French Jokes

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Funniest French Jokes

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

Score: 15722

An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"

Score: 10089
Funny French Jokes
Score: 3664

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? I don’t know, it’s never been done

Score: 3360

My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.

Score: 2098

Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee? 'Cause they hate the French press

Score: 1799

TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

Score: 1753

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

Score: 1529

My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

Score: 1482

What are the two problems with the French flag? The red bit and the blue bit.

Score: 1304

Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

Score: 1221

Why do French tanks have a rear-view mirror? So that they can see the battlefield

Score: 1022

Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives. A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:

cop: name?

Otto: Otto

cop: address?

Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin

cop: Occupation?

Otto: no, just visiting...

Score: 914

What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!

Score: 798

When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"

Score: 737

I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?

Score: 725

The French Revolution was pretty rough. Did you hear about what happened to Louis XVI's head? [Removed]

Score: 718

My daughter demanded she be treated like a princess... so I married her off to secure an alliance with the French.

Score: 712

Why does the French Army install Rear-view mirrors in their Tanks? So that they can see the battle.

Score: 681

TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

Score: 604

Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.

Score: 592

Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors? To see the battle.

Score: 570

Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? So they can see the battlefield!

Score: 539

I once thanked a French guy to death It was a merci killing

Score: 523

I went to a French zoo There was a baguette in a cage, so I asked the keeper what that was about and apparently it was bread in captivity. (All credit to the wife for that one)

Score: 507

Why do french tanks have rear mirrors? So they can also see the front lines.

Score: 505

I thought my new girlfriend might be the one. But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided; if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

Score: 469

Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg? Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

Score: 450

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world. While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

Score: 419

Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA? Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

Score: 363

Massive explosion at a French cheese factory, first responders say cause is still unknown. All that was left was de brie.

Score: 56

When I was a little kid, my dad would swear then say "Excuse my French" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand

Score: 31

Selling French WW2 Rifle in great condition. It has never been fired only dropped once.

Score: 19

So the French army has recently installed rearview mirrors to their tanks. That way, they can watch the fighting!

Score: 18

The new French tanks are very practical Now they have rear view mirrors to see how the battle is going.

Score: 12

What's Lil Wayne's Favorite French Movie? AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE

Score: 10

Did you hear the one about the American military aviation enthusiast who bought himself a French fighter plane? He was arrested for possession of an Assault Rafale.

Score: 10

The three most arguably important historical revolutions: The Russian, the French, and dance dance

Score: 9

A french fry covered in ketchup fell onto someone’s shoe Without missing a beat, he picked it up and ate it.

A girl saw it and was grossed out. She asked, “Why’d you eat that fry? It was on your shoe!”

He shrugged and said, “Shoe fry don’t bother me.”

Score: 8

Notre Dame went from gothic architecture.. To French baroque.

Score: 7

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New French Jokes

I went to an Informal Indian and French ballerina confrence It was full of Tu-Tus

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Explanation in comments

Score: 1

I met a French girl at the bar and she gave me her snap chat username But so far she's only sent me pictures of cats

Score: 2

What do you call diarrhea in French? 𝓮𝓪𝓾 𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓽*!*

Score: 0

What does the French owl say? Qui Qui

Score: 0

How does the French military advertise its surplus WWII rifles? “Brand new, only been thrown onto the ground once.”

Score: 0

What do you order from a french Italian restaurant? Sbaguetti

Score: 0

Today I had German Toast for breakfast. It’s like French Toast, but the white bread is more pure.

Score: 1

Did you know French fries weren't originallyally fried in France? They were fried in grease.

Score: 0

What's French for ladybug? Buguette

Score: 5

Why do French people find mayonnaise so hilarious? No, seriously. Every time I say it they say lmao.

Score: 2

Europe has many dishes with potatoes The Brits boil them, the Spanish smoke them, the French fry them and the Germans gas them.

Score: 1

Europe has many dishes with potatoes The French cut them up and fry them. The Brits boil and mash them. The Germans gas and bake them.

Score: 2

Did you know that the first French fry wasn’t fried in France? It was fried in Greece.

Score: 5

Why do French men enjoy the Wisconsin country side? They love that Dairy Air!

Score: 3

My parents say "please excuse my French." before they swear. When the teacher asked me what French I knew on the first day of school, she didn't like my answer.

