Easter Jokes

Contents

Funniest Easter Jokes

Funny Easter Jokes

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram

Son: Thanks dad

Dad: No problem Alan

I remember as a child my parents filling my head with nonsense such as the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy. Now I dont believe in any of that made up rubbish, thank God.

I saw Batman leaving Church early on Easter It was the first time I had seen a Christian Bale

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

Edit: Thanks for the elf. Are elfs real?...

If you have Alzheimer's, look on the bright side… …at least you can hide your own Easter Eggs.

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Well, now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water? It’s going to take a while to get me hard. I just got layed by some chick.

As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better... Thank God.

What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.

Happy Easter

As a child my parents used to tell me about the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa I dont believe in those stories anymore, thank GOD

What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water? It’s going to take a while to get me hard, I just got laid by some chick.

Why do easter eggs hide? Because they're little chickens.

Dad... "Dad, why is my sister Teresa called Teresa?"

"Well, son, your mum loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter and so we named her Teresa"

"Thanks, Dad."

"No problem, Alan"

So a kid wants to color Easter Eggs. "Mom, want to color eggs with me?"

"No, I'm tired, maybe next week."

"Dad, want to color eggs with me?"

"No, son, you can get me a beer though."

Kid thinks to himself, (damn, looks like I'm going to dye alone.)

“Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?” “It’s because your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of it.”

“Thanks Dad!”

“No problem, Alan!”

Son: Mom, why is my sister called Teresa? Mom: Because Teresa is an Anagram of Easter and we love Easter!

Son: Oh I see. Thanks mom!

Mom: My pleasure Alan.

What's the best thing about having alzeimhers disease? You can hide your own easter eggs

What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water? Its gonna take a while to get me hard, I just got laid by some chick.

"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa?" "Because your mom loves Easter and it's an anagram for Easter."

"Thanks Dad!"

"No problem Alan."

How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up? He uses Hare Spray...

(Ill see myself out)

There are 3 perks of having Alzheimer 1. You can make new friends every day.
2. You can look for the Easter eggs you hid yourself.
3. You can make new friends every day.

Easter this year is April Fools Day Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.

You know what the best thing about Alzheimer's is? You can hide your own Easter eggs.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left him.



I got this from an Easter cracker. It was pretty dark for Easter which made me laugh even harder.

I met my town's bishop at Easter mass today but I think he might be an imposter... ... he didn't move diagonally

You know what's great about senility? You can hide your own Easter eggs.

Doctor says, "I've got good news and bad news…" The bad news is that you have Alzheimer's.

The good news is now you can hide your own Easter eggs!

Q: What's the good part about having alzheimer's? You can hide your own easter eggs.

Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?" He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby."

What beer do you drink on Easter Sunday? Rolling Rock

A boy asks his dad... Boy: Why is my sister named "Teresa"?

Dad: "Teresa" is an anagram for Easter and your mom really loves Easter

Boy: Thanks dad

Dad: You're welcome, Alan

What type of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear? 24 carrot

Son: Dad, why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Because you mother loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.
Son: Thanks Dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.

Who is the odd one out between.... Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Bill Cosby and the tooth fairy? The Easter bunny, the rest only come when you are sleeping.

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny...

Happy Easter

How do you make Easter easier in just one simple step? Replace the T with an I.

What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water? Gonna take a while to get me hard, I just got laid by a chick.

Anagram Son: Why is my sister called Teresa?
Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram
Son: Thanks dad
Dad: No problem Alan

Popular Topics

New Easter Jokes

Who is the Easter bunny’s favorite philosopher? Heidegger

I think if women really got to know me they’d find my personality a lot like a chocolate Easter bunny. On the outside sweet but Hollow and disappointing on the inside.

What do you call a boner during Easter mass? Resurrection

A little boy asks his Dad..... "Dad. Why is my sister called Teresa?"

"Well, son. Your mother loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter."

"Oh, I see! Thanks, Dad!"

"No problem, Alan!"

When I grew up my parents always told me about the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy... Now that I'm older I don't believe in any of that made up nonsense, thank God!!!

What is the difference between a dead body and an Easter egg? One is buried in a casket while the other is carried in a basket


P.s Got it from BoJack Horseman

What's the best thing about having dementia at Easter? You can hide your own Easter eggs.

A boy runs up to his dad and says "Why did you call my sister Teresa?" "Well son, you see Easter is your mum's favourite thing and it's an anagram. Why do you ask Alan?"

