Bee Jokes

Contents

Funniest Bee Jokes

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

Funny Bee Jokes

If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye? Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye? Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

If you have a bee in your hand what do you have in your eye? Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper

Yesterday my wife got stung by a bee while golfing I asked where, and she informed me it was between the first and second holes. Being the helpful type, I advised her that her stance was too wide.

Go away bee, don't bother me. A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.

Why did the CIA torture the Russian wasp? Because he was a cagey bee agent.

If you have Bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty. Because beauty is in the eye of the Bee holder.

So, I just tried a new drinking game. I put in the Bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.


Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed.

If I have a bee in my hand, what is in my eyes? Beauty, because beauty is in the eyes of the bee-holder

At the spelling bee Judge: Your word is "there."

Me: In a sentence please.

Judge: They're parking their car over there.

What do you call a bee from America? USB

What do you call a bee that comes from America? a USB!

What do you call a bee that lives in America? a USB

My wife got stung by a bee on her forehead. She’s at the ER now and her face is all swollen and bruised. She almost died! Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees. All the bees had price tags on them except one. It was a freebie

My brother is in the ER right now because of a bee sting that swelled his head, Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.

What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind? A maybe

What bee produces milk? A boo-bee

Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging The word was Dictate.

[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?

[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate

I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect... ....That Hepatitis Bee

If you have a bee in your hand, what's in your eye? Beauty. It's in the eye of the bee-holder.

What do you call a bee that can't makeup it's mind? A maybe.

What do you call a bee that comes from America? USB

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings You know she's a keeper.

This ones for the kids: What did the bee say to the flower? Hey bud!

If someone has a bee in their hand, what's in their eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

"Your word is their..." "Your word is their," said the spelling bee judge.
The contestant, confused, asked for a sentence.
"They're looking for their dog over there," replied the judge.

Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung. I was too quick with the spade.

Women playing golf goes to doctor She tells the doctor while playing golf a bee stung her between the first hole and the second hole, the doctor replies “your stance is to wide”

What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB

My boyfriend just started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper

I smoked a bee the other day... Just trying to catch a buzz...

A teacher asks her student Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?

Student: Honey

Teacher: What does a cow gives us?

Student: Milk

Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?

Student: Homework

Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween? Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.

A woman is stung by a bee on a golf course She goes into anaphylactic shock due to an allergy and they take her to a doctor.

"Where was she stung?", asked the doctor.

"Between the first and second hole.",

"Well she may need to work on her stance."

What's smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee

Popular Topics

New Bee Jokes

The alphabet is terrifying. A bee sea? No thank you

Hey do you guys remember murder hornets? I guess God decided to drop plot Bee

Why did the spelling bee champion go to the doctor? Irregular vowel movements

What kind of bee can't make up its mind? A maybee

She said to me "What are you holding that big ugly bee for?" I said "I don't think it's ugly!"

I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

Which part of the bee is most profitable? Bee's knees

(Came up with this one from a meme I just saw) There's a bee in the drawer of my side table that buzzes and makes me think I got a new message on my phone... Got a bee kiddin me.

A man goes to the doctor A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've been stung by a bee! Can you put some ointment on it?"

The doctor says, "Sure, but I think the bee flew away already."

(Courtesy of my 10 year old)

What do you get when a bee is stuck in the garage? Garbage

A bee decided to become a disc jockey. They called it a BJ. It really sucks though.

What do you call a Bee that works for the government? A Pollentician.

Knock knock Whos there?
According
According who?
According to all known laws of aviation there is no way a bee should be able to fly

Where does a bee work from home? In an E-hive.


This goes without saying, but this hive has no bees, making it an eehive.

What kind of bee makes milk? Boobies

what do you get when you cross a bee and a frog? green honey

Why did the bee get punished? Because it mis-bee-hived.

What do you call a British Bee Smashing and Dashing? A Honey Nut, Cheerio.

I hired a bee to run my IT security department He makes really good honeypots

I saw a bunch of insect larva on my porch You've got to bee kidding me!

I was painting a ladies deck and noticed she had some carpenter bee damage. She nearly slapped me when I offered to make the necessary repairs. I suppose I shouldn’t have asked her if she wanted me to shove some caulk in her bee holes

What do you call a bee that is working hard? Buzzy.