Score: 2

Why are French cats so happy? They're always going lmao.

Score: 2

Being a french baker must be horrible All you do is feel pain everyday

Score: 2

Did you guys hear about the French cheese factory that burnt down recently? The only thing left was da Brie.

Score: 6

What to French Cats text back when they receive something funny? Lmao

Score: 2

Why do they call it a french tuck? Because you only tuck in the shirt above your Oui Oui

Score: 4

What is the motto of the Socialist French Revolution? Oui, the people!

Score: 1

What you call a French snitch? ratatouille

Score: 2

Whats Hippopotamus called in French? Ippopotamus.

Score: 2

French public toilets were useless in the war Always occupied

Score: 4

French Roblox deaths always call for eggs “oeuf!”

Score: 1

What do you call The Maginot Line in French? Speed bump ahead.

Score: 0

There is a sale on antique French army rifles. The slogan is "Never fired. Only dropped once."

Score: 6

Tge French shouldn't only be know if surrendering. The served a very important purpose in WWII They gave a bunch of German soilders STDs

Score: 0

Why did the french toast go on strike? They were tired of being in the syurpeon union.

Score: 2

Why was everyone in the French village inbred? There was only a shallow Jean-Paul

Score: 4

What did the first french tonever fly say? OUIIIIII!

Score: 0

What does a French say when they are flying? OUIIIIIIIIIIII

Score: 0

Whats the worst part sbout a divorce with all these Brexit shenanigans? A wolf's teeth are only as wide as they can french butter.

Score: 0

How do speakers of Dutch, English, French and Danish communicate with each other? They speak Mumble-Saxon.

Score: 2

How Do You Sound Tired In French Le Sigh


Ok guys I’m sorry. Hahahahha

Score: 2

A kid was sent to a French summer camp program that lasted three weeks. It was called “Vingt In the Sun”

Score: 1

I was at a urinal the other day and a old guy comes up to the urinal beside me He asks "Are you English?"
I say "No"
"Are you French?"
I say "No"
"Are you German?"
I say "Yes why are you asking?"
He giggles ,"Cause Your A Peeing!!"

Score: 2

Why do the French love civil wars? So they could win for once.

Score: 1

I just bought a surplus French military rifle. Only dropped once.

Score: 3

So I’ve heard the American flags on the moon are white now because of solar radiation. Does this mean the French own it?

Score: 4

Did you hear about the French military selling new rifles? Never used, only dropped once!

Score: 2

What’s the difference between a hockey team and a French woman? A hockey team showers after 3 periods

Score: 2

Now I'm quite good at coming up with quotes, but those French strawberry rotators... They can really turn a fraise.

Score: 1

I was telling my French friend about the massage I got from a little person last week... She said, “Ah, oui monsieur?”

I said, “Well, yes, I guess he was.”

Score: 2

I’ve always wondered why French people seemed so skinny But then I realized an egg is *un oeuf*

Score: 1

It's no surprise that the French surrendered to the Germans When even your bread is pain, you want as little as possible.

Score: 0

What's a french criminal's favourite font? Sans Sheriff

Score: 4

What do the French call a yellow Jamaican man? Lèmon.

I thought of this one myself shut up

Score: 3

Why don't french stoners celebrate 420? Because they're to busy celebrating 80!

Score: 1

I laughed about a socialist joke once in French It was a proud hon.

Score: 0

What's the difference between a French Knight and my friend with a genie? One's a Paladin, and the other's my pal Alladin

Score: 2

Why did the french geologist have to go to the hospital? He had Gaul stones.

Score: 2

What do a sneeze, a french-dip, and Woody Allen have in common? Ah Jew!

Score: 1

Because of the suns radiation the U.S flag on the moon is now white. Looks like the French finally got there.

Score: 0

I keep throwing up when I count in French My doctor thinks I might have a huit allergy

Score: 2

What's the most powerful part of a french tank Reverse gear

Score: 1

Where do French lawyers like to relax? The J'accusi

Score: 2

Why do terrorist only drink insta-coffee? because they hate french press.

(I hope this isn't too soon.)

Score: 2

How do you pirate in French? *Poirot*

Score: 0

Australian joke I just heard An Australian kiss is like a French kiss only it's... down under.

Score: 1

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