Easter is the holiday where we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and savior: The Easter Bunny

Hard to really appreciate the joy of Easter when I’ve already been eating chocolate for 27 days straight Happy Easter!

What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's favourite holiday? Have t' love Easter baby

Why is Easter the most popular Klingon Holiday? Because it is a good day to dye.

We all need to celebrate Easter by having a special holiday meal.... A peter bunny and jelly.

Where does Quentin Tarantino hide his Easter eggs? In his movies



Alt. Punchline, Inglorious Baskets. Hoppy Easter yall!

What do you get when you pour boiling water into a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies!

Happy easter everyone

I want to find someone to blame for Easter and all the stores being closed So I tried blaming Christians but no, it wasn't right

Then the Romans, but I think I am being judgemental

Then I read about the Jews and it pretty much nailed it.

Do to covid-19 the format of this year's Easter egg hunt has changed. Instead of trying to find eggs in a garden, everyone will be trying to find eggs in a grocery store.

an attempted Easter punny how do you socially distance from the Easter Rabbit? by a hair'sbreadth

How does the Easter Bunny travel? By hare plane.

What's the difference between Don Trump praying on Easter Sunday, and Don Trump praying on election night? On election night he'll mean it.

A chocolate Easter Bunny and me being alone on lockdown have one thing in common... We both are hollow inside.

Where do Easter farts come from? The Easter Bummy

My dad in North Carolina asked me if I'd be able to fly home from New York for Good Friday.... I told him I couldn't because of the big storm.

Nor Easter

We're being told to stay home this Easter because of COVID-19 because "COVID-19 doesn't take a holiday" But it's taken a cruise...

Not sure where I’ll go for Easter this year. Somewhere different... maybe the laundry.

How can the Easter bunny afford so much candy? It's so rich that all of its meals are 24 karat

Pope Francis has cancelled the Easter events this year due to COVID-19. I guess he’s just gonna Passover it this year.

Easter is canceled They found the body

What do redditors and easter eggs have in common? They only come out once a year.

What does the Easter Bunny turn into when attacked? Hop-timus Prime

What's the three best things about Alzheimer's? 1. You get to hide your own Easter eggs. 2. You get to meet new people everyday.

There is 3 great things about having dementia: 1. You get to hide your own Easter eggs



2. You meet new people every day



And



3. You get to hide your own Easter eggs

My buddy always takes a bunch of molly the few weeks leading up to Easter He’s a lent roller

My friend always takes a a bunch of molly during the weeks leading up to Easter He’s a lent roller

What’s the best part about having Alzheimer’s disease? You can hide your own Easter eggs.

Greek Easter is a week later to give them time to prepare all the food. Most people consider it a crucifixion, to Greeks it’s just another hummus side.

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I said to him “ I bet I know what your favourite festival is “
He replied “Have to love Easter baby”

Why is Sunday afraid of Easter? Because Easter falls on Sunday!

Courtesy of my eight year old daughter! Is this a joke anyone’s heard? She says she invented it but man... that’s very clever. I’m a proud papa.

A few days late... This past weekend Easter has just occurred.
For all the women that 'had their time' during Easter.
Happy Easter Egg!

What's the difference between a Halloween zombie and an Easter zombie? Well, there aren't many actually. For example, they both like *RawBits*.

Popular Topics

Long Easter Jokes

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the road sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says,"Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents on him.
The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves a paw at the them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
It says..
(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(Last chance)
(OK, here it is)
It says,
"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair
and adds a permanent wave."
Happy Easter!!!

Lent joke to tell tomorrow for Easter

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill
and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....
and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The
Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become Catholic. After
several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.....and as the
Priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said,

"You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and the
wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called
immediately by the neighbors, and as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a
rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully
sprinkled over the grilling meat as he chanted:

"You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

COVID Humor

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom.

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog ..... we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine ..... will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: One of the kids just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under."

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees...

"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.

If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

It's Easter Sunday morning...

... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.

A man goes to church on Easter Sunday and returns home with two black eyes.

His wife asks him how he got the black eyes.

Man: Old Ms. Johnson was sitting in front of me during mass, when she stood up I noticed her dress was stuck in butt crack, so I reached out and gently tugged it out. She spun around, was really mad and punched me in the eye.

Wife: that explains one black eye, what about the other one?

Man: I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there for her.

Happy Easter :)

The Ressurection

The pastor of a Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him.

He said, "Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?"