What is the smartest animal in the world? The spelling bee

I stopped by my one of my bee keeper friends' farm to buy a dozen bees. When he counted out thirteen I said "that's too many". He said "that's a free bee".

Where do fat bees live? A bee city

The alphabet is kinda terrifying A bee sea? No, thanks.

Why is a flower like the letter A Because a bee goes after it.

What do you call a bee from United States? A USB

What do ya call it when a bee gets murdered at a party? A buzzkill.

I don’t find bear puns amusing They’re all unbearable.

I do however love bee puns, Some of them are unbelievable.

When I found out that my friend is a bee keeper I stopped loaning him bees.

How did the bee go to work? By buzz.

What do you call a Bee thats returned from the dead? A zombee

I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a silent bee Very subtle I thought

What do you call a bee that lives in the US? US Bee.

What do you call a bee in America? US Bee

You ever hear of a bee that gives milk? A Boobee

Why did the bee get pulled over? He was buzzed.

Before becoming Pop stars, the Bee Gees used to be professional chefs. You could tell by the way they used their wok.

You wanna know what part of barry bee benson is always sore? It's the bees knees

what did the bee get in math? a bee plus

Popular Topics

Long Bee Jokes

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about each other. Her dog's name was Daisy. My truck's name was Dodge Ram (I apologized for my lack of creativity). She was a CPA. I was a beekeeper.

And at this, she stumbled. "If we ever meet in real-life, I want you to know that I could never date a beekeeper." But we were still far away from that point, so it was moot.

But time went on, and we gradually became closer to that point. More personal information. What firm she worked for. Where my farm was. Names of relatives. Names of high schools. All the things that just come up in conversation eventually if you talk to someone long enough.

But, oddly, after all this time, neither of us had thought to send any pictures. Until one day I got a message from her: "I never thought I'd say this, but I really do want to meet you in person. I think we have a rare connection, and I don't want to squander it. I want to send you my picture, and I want you to send me yours, but I'm telling you, I can never date a beekeeper."

I couldn't imagine a life without my bees. But I also couldn't imagine a life without her. Tentatively, reluctantly, I clicked on the image attached to her message.

Then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee leaver.

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
\`"Try it now,'' said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''
"BP,'' answered the bee.

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.

Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those."

"I'm sorry Sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant, "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side!"

The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.

Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.

Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on stage.

A minute or so passes and the bee buzzes its wings. The judge leans forward and angles his ear towards the bee. He nods his head in agreement, lifts his other arm up and points directly at contestant six.

A voice booms over the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. CONTESTANT 6...PLEASE STEP FORWARD!!"

A barely audible round of applause is heard as contestant 6 waddles her way to the front of the stage. Shes 300lb, a short, hairy, sweaty mess of a woman.

Contestant 2 turns to contestant 3 and says, "What kind of pageant is this!? It doesn't seem to matter what you look like!"

Contestant 3 looks at her and replies, "I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee holder".

A Man Was Driving Down the Road & Ran out of PETROL...

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
“What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee.
“I’m out of petrol,” the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
”Try it now,” said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
“Wow,” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my petrol tank?”
“BP,” answered the bee.

A young woman was taking golf lessons

and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, "You're back early?." "I was stung by a bee" she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He smiled and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”

“I was stung by a bee!” she said.

“Where?” he asked.

“Between the first and second hole.” she replied.

He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.

She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.

Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee," she answered.

"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.

He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."

Golf lessons

A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee"

"where?" he asks.

"between the first and second hole," she replies.

He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."

A bee keeper walks into a pet store

He asked the person at the counter for 12 bees. After walking out the store, he notices that he's been given 13 bees by accident.

He walks back in and says “there has been an accident, and you’ve given me 13 bees.”

The Shopkeeper says "No mistake sir, that one is a freebie!"

Lady golfer

A lady comes up to the clubhouse after playing playing a few holes and she is fuming

She says

"A bee stung me"

The man at the desk replies

"where did the bee sting you

The lady replies

"Between hole 1 and 2"

The man at the desk says

"That's your problem, your stance is too wide"

A young woman

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."

A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret fetish via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.

Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

Stop me if you’ve heard this one...

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

A young woman was taking golf lessons...

and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, "You are back early, what's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee!" she said. "Where?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole." she replied. He nodded and said, "Your stance is far too wide."

