My grandma was known all over town for her delicious strawberries. She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so that everyone could visit her and enjoy them. I fulfilled her wish. She’s dead and berried.
2 farmers sitting on a porch just passin the time, shootin the sh!t
when a marijuana plant yells out of no where:
"You big dumb dark cow!"
One of the farmer turns to his friend and says
"look at the pot calling the cattle black"
I like to plant my herbs in alphabetical order.
People ask me 'Where do you find the time?'
I say 'It's right there next to the sage'
My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.
I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.
I walked into the nuclear plant operators office...
I walked into the nuclear plant operators office and asked him what to do with the barrels of radioactive waste.
"Bury 'em" he snarled at me,
"No sir, it's actually uranium"
From what I've read, people were a lot more serious about invasive plant species 30 or 40 years ago. A lot of people were writing about stopping the spread of the Soviet onion.
The most heinous crime--against both Man and Nature--would be to plant dynamite inside cattle That, my friends, would be a-bomb-in-a-bull...
I've gotten a Graphic Design job at a nuclear plant The pay is not great, but they told me I'd be getting some exposure.
I was looking through the living room window at the tree I'd just planted and I thought to myself "Why didn't I plant it out here in the garden?"
In the wake of Australia’s forest fires, I decided to man-up and plant a fruit tree. It was time for me to grow a pear.
Kraft is planning on building a manufacturing plant in the Middle East. They will call it "Cheeses of Nazareth".
I was giving new potential customers a tour around the plant today. One of them asked me how many people worked here.
I said: “about half”.
A plant asked an Animal: Hey, what do you think of the new kingdom? The Animal said: I don't know but he seems like a really fungi.
The Police put crime tape around the York Peppermint Patty plant Now it's factory sealed and in mint condition
My interview at the recycling plant lasted 10 seconds
Interviewer - What were you doing before ?
Me - Posting on r/Jokes
Interviewer - Hired
My supervisor at the nuclear plant is really lazy.
I just found out one of the reactors was malfunctioning and asked him what we were going to do about it.
His answer was "Well that sounds like a U problem".
A weird plant knocked on my door, preaching at me to ditch my current moisturiser. I slammed the door in its face. Damn jojoba’s witnesses.
An enormous perennial plant just swore at me because I said its existence was unnecessary. There's no need for that sort of biggertree.
Scientists have discovered a plant so deadly that even standing under it will soon kill you It's known as the water lily.
I learned that Chernobyl Nuclear Plant has a 4.1 star rating on Google. Apparently it would be more, but people ran out of fingers.
The police nearby are trying to frame me for growing marijuana in my backyard. I'm getting worried they're going to plant some evidence.
What does a nuclear power plant and your mom have in common? I wouldn't enter either one without protection.
Why do scuba divers dive backwards of boats? Because if they dove forward they would face plant on the boat.
So, I'm a mushroom and I decided to ask a plant out.
She says she doesn't date fungi.
I guess I should be more edgy.
What does a plant cell typically consist of? Three concrete walls with no windows and some sturdy iron bars.
My uneducated neigbor was planning to grow a flowerbed in his backyard But then he realised he can't plant flowers as he hadn't botany
I was eating at a restaurant and decided to try a dish I'd never had before. I was quite shocked when I found out that the meal was just a small plant with thick, fleshy leaves. But don't worry... ...it was succulent.
I have a plant in my garden that will kill you if you sit under it for just ten minutes It's called a water lily.
What do a new house plant and a new relationship have in common? No matter how good my intentions, eventually I'm going to kill it.