One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, "Please tell us what the resurrection is."

The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice, "When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!"

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

Easter

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says.
"We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

"Like Heck they're getting a divorce, she shouts. I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man,

"You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, smiles and turns to his wife.

"They're coming for Easter and paying their own way."

An Irish man decides to go on Mastermind....

He's called to the chair.

'Your chosen subject?' asks the presenter.

'Easter Rising of 1916, sir,' he replied.

Time starts now ... What was the date of the Easter Rising of 1916?'

'Pass.'

'Who led the Easter Rising of 1916?'

'Pass.'

'How many men were involved in the Easter Rising of 1916?'

'Pass.'

Suddenly an Irish voice boomed from the studio audience:

'That's right, Paddy - tell them nothing!'

The Easter massacre

After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and killed the peacock

There was a church...

Sometime around the 1950’s, there was a small village in a remote region somewhere in the American South, and at the center of this village was a tall church.

As most churches of this period, this church had, as its crowning glory, a tall bell tower. The jewel of the crown was, naturally, a large brass bell.

An elderly woman from the church had been pulling the rope to ring the bell every Sunday since before anyone could remember. She had a special technique that made an exceptionally pleasant sound.

That is, until her untimely death at the age of 89. Thus began the process of finding a new employee to faithfully ring the church bell week after week.

An ad was placed in the regional newspaper by the church secretary, and, much to everyone’s surprise, many people applied.

After narrowing down the applicants to the top five, the secretary took each to try their hand at ringing the giant bell.

Each pulled the rope with gusto, and the bell chimed and rang like any bell would. Unfortunately, none of them could make it sound half as good as the elderly woman had.

Disappointed, the church secretary sent the applicants away. Just as she was ready to begin the whole process again, she heard a knock on the church office door.

In walked the ugliest, most mangled-faced man she had ever seen. Gasping at his pure hideousness, she caught her breath and asked, “May I help you?”

“I am here to apply for the job of ringing that bell, ma’am.”

“Well, OK. Let’s see what you can do.”

The two of them walked over to the bell rope, but the ugly man asked if they could climb up the tower, and ring it from inside the top of the tower!

The secretary obliged, and the two climbed the steep steeple stairway to the top.

The man examined the bell, took a few steps back, ran up and SMASHED HIS FACE straight into the bell...

...and it made the most beautiful sound that anyone in the village had ever heard.

Wiping away a small tear brought on by the sheer loveliness of the sound, the secretary told the man he had the job.

For the next few months, Sunday after Sunday, the mangled-faced man would take few steps back, run up, and smash his face into the bell. And every week, the sound was so wonderful that the village folk would stop whatever they were doing to listen.

Church attendance was growing larger than ever, and the secretary was more than pleased with the new employee.

Then, on Easter Sunday, the ugly man decided to make the sound extra special and louder than ever.

So he took a step back...

...and an extra step for more speed...

...and just one more tiny extra step back, and...

...

...

...he lost his footing, tumbling backwards out of the bell tower.

He landed with a thud on the sidewalk below. Dead as a door nail.

The townsfolk gathered around, distraught at their misfortune.

“What was his name?”
“Does anyone know his name?”
“Someone get the church secretary. She hired him. Surely she knows his name!”

So they bring the church secretary to identify the poor man.

She finally breaks through the crowd, takes a long sad look at him and says...

“Well, I don’t know his name...

...but his **face rings a bell**.”




———————————

If that wasn’t torture enough, there’s a Part II ;)

———————————



So, after the trauma of losing the most amazing musician anyone had ever heard, and the obligatory three week mourning period for bell-ringers, the church secretary decided its time to begin the search for a new employee.

The ad, once again, gets a fair amount of attention. Several candidates are brought in, but none can even hold a candle to the dead nameless ugly man.

The secretary is about to give up hope completely when, lo and behold, there’s a knock on the office door.

Like a blast from the past, in walks an even uglier, more mangled faced man.

“Hi ma’am, I’m here to apply for the job of bell ringer. I actually have a family history of unique church bell ringing.”

“Well, you do remind me of our last bell ringer...”

“Oh, he was my brother, George!”

“Well sir, let’s go see what you can do.”

The two, just like last time, climb the steep steeple stairs. The uglier man takes a few steps back, runs up, and SMASHES HIS FACE directly into the bell.

As unlikely and unbelievable as it may seem, the sound was even more wonderful and beautiful than his brother.

You know the story...