A Bee on a Fly

(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that’d be very cool

A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, “hey, are you a bee?”
In which the bee replies, “I might bee.”

The fly then says,”dude, that’s the worst pun I have ever heard.”

The bee responds,”I know man, I made it up on the fly.”

woman was taking

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

The World Expert on Wasps

A man was walking down a quiet street, when something caught his eye in the window of a charity shop. He wandered over to take a closer look, then smiled to himself, nodded, and entered the shop.

He walked up to the counter and said to the man serving there, "Is that record in the window really a copy of Wasp Noises of the World?"

"It most certainly is," said the shopkeeper.

"Excellent," said the man from the street. "I have searched for that record for a great many years. You see, I am the world's leading expert on wasps. I have written books on their habits, diets, stripe patterns and social structures, but what truly fascinates me is the noises they make. That record in the window is famous in the world of wasp study as the most accurate documentation of wasp noises in the world, and I haven't managed to acquire a copy until now."

"Well, this is your lucky day," the shopkeeper said. "I'll have it out of the window and bagged up for you right away."

"Hold on now," said the world expert on wasps. "It's a very old record, it may have distorted or been damaged, in which case it would be no use to me. I see you have a gramophone back there. Would you mind playing me a sample so I can be sure it's in good working order?"

The shopkeeper, grumbling to himself about how picky this customer was, set up the gramophone, retrieved Wasp Noises of the World from the window display, and placed the needle on the record, which began to play.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZzzzZzZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZ

The world expert on wasps lifted the needle off the record with a confused look on his face. "Now, this is most unusual," he said. "I am the world's foremost expert on wasps, and yet this wasp noise is entirely unfamiliar to me. Can you play me another, in case this part of the record is damaged?"

The shopkeeper moved the needle on a bit, and placed it back on the record.

ZzZzZzZzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzZ

The world expert on wasps lifted thee needle again, looking extremely perplexed. "Something very strange is going on here," he muttered. "I am the world expert on wasps. No-one alive knows more about wasps than I do. And yet, once again, I do not recognize this wasp noise at all. Can you play me one more, to be certain?"

Again, thee shopkeeper mover the needle on, and again, the record played.

zzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzZzZzzZZzzZZZZzz

The world expert on wasps snatched the needle off the record, with a look of borderline panic on his face. "Something is definitely wrong with this record!" he exclaimed. "I am the greatest expert on wasps alive, nay, that has ever lived. No part of the life of the wasp is unknown to me. And yet, three times, this copy of Wasp Noises of the World has produced a wasp noise entirely alien to me. It cannot be that there are species of wasp whose noises have been recorded that I am not aware of. I would have been informed, consulted by the discoverers. Surely this record must be damaged. Would you inspect it for any signs?"

The shopkeeper, feeling distinctly put out by now, lifted up the record and examined it closely, at which point a knowing smile spread across his face.

"What is it?" asked the world expert on wasps. "Is the record damaged?"

"No," said the shopkeeper. "Nothing like that."

"Then what can possibly be going on?" asked the world expert on wasps. "I am acquainted with the noises of every species of wasp on the planet, and yet I don't recognize any of the ones you have played to me."

"Well," said the shopkeeper, "That's probably because it was playing the bee side."

A few originals (hopefully) by me.

I read an article the other day that said women named Rachel are 10x more likely to get pulled over by the police...

Another terrible example of Rachel profiling.


_______


What do you call a dinosaur that is attempting to get his girlfriend to try new things in the bedroom?


TryAnalSaurasRex

(or the worse version TryAnalSoreAssSex)

__________

Did you know that honey contains bee vitamins?

________

This next one can only be used when its snowing.

You start by telling somebody that you are the reason for the snow. They will roll their eyes and ask how, then tell this story.


"Years ago I attended a Native American ceremony, the chief of the tribe took a liking to me and actually taught me how to perform a traditional rain dance. Year after year I practiced and perfected the dance, and eventually I started to make improvements to it. It's pretty much the same dance, but a lot cooler."

______

There once was a mountain who was afraid of everything. His biggest dream was to be able to jump through a hula hoop. He was always too afraid to try, though he knew he could do it if he was just a little bolder.

_____

They still need work, but I like them.

Popular Topics