My wife swears the CIA put a listening device in our yard disguised as a tree. I told her it's just a plant
My grandma was known all over town for her delicious strawberries. She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so that everyone could visit her and enjoy them. I fulfilled her wish. She’s dead and berried.
2 farmers sitting on a porch just passin the time, shootin the sh!t
when a marijuana plant yells out of no where:
"You big dumb dark cow!"
One of the farmer turns to his friend and says
"look at the pot calling the cattle black"
I like to plant my herbs in alphabetical order.
People ask me 'Where do you find the time?'
I say 'It's right there next to the sage'
My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.
I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.
I walked into the nuclear plant operators office...
I walked into the nuclear plant operators office and asked him what to do with the barrels of radioactive waste.
"Bury 'em" he snarled at me,
"No sir, it's actually uranium"
From what I've read, people were a lot more serious about invasive plant species 30 or 40 years ago. A lot of people were writing about stopping the spread of the Soviet onion.
Why did the Nuclear Power Plant have an aquarium built next to it? To put all its nuclear fission.
The most heinous crime--against both Man and Nature--would be to plant dynamite inside cattle That, my friends, would be a-bomb-in-a-bull...
I've gotten a Graphic Design job at a nuclear plant The pay is not great, but they told me I'd be getting some exposure.
People ask me why I quit my job at the necular power plant I guess it was the toxic work environment
A team of thugs broke in to the Pfizer plant and stole all the viagra Police say to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce. The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What did the Idaho farmer plant when he was not sure if he was going sell the crop? Spectators.
So I started cultivating a plant with my ex gf before she broke up with me for this other dude Oh well, guess it’s his-tree now
How can you tell an unidentified plant in your garden is a weed? Try to pull it out. If it comes out easily, it's not a weed.
A power plant blows up near a aquarium...
and I had to be the one to tell my boss about the mutated eels. After I gathered all my courage, I said to him
“Sir, the eels have fur all over them!”
my boss looked so surprised. He then asked:
I like to plant my herbs in alphabetical order
People often ask : "how do you find the time?:
So I say : "it's right there next to the sage"
In the wake of Australia’s forest fires, I decided to man-up and plant a fruit tree. It was time for me to grow a pear.
Kraft is planning on building a manufacturing plant in the Middle East. They will call it "Cheeses of Nazareth".
I was giving new potential customers a tour around the plant today. One of them asked me how many people worked here.
I said: “about half”.
A plant asked an Animal: Hey, what do you think of the new kingdom? The Animal said: I don't know but he seems like a really fungi.
The Police put crime tape around the York Peppermint Patty plant Now it's factory sealed and in mint condition
My supervisor at the nuclear plant is really lazy.
I just found out one of the reactors was malfunctioning and asked him what we were going to do about it.
His answer was "Well that sounds like a U problem".
A weird plant knocked on my door, preaching at me to ditch my current moisturiser. I slammed the door in its face. Damn jojoba’s witnesses.
An enormous perennial plant just swore at me because I said its existence was unnecessary. There's no need for that sort of biggertree.
Scientists have discovered a plant so deadly that even standing under it will soon kill you It's known as the water lily.
I learned that Chernobyl Nuclear Plant has a 4.1 star rating on Google. Apparently it would be more, but people ran out of fingers.
The police nearby are trying to frame me for growing marijuana in my backyard. I'm getting worried they're going to plant some evidence.