4th of July rolls around, the uglier man wanted to make a bigger and better ringing than anyone had ever heard.

So he took a step back...

...and an extra step for more speed...

...and just one more tiny extra step back, and...

...

...

...you guessed it. He lost his footing, tumbling backwards out of the bell tower.

He landed with a thud on the sidewalk below. Dead. Door Nail style.

Once again, the townsfolk gathered around, distraught at their continued misfortune.

“What was THIS guy’s name?”
“Does anyone know his name?”
“Someone get the church secretary. She hired him. Surely she got his name this time!”

So they bring the church secretary to identify yet another poor dead man.

She finally breaks through the crowd, takes one look at him and says...

“Well, I never asked his name,

But he’s a **dead ringer** for his brother George.”

Coloured Eggs

A rooster was strutting around the hen house one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow.

The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.

A parishioner who only attends church on holidays is leaving church after Easter mass.

The preacher is standing at the door to shake hands. He grabs the parishioner by the hand and pulls him aside. “You need to join the Army of the Lord!” the pastor tells the parishioner.

The parishioner replies, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, pastor.”

The pastor questions, “Then how come I don’t see you in church except at Christmas and Easter?”

The parishioner whispers, “I’m in the secret service.”

A Bunny Story..

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny. The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!" The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching.
It was a woman in a red convertible. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault."
The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.
Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?" The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."

My grandfather was just a boy living in a small town of rural Kentucky

and they didn't have much as way of entertainment except for fishing and hunting with his big shaggy dog, Bear. When he wasn't helping his parents out with chores, he spent most of his summers out in the forests camping with Bear, hunting squirrels and rabbits, or just fishing along the river. He'd wandered a bit further away one day than he normally did, and came across an old monastary with a congregation of friars.

Now, this region of Kentucky wasn't very well off, so what a lot of the small town farmers did was take their goods in to the larger city to sell at farmers markets and to stores. The friars were no exception to this because while they didn't need much money, they did need some to buy food and clothes. When my grandfather came across that old monastary, he'd seen acre after acre of wide open meadows just full of wildflowers of every sort you could imagine. Big yellow flowers, little red and blue speckled flowers, daisies, queen's lace. The fields were alive with bees buzzing and humming birds humming, truly, it was a beautiful, inspiring sight. And out there, scattered throughout the meadows, the friars, each with a big woven basket filled to the brim with boquets they crafted by hand. These were what they would send in to town to be sold.

My great grandfather, that is, my grandpa's dad, worked for a man that lived in the city most of the local farmers would travel to to sell their produce. This man was a baron of sorts; he owned several businesses in town and he was always on the look out for a new business or property to invest in to grow his wealth. His name was Hugh, and he wasnt known for his huge, friendly demeanor. What he was known for was his ruthless and cunning sense of busines. Hugh never let anything get in his way when it came to growing his business. 

A year after my grandpa and Bear met the friars, a reporter came to town to photograph the festival they had every summer in town. This festival was the town's yearly highlight, at least as big a deal as Thanksgiving and nearly as big a deal as Easter and Christmas (which in those days made it a Very Big Deal indeed)! Every year for the festival the friars would supply the most stunning flower arrangements for the town's main street, through which the town would have a small parade with the mayor tossing candies for all the children, and men and women in costumes dancing along to music played by the school's small band. Folk from all around the town would journey in for the day, set up food stalls to sell pies and hot cakes, roast rabbit on toast and spicy squirrel stew. This year the festival was held in even higher anticipation because of the participation of the local fire department. They'd offered to lead the parade with a big red firetruck, and the firemen all dressed up in celebration. 

The fire department's presence was as much for the celebration as it was for safety. The previous year an unfortunate accident had caused a large fire to catch and spread to the forest around the town. Several blocks of the town had been evacuated before the fire was finally contained and put out, but not before some acres of the forest had burned down. But that event had gotten my grandpa's small town on the radar of the big city, and the local paper had decided to feature them in an article this particular summer! 

The festival was a tremendous success! The food was fantastic, the parade was picturesque! The friars flower displays were the highlight of the night, and the photographer made sure to do them as much justice as he could. Truly, they were the talk of the festival, to the point that some weeks later at the next farmers market in the city, the friars sold out of their boquets in the first hour of the morning! Word had spread, pardon the pun, like a fire, and everyone wanted to buy the friars flowers!

