Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?
It's a sad state of affairs.
Credit: Paul Savage
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture. Wow thanks I'm cured.
A guy tried to cure his depression with Viagra. It didn't work. Things were getting harder and harder.
I mixed up my viagra and depression medication today. No matter how much I try, everything just keeps getting harder and harder.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, Forget it.....Soldier on!
My doctor prescribed me Viagra for my depression by mistake All it did was make everything harder and harder.
I really hope this country doesn't slip into depression... Because if it does Trump will make sure it is the *Greatest* depression it has ever seen.
Whenever I tell people about my depression they always say the same thing Sir, this is a wendy’s drivethrough
What's the difference between crippling depression and crippled depression? One can't get out of bed because they're depressed, the other is depressed because they can't get out of bed.
Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue? Because their servers were down.
Therapist: on a scale of 1 to 10 rate your depression.
Me: low level and never ending.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ... The 5 stages of buying petrol.
Being in a state of depression is one of the worst place to find yourself. But at least it's not Mississippi.
I have been trying Chinese medicine for depression for about two months now I think its working. My tears have certainly been repressed.
They did a study comparing the brains of 17 people with depression and the brains of 18 healthy people They discovered that on average, the depressed group had one brain less.
I've been clean for 30 days. Having depression makes it difficult to take of myself, but I've managed to shower and brush my teeth for 30 days in a row. Thankfully I have all this heroin to get me through it.
Why did Prohibition end at the end of the 1920s? Because you need a drink to get over a great depression
I'm not saying cosmetic surgery cured my depression But it definitely put a smile on my face.
What do you call a ditch that has had accidents leading to making people wheelchair bound? A crippling depression
Arkansas ranks highly among other states in terms of depression and adultery It's a sad state of affairs.
I asked the doctor what my life expectancy was. He said, "Financial troubles leading into a long-term bout of depression before an inevitable death."
Two people are meeting, but before they shake hands, one of them goes
“Do you have something that rhymes with borona virus?”
The other person replies “No, crippling depression doesn’t rhyme with borona virus”
My doctor prescribed me Viagra for my depression He thought it would lift me up, but it just makes everything a whole lot harder.
Depression has cured my hypochondria I no longer fear dying, even if WebMD gives me 2 days to live.
I dont know how the US government can get mad at students with depression for shootings when the only reason the US got over the Great Depression was because of WWII.
A smoothie bar serving combined fruit and vegetable smoothies has been linked to bouts of depression and suicide.
Their ' Melon - Cauli ' smoothie has now been withdrawn.
A smoothie bar serving combined fruit and vegetable drinks has been linked to bouts of depression and suicide... Their "Melon-Cauli" smoothie has now been withdrawn...
What’s the difference between depression and suppression One is a gun to the head, another is a head to the gun
What do I have in common with the 20th century? In our 20s, we both suffered from a Great Depression
Jokes about depression are just like jokes about being black I was gonna go on a long rant but I just realized if you just change the “d” to “r” it’s the same
I am slowly losing the fight against my crippling depression symptoms. I couldn’t be happier.
A longtime sufferer of depression was on his deathbed, surrounded by friends and family. He said "At least I'm gonna die doing what I like" to which his son replied "What?" "Dying".
When ever you feel depression coming on.
Don't give in to it. Keep your head up and think of all of the people living in poverty around the world and say to yourself, "ahahaha, stupid poor people"
What do depression and ISIS have in common? They're both terrorist cells which are very hard to pin down, very hard to get rid of and they keep trying to destroy your home from the inside - while you're still in it.
Licking a frog is good for depression Bad thing is that once you stop licking it, the frog becomes depressed again.
Me: Depression is the worst. I just want to sleep all day, I've been eating the same thing for every meal, life has lost its color—
My dog: oh my God, I have depression
What do you call a press that has depression DE-PRESSED. Anyone? Hello? Ok brb killing myself
What's the difference between depression and drinking hot cocoa on a cold winter night... One's an internal struggle while the other is an internal snuggle.
You wouldn't wish depression on your worst enemy Or would you. If they are your worst enemy depression ain't that bad of a wish
Me: It smells like updog in here.
Girl: What’s updog?
Me: Well I’ve been having a hard time with depression Karen...
I recently moved into an apartment building that only houses people struggling with depression It's called The Inferiority Complex
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was trying to get run over by a car because he was slowing dying inside and had serious depression
What happened to the Portuguese man when he got no presents for Christmas? He got post-Natal depression
Everyone's the protagonist of their own story... I just have crippling depression because I'm a horror novelist
On vacation I got sad and started drinking 40's. You might say my tropical depression turned into a case of hurricanes.