French Jokes

Contents

Funniest French Jokes

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

Score: 15722

An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"

Score: 10089
Funny French Jokes
Score: 3664

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? I don’t know, it’s never been done

Score: 3360

My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.

Score: 2098

Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee? 'Cause they hate the French press

Score: 1799

TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

Score: 1753

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

Score: 1529

My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

Score: 1482

What are the two problems with the French flag? The red bit and the blue bit.

Score: 1304

Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

Score: 1221

Why do French tanks have a rear-view mirror? So that they can see the battlefield

Score: 1022

Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives. A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:

cop: name?

Otto: Otto

cop: address?

Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin

cop: Occupation?

Otto: no, just visiting...

Score: 914

What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!

Score: 798

When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"

Score: 737

I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?

Score: 725

The French Revolution was pretty rough. Did you hear about what happened to Louis XVI's head? [Removed]

Score: 718

My daughter demanded she be treated like a princess... so I married her off to secure an alliance with the French.

Score: 712

Why does the French Army install Rear-view mirrors in their Tanks? So that they can see the battle.

Score: 681

TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

Score: 604

Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.

Score: 592

Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors? To see the battle.

Score: 570

Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? So they can see the battlefield!

Score: 539

I once thanked a French guy to death It was a merci killing

Score: 523

I went to a French zoo There was a baguette in a cage, so I asked the keeper what that was about and apparently it was bread in captivity. (All credit to the wife for that one)

Score: 507

Why do french tanks have rear mirrors? So they can also see the front lines.

Score: 505

I thought my new girlfriend might be the one. But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided; if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

Score: 469

Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg? Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

Score: 450

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world. While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

Score: 419

Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA? Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

Score: 363

Selling a french WW2 rifle Never fired, only dropped once.

Score: 95

When I was in high school, I was part of the French club. We didn't really do anything, but every once in a while, we'd surrender to the German club.

Score: 39

Why does the French Military install rearview mirrors on their tanks? So that they can see the battle.

Score: 34

I heard that because the moon has no atmosphere... the American flag we planted there has lost its color and is now completely white. We need go up there and change it. Because we don't want anyone thinking the French beat us to the moon.

Score: 31

When I was a little kid, my dad would swear then say "Excuse my French" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand

Score: 31

What kind of coffee do terrorists hate? French press.

(Too soon?)

Score: 30

Selling French WW2 Rifle in great condition. It has never been fired only dropped once.

Score: 19

So the French army has recently installed rearview mirrors to their tanks. That way, they can watch the fighting!

Score: 18

The new French tanks are very practical Now they have rear view mirrors to see how the battle is going.

Score: 12

A hamburger and an order of french fries goes into a bar...... the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

Score: 9

Popular Topics

New French Jokes

Why does the french hate bread ? because it's pain to them.

Score: 2

What do you call a person who is into French Anime girls? An ouiaboo.

Score: 5

Why are French people so tough? They eat “pain” for breakfast

Score: 2

Geometry is a lot like algebra, language arts, and french Its like algebra because it has a lot of math,

Its like language arts because it has a lot of words in it,

And its like french because I don't understand it.

Score: 8

Why do French people find mayonnaise so hilarious? No, seriously. Every time I say it they say lmao.

Score: 2

Did you know that the first French fry wasn’t fried in France? It was fried in Greece.

Score: 5

A french fry covered in ketchup fell onto someone’s shoe Without missing a beat, he picked it up and ate it.

A girl saw it and was grossed out. She asked, “Why’d you eat that fry? It was on your shoe!”

He shrugged and said, “Shoe fry don’t bother me.”

Score: 8

Why do French men enjoy the Wisconsin country side? They love that Dairy Air!

Score: 3

Why do the French surrender so quickly? Because they have nothing Toulouse.

Score: 2

My parents say "please excuse my French." before they swear. When the teacher asked me what French I knew on the first day of school, she didn't like my answer.

Score: 2

If you made a sandwich out of a french person, would they suffer from it ? Because technically, they would be in "pain".

Score: 2

I get a call from the front desk of the hotel I am staying at Sir, there is a French number five here to see you.

Ok, let that cinq in.

Score: 2

Being a french baker must be horrible All you do is feel pain everyday

Score: 2

I've heard of a French kiss. But what's a Greek kiss? It's where they 69ner but suck each other's noses.

Score: 2

Why do they call it a french tuck? Because you only tuck in the shirt above your Oui Oui

Score: 4

There was an explosion at a French cheese factory earlier today Officials say theres nothing but de brie left.

