Heating Jokes

My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is I told him, "My door is always open".

Score: 507

My landlord wanted to come talk to me about the high heating bill I told him, "My door is always open".

Score: 177

My girlfriend asked me why I was blow-drying my crotch... Apparently "heating your dinner" was not the response she was looking for.

Score: 89

My dad said something earlier that gave me chills. He said, "I'm turning off the heating."

Score: 27

If anyone wants to come and talk about why my heating bills are sky high \- the door is always open

Score: 21

My landlord wanted to talk to me about my high heating bill... I said, "come on by, my door is always open."

(thanks to u/porichoygupto)

Score: 14
Funny Heating Jokes
Score: 6

I got a lump of coal last Christmas... Jokes on you Santa! I’m too poor to afford heating!

Score: 5

The ancient Romans would be saddened to know how many of their advances we'd forgotten. Aquaducts, fast food, underfloor heating... But hey, it's all water over the bridge.

Score: 4

Pakistan has shot down 2 Indian Jet fighters. Using sophisticated Sikh - Heating missiles.

Score: 4

You know what makes my blood boil? Heating it to about 212 degrees

Score: 4

I was playing golf paired with a chimney sweep the other day. I said to him "Whats your handicap?" He replied "Central Heating"

Score: 4

A man says to his wife 'Grab your jacket I'm going to the pub' She asks 'Oh, are you taking me with you?'
'No, I'm turning the heating off'

Score: 4

Why weren't the baked beans heating up? They were just chilling

Score: 3

Why did the hipster sweat so much? He turned on the heating before it was cool.

Score: 3

Winter is upon is, the poor will have to choose between food, heating Or getting a new tattoo.

Score: 3

a guy says to his wife "I'm off to the pub love, get your coat on".
Wife - "ooh, lovely, which pub are we going to?"
Man - "you're not coming with me, you'll need your coat because I'm turning the heating off while I'm out"

Score: 2

Intel’s CPUs aren’t overpriced... If you subtract the amount you’ll save on heating this winter, you’re profiting!

Score: 2

Why do hipsters sweat so much? They turn on the heating before it is cool.

Score: 2

If someone can explain to me why my monthly heating bills are so high.. ..My door is always open.

Score: 2

I have a huge passion for a corrupt heating business. I'm a stay colder.

Score: 2

At the right place at the right time! An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.

Score: 2

Knock knock - Who's there?
- Juan?
- Juan who?
- I guess it takes Juan to know Juan.

Bad I know, but I thought of it while heating my coffee and felt obliged to share it.

Score: 1

LPT: If you feel too cold, and can't afford central heating ...Just stand in a corner of your house. They are usually ~ 90°

Score: 1

How did the Kremlin staff found Brezhnev in the morning? They found him Lenin' on the bed with heating on Marx.

Score: 1

Just heating up dinner A husband gets home to find his wife naked in front of the fire place with her legs spread out.

Husband: honey, what are you doing?

Wife: just heating up dinner.

Score: 1

Have you heard of the memoryfoam kingdom? No? Well, they're really heating up and starting to expand!

Score: 1

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