Even old Hugh had seen and heard word of the sudden popularity of these boquets and went down to the market to see for himself. He stood, mouth agape, as a crowed massed around the floral displays, pushing to be the next to buy before the flowers were all gone. Much to the dismay of the friars, their newfound popularity lead to incredible new demand. And though they did try to prepare more boquets for the market, they were realy selling more than they'd ever intended. For while the did it for a little money to afford necessiries, for the friars, spreading beauty and peace with their flowers was more than enough in return.

When Hugh saw the potential in the popularity of the flowers the friars grew, his mind immediately started working on a way to turn it to his benefit. He waited for the crowds to finally die down and went to speak to the holy men.

"I'd like to make you an offer," Hugh said. "Your beautiful flowers are the talk of the town. I'd like to help you out by handling all the sales of the flowers for you, for a small cut of the profit! That way, you can focus on growing and creating your wonderful boquets, without worrying about the hassle and bother of coming into the market each week and dealing with the crowds!"

The friars thanked Hugh for his offer, but they explained to him that for them, the boquets were not just a business endeavor, it was their service to the community to spread peace and joy with God's flowers and blessings. And with that, the friars packed up and started the journey back to their monastary.

Well, Hugh was not satisfied at all with that answer, and he came up with a plan. Over the next few weeks he ordered crate after craft of exotic flowers from all around the world. Beautiful flowers from Morocco to France, stunning petals from China to India. Anything colorful and amazing that he could learn about. He set up a large shop just down the road from the Farmer's market where the Friars had their stall, and he called it The Festival Flourist and Fantastic Flowers. At first, the town was abuzz with these new and wonderful flowers, but after a few weeks, as the novelty wore off, the sales declined and soon Hugh's shop was empty. 

For some reason he couldn't figure out, though, the friars were doing as well as ever! Week in and out, lines down the street would stand patiently waiting for the friars flowers. And cunning as he was, Hugh would not rest until he'd made his new business a success. 

A year or so later, my grandpa was on another fishing adventure with Bear, just following allong with stream, sometimes wading through the shallower parts of the water, othertimes dropping in a line and resting in the shade of a tree, when he saw thick, black smoke rising above the forest. Curious as any young boy would be, he set off at a run through the trees, heading towards the smoke. 

When he reached a large open meadow, a devastating sight lay before him: dozens of friars with brooms and small buckets were frantically working through the flower meadows tyring their best to fight thick, hot flames that were scorching along the ground! Some how, all the flower meadows had caught fire, and try as they might, nothing the friars could do was stopping the flames. 

The fire department was evnetually contacted and they made it out to the monastary before too much of the forest had burned down, but sadly all of the flowers in the meadows had been left a charred, ruined mess. For the first time in years, the friars had no flowers to for the town's festival. Full of dismay, they sent word to the mayor that there was nothing they could do to salvage the flower displays for that year's parade, and whispers grew with worry that the festival that year might not live up to the town's hopes. 

It was then that, just by hapenstance, Hugh visited town to meet with the mayor about opening a new business there in town. When he heard about the problems with the fire and the flowers, of course he'd be delighted to supply the town with all the flowers they could need, for a small fee. In the end, I'm afraid that there's no truly happy ending here: the Mayor accepted Hugh's flowers and his flower shop's popularity grew from then on.

But the moral of the story is this, my friends: 

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Some anecdotes for you in this trying time:

>  \*  Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
>
>  \*   I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
  \*   I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
  \*   Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
  \*   PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
  \*   Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
  \*   I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
  \*   This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
  \*   So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
  \*   Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
  \*   My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
  \*   Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
  \*   I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
  \*   I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.
  \*   Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
  \*   Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.
  \*   Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.

On Easter morning a man and his son run over the Easter bunny...

They hop out of the car and the son immediately says "Daddy! You killed the Easter bunny!"

The man thinks to himself and then says "Don't worry, I know exactly what to do."

He goes to the trunk of the car and produces a spray can. He shakes it up and sprays the dead Easter bunny with it.

After a few minutes the Easter bunny pops up to its feet, grabs its basket, and hops down the road before it stops to turn around and wave. It hops a little bit more and then turns around and waves again. It keeps repeating this until it hops out of sight.

The son exclaims "Daddy! What was that!?"

The dad shows his son the can. The label reads "Hair spray -- brings new life to hair, gives permanent wave"

short jokes

I have gotten some good jokes from yall... I hope yall enjoy these
Sorry no Easter jokes if you celebrate Easter or anything like that... have a good one

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.

Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!

Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!

Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.

Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!

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