French Jokes


Funniest French Jokes

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

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An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:

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Funny French Jokes
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How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? I don’t know, it’s never been done

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My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.

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Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee? 'Cause they hate the French press

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TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

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TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

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My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

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What are the two problems with the French flag? The red bit and the blue bit.

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Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

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Why do French tanks have a rear-view mirror? So that they can see the battlefield

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Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives. A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:

cop: name?

Otto: Otto

cop: address?

Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin

cop: Occupation?

Otto: no, just visiting...

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What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!

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When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"

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I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?

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The French Revolution was pretty rough. Did you hear about what happened to Louis XVI's head? [Removed]

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My daughter demanded she be treated like a princess... so I married her off to secure an alliance with the French.

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Why does the French Army install Rear-view mirrors in their Tanks? So that they can see the battle.

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TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

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Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.

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Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors? To see the battle.

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Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? So they can see the battlefield!

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I once thanked a French guy to death It was a merci killing

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I went to a French zoo There was a baguette in a cage, so I asked the keeper what that was about and apparently it was bread in captivity. (All credit to the wife for that one)

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Why do french tanks have rear mirrors? So they can also see the front lines.

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I thought my new girlfriend might be the one. But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided; if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

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Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg? Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

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TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world. While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

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Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA? Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

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In a huge lecture hall once I only had four international students turn up - English, French, Spanish and German. I asked if they could all see me. They said... Yes, Oui, Si, Ja

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Selling a french WW2 rifle Never fired, only dropped once.

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Why did the French chef quit working at the haunted restaurant? He got crêped out.

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When I was in high school, I was part of the French club. We didn't really do anything, but every once in a while, we'd surrender to the German club.

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Why does the French Military install rearview mirrors on their tanks? So that they can see the battle.

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What's the difference between a hockey player and a French woman? Hockey players shower after three periods.

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Did you hear about the French fencer who frequently spent time in the USA for competitions? He eventually applied for duel citizenship.

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Germany used to have a large French speaking region. It was called France

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Selling French WW2 Rifle in great condition. It has never been fired only dropped once.

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So the French army has recently installed rearview mirrors to their tanks. That way, they can watch the fighting!

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New French Jokes

Why does the french hate bread ? because it's pain to them.

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What do you call a person who is into French Anime girls? An ouiaboo.

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Why are French people so tough? They eat “pain” for breakfast

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Geometry is a lot like algebra, language arts, and french Its like algebra because it has a lot of math,

Its like language arts because it has a lot of words in it,

And its like french because I don't understand it.

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Why do French people find mayonnaise so hilarious? No, seriously. Every time I say it they say lmao.

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Did you know that the first French fry wasn’t fried in France? It was fried in Greece.

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A french fry covered in ketchup fell onto someone’s shoe Without missing a beat, he picked it up and ate it.

A girl saw it and was grossed out. She asked, “Why’d you eat that fry? It was on your shoe!”

He shrugged and said, “Shoe fry don’t bother me.”

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Why do French men enjoy the Wisconsin country side? They love that Dairy Air!

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Why do the French surrender so quickly? Because they have nothing Toulouse.

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My parents say "please excuse my French." before they swear. When the teacher asked me what French I knew on the first day of school, she didn't like my answer.

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If you made a sandwich out of a french person, would they suffer from it ? Because technically, they would be in "pain".

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I get a call from the front desk of the hotel I am staying at Sir, there is a French number five here to see you.

Ok, let that cinq in.

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Being a french baker must be horrible All you do is feel pain everyday

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I've heard of a French kiss. But what's a Greek kiss? It's where they 69ner but suck each other's noses.

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Why do they call it a french tuck? Because you only tuck in the shirt above your Oui Oui

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There was an explosion at a French cheese factory earlier today Officials say theres nothing but de brie left.

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Whats Hippopotamus called in French? Ippopotamus.

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French public toilets were useless in the war Always occupied

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I met a French person today and they have a weird bone fetish IDK why but they were mentioning bone jaw and bone apple teeth again and again

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What does a French lumberjack yell just before the tree falls? Tomber!

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French police aren't sure how the Notre Dame fire started... But they have a hunch.

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French tanks in WW2 have special features They have side mirrors so they can see the Germans when escaping.

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There is a sale on antique French army rifles. The slogan is "Never fired. Only dropped once."

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Why did the french toast go on strike? They were tired of being in the syurpeon union.

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How do speakers of Dutch, English, French and Danish communicate with each other? They speak Mumble-Saxon.

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How Do You Sound Tired In French Le Sigh

Ok guys I’m sorry. Hahahahha

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This French guy really wanted to sell me salt today. He kept yelling sel! sel! sel!

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What did the French chef say when he was sick and tired of misplacing his olive oil? "I'm losing my huile d'olive."

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Would you rather ski down a hill in the French Alps... ...or run down a slope in your car?

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I just bought a surplus French military rifle. Only dropped once.

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A French teacher asks her new class if any of them know any French. Young Johnny lets out a parade of F-bombs-
"Whoa! Hey now?! Who told you that was French?" interrupted the teacher.
"My dad. He is always asking people to pardon his French".

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What's the first thing they learn in the French army? To say "I surrender!", in German.

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So I’ve heard the American flags on the moon are white now because of solar radiation. Does this mean the French own it?

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Did you hear about the French military selling new rifles? Never used, only dropped once!

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I asked my French teacher if I could use the restroom. "Oui, Oui"

"No, no. Poo poo."

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Why did the French plant trees on either side of the road? So the Germans could march in the shade.

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What’s the difference between a hockey team and a French woman? A hockey team showers after 3 periods

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A snail bought a Tesla Model S The snail then took off driving at a high rate of speed. As he sped past a famous French restaurant, the chef exclaimed, "Wow, look at that S car go".

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I was telling my French friend about the massage I got from a little person last week... She said, “Ah, oui monsieur?”

I said, “Well, yes, I guess he was.”

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What do the French call a yellow Jamaican man? Lèmon.

I thought of this one myself shut up

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What do you call someone who teaches people how to play the French horn? A tooter.

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The new French tanks are very practical Now they have rear view mirrors to see how the battle is going.

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Why did Princess Dianna buy a Nespresso machine? Because the effort of the French Press absolutely killed her.

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What's the difference between the French Flag and Trump supporters? [Not Very Political] Trump's supporters aren't COMPLETELY white.

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Why do french people love eating snails? Because they hate fast food

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Why did the french geologist have to go to the hospital? He had Gaul stones.

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What do a sneeze, a french-dip, and Woody Allen have in common? Ah Jew!

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I keep throwing up when I count in French My doctor thinks I might have a huit allergy

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TIL that French military units do not fly the French flag. They use a white flag instead.

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French pastry bakers are scary They give me the crepes.

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What do you call someone sunbathing in France? A french fry.

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What's the most powerful part of a french tank Reverse gear

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Did you hear the one about the American military aviation enthusiast who bought himself a French fighter plane? He was arrested for possession of an Assault Rafale.

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What's the difference between In-n-Out Burger french fries and League of Legends? I can control my salt intake at In-n-out.

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Do you know what is 100,000 French men standing with their hands up? French Army.

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Its true, I have too much time on my hands: Why did the French Knight hang his impressionist painting on the drawbridge. He wanted to put his Monet where his moat was.

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I used to work at a french fry stand I was way over quali**fried**

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Old tourist joke German tourist arrives at a French airport. Immigration officer asks him: "Occupation?" The German replies: "No, no, just visiting."

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A hamburger and an order of french fries goes into a bar...... the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

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