French Jokes


Funniest French Jokes

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

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An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:

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Funny French Jokes
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How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? I don’t know, it’s never been done

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My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.

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Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee? 'Cause they hate the French press

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TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

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TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

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My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

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What are the two problems with the French flag? The red bit and the blue bit.

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Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

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Why do French tanks have a rear-view mirror? So that they can see the battlefield

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Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives. A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:

cop: name?

Otto: Otto

cop: address?

Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin

cop: Occupation?

Otto: no, just visiting...

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What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!

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When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"

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I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?

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The French Revolution was pretty rough. Did you hear about what happened to Louis XVI's head? [Removed]

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My daughter demanded she be treated like a princess... so I married her off to secure an alliance with the French.

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Why does the French Army install Rear-view mirrors in their Tanks? So that they can see the battle.

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TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

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Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.

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Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors? To see the battle.

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Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? So they can see the battlefield!

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I once thanked a French guy to death It was a merci killing

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I went to a French zoo There was a baguette in a cage, so I asked the keeper what that was about and apparently it was bread in captivity. (All credit to the wife for that one)

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Why do french tanks have rear mirrors? So they can also see the front lines.

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I thought my new girlfriend might be the one. But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided; if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

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Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg? Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

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TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world. While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

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Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA? Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

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Massive explosion at a French cheese factory, first responders say cause is still unknown. All that was left was de brie.

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When I was a little kid, my dad would swear then say "Excuse my French" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand

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Selling French WW2 Rifle in great condition. It has never been fired only dropped once.

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So the French army has recently installed rearview mirrors to their tanks. That way, they can watch the fighting!

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The new French tanks are very practical Now they have rear view mirrors to see how the battle is going.

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Did you hear the one about the American military aviation enthusiast who bought himself a French fighter plane? He was arrested for possession of an Assault Rafale.

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The three most arguably important historical revolutions: The Russian, the French, and dance dance

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A french fry covered in ketchup fell onto someone’s shoe Without missing a beat, he picked it up and ate it.

A girl saw it and was grossed out. She asked, “Why’d you eat that fry? It was on your shoe!”

He shrugged and said, “Shoe fry don’t bother me.”

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Notre Dame went from gothic architecture.. To French baroque.

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New French Jokes

I went to an Informal Indian and French ballerina confrence It was full of Tu-Tus


Explanation in comments

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I met a French girl at the bar and she gave me her snap chat username But so far she's only sent me pictures of cats

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What do you call diarrhea in French? 𝓮𝓪𝓾 𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓽*!*

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What does the French owl say? Qui Qui

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How does the French military advertise its surplus WWII rifles? “Brand new, only been thrown onto the ground once.”

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What do you order from a french Italian restaurant? Sbaguetti

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Today I had German Toast for breakfast. It’s like French Toast, but the white bread is more pure.

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Did you know French fries weren't originallyally fried in France? They were fried in grease.

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What's French for ladybug? Buguette

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Why do French people find mayonnaise so hilarious? No, seriously. Every time I say it they say lmao.

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Europe has many dishes with potatoes The Brits boil them, the Spanish smoke them, the French fry them and the Germans gas them.

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Europe has many dishes with potatoes The French cut them up and fry them. The Brits boil and mash them. The Germans gas and bake them.

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Did you know that the first French fry wasn’t fried in France? It was fried in Greece.

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Why do French men enjoy the Wisconsin country side? They love that Dairy Air!

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My parents say "please excuse my French." before they swear. When the teacher asked me what French I knew on the first day of school, she didn't like my answer.

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Why are French cats so happy? They're always going lmao.

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Being a french baker must be horrible All you do is feel pain everyday

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Did you guys hear about the French cheese factory that burnt down recently? The only thing left was da Brie.

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What to French Cats text back when they receive something funny? Lmao

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Why do they call it a french tuck? Because you only tuck in the shirt above your Oui Oui

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What is the motto of the Socialist French Revolution? Oui, the people!

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What you call a French snitch? ratatouille

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Whats Hippopotamus called in French? Ippopotamus.

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French public toilets were useless in the war Always occupied

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French Roblox deaths always call for eggs “oeuf!”

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What do you call The Maginot Line in French? Speed bump ahead.

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There is a sale on antique French army rifles. The slogan is "Never fired. Only dropped once."

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Tge French shouldn't only be know if surrendering. The served a very important purpose in WWII They gave a bunch of German soilders STDs

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Why did the french toast go on strike? They were tired of being in the syurpeon union.

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Why was everyone in the French village inbred? There was only a shallow Jean-Paul

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What did the first french tonever fly say? OUIIIIII!

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What does a French say when they are flying? OUIIIIIIIIIIII

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Whats the worst part sbout a divorce with all these Brexit shenanigans? A wolf's teeth are only as wide as they can french butter.

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How do speakers of Dutch, English, French and Danish communicate with each other? They speak Mumble-Saxon.

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How Do You Sound Tired In French Le Sigh

Ok guys I’m sorry. Hahahahha

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A kid was sent to a French summer camp program that lasted three weeks. It was called “Vingt In the Sun”

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I was at a urinal the other day and a old guy comes up to the urinal beside me He asks "Are you English?"
I say "No"
"Are you French?"
I say "No"
"Are you German?"
I say "Yes why are you asking?"
He giggles ,"Cause Your A Peeing!!"

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Why do the French love civil wars? So they could win for once.

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I just bought a surplus French military rifle. Only dropped once.

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So I’ve heard the American flags on the moon are white now because of solar radiation. Does this mean the French own it?

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Did you hear about the French military selling new rifles? Never used, only dropped once!

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What’s the difference between a hockey team and a French woman? A hockey team showers after 3 periods

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Now I'm quite good at coming up with quotes, but those French strawberry rotators... They can really turn a fraise.

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I was telling my French friend about the massage I got from a little person last week... She said, “Ah, oui monsieur?”

I said, “Well, yes, I guess he was.”

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I’ve always wondered why French people seemed so skinny But then I realized an egg is *un oeuf*

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It's no surprise that the French surrendered to the Germans When even your bread is pain, you want as little as possible.

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What's a french criminal's favourite font? Sans Sheriff

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What do the French call a yellow Jamaican man? Lèmon.

I thought of this one myself shut up

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Why don't french stoners celebrate 420? Because they're to busy celebrating 80!

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I laughed about a socialist joke once in French It was a proud hon.

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What's the difference between a French Knight and my friend with a genie? One's a Paladin, and the other's my pal Alladin

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Why did the french geologist have to go to the hospital? He had Gaul stones.

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What do a sneeze, a french-dip, and Woody Allen have in common? Ah Jew!

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Because of the suns radiation the U.S flag on the moon is now white. Looks like the French finally got there.

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I keep throwing up when I count in French My doctor thinks I might have a huit allergy

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What's the most powerful part of a french tank Reverse gear

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Where do French lawyers like to relax? The J'accusi

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Why do terrorist only drink insta-coffee? because they hate french press.

(I hope this isn't too soon.)

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How do you pirate in French? *Poirot*

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Australian joke I just heard An Australian kiss is like a French kiss only it's... down under.

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