Score: 4

Whats Hippopotamus called in French? Ippopotamus.

Score: 2

French public toilets were useless in the war Always occupied

Score: 4

I met a French person today and they have a weird bone fetish IDK why but they were mentioning bone jaw and bone apple teeth again and again

Score: 2

What does a French lumberjack yell just before the tree falls? Tomber!

Score: 3

French police aren't sure how the Notre Dame fire started... But they have a hunch.

Score: 3

French tanks in WW2 have special features They have side mirrors so they can see the Germans when escaping.

Score: 4

There is a sale on antique French army rifles. The slogan is "Never fired. Only dropped once."

Score: 6

Why did the french toast go on strike? They were tired of being in the syurpeon union.

Score: 2

How do speakers of Dutch, English, French and Danish communicate with each other? They speak Mumble-Saxon.

Score: 2

How Do You Sound Tired In French Le Sigh


Ok guys I’m sorry. Hahahahha

Score: 2

This French guy really wanted to sell me salt today. He kept yelling sel! sel! sel!

Score: 2

What did the French chef say when he was sick and tired of misplacing his olive oil? "I'm losing my huile d'olive."

Score: 9

Would you rather ski down a hill in the French Alps... ...or run down a slope in your car?

Score: 2

I just bought a surplus French military rifle. Only dropped once.

Score: 3

A French teacher asks her new class if any of them know any French. Young Johnny lets out a parade of F-bombs-
"Whoa! Hey now?! Who told you that was French?" interrupted the teacher.
"My dad. He is always asking people to pardon his French".

Score: 5

What's the first thing they learn in the French army? To say "I surrender!", in German.

Score: 3

So I’ve heard the American flags on the moon are white now because of solar radiation. Does this mean the French own it?

Score: 4

I tried to come up with a nursing joke about foleys with the punchline "Pardon my French"... ... but I just couldn't fit it in!

Score: 1

Did you hear about the French military selling new rifles? Never used, only dropped once!

Score: 2

I asked my French teacher if I could use the restroom. "Oui, Oui"

"No, no. Poo poo."

Score: 3

Why did the French plant trees on either side of the road? So the Germans could march in the shade.

Score: 5

What’s the difference between a hockey team and a French woman? A hockey team showers after 3 periods

Score: 2

A snail bought a Tesla Model S The snail then took off driving at a high rate of speed. As he sped past a famous French restaurant, the chef exclaimed, "Wow, look at that S car go".

Score: 3

Now I'm quite good at coming up with quotes, but those French strawberry rotators... They can really turn a fraise.

Score: 1

I was telling my French friend about the massage I got from a little person last week... She said, “Ah, oui monsieur?”

I said, “Well, yes, I guess he was.”

Score: 2

I’ve always wondered why French people seemed so skinny But then I realized an egg is *un oeuf*

Score: 1

What is a German bomber's favorite type of food? A french fry!

Score: 1

What do the French call a yellow Jamaican man? Lèmon.

I thought of this one myself shut up

Score: 3

What do you call someone who teaches people how to play the French horn? A tooter.

Score: 1

Why did Princess Dianna buy a Nespresso machine? Because the effort of the French Press absolutely killed her.

Score: 1

What's the difference between the French Flag and Trump supporters? [Not Very Political] Trump's supporters aren't COMPLETELY white.

Score: 4

Why do french people love eating snails? Because they hate fast food

Score: 8

If you say "pommes frites" with a croaky voice... Is that a French fry?

Score: 1

Why did the french geologist have to go to the hospital? He had Gaul stones.

Score: 2

What do a sneeze, a french-dip, and Woody Allen have in common? Ah Jew!

Score: 1

I keep throwing up when I count in French My doctor thinks I might have a huit allergy

Score: 2

The French military suffered a major loss today... Their largest white flag factory burned to the ground.

Score: 2

What's the most powerful part of a french tank Reverse gear

Score: 1

Breaking News: French police capture notorious baguette bandit! The suspect was arrested for mugging tourists in the streets of Paris with a stale baguette. He's being charged for assault with a breadly weapon.

Score: 1

I used to work at a french fry stand I was way over quali**fried**

Score: 2

Ever seen the play about the French Revolution? The scene with Marie Antoinette was perfectly executed.

Score: 7

How do the French salute? With both hands.

Score: 1

Did you hear that the French President is getting divorced? Apparently he came home early and caught his wife surrendering to a German.

Score: 7

What's a French egg's favourite airforce? L'oueftwaffe.

Score: 3

Popular Topics