My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is I told him, "My door is always open".
My landlord wanted to come talk to me about the high heating bill I told him, "My door is always open".
My girlfriend asked me why I was blow-drying my crotch... Apparently "heating your dinner" was not the response she was looking for.
My dad said something earlier that gave me chills. He said, "I'm turning off the heating."
If anyone wants to come and talk about why my heating bills are sky high \- the door is always open
My landlord wanted to talk to me about my high heating bill...
I said, "come on by, my door is always open."
(thanks to u/porichoygupto)
I got a lump of coal last Christmas... Jokes on you Santa! I’m too poor to afford heating!
The ancient Romans would be saddened to know how many of their advances we'd forgotten. Aquaducts, fast food, underfloor heating... But hey, it's all water over the bridge.
Pakistan has shot down 2 Indian Jet fighters. Using sophisticated Sikh - Heating missiles.
You know what makes my blood boil? Heating it to about 212 degrees
I was playing golf paired with a chimney sweep the other day. I said to him "Whats your handicap?" He replied "Central Heating"
A man says to his wife 'Grab your jacket I'm going to the pub'
She asks 'Oh, are you taking me with you?'
'No, I'm turning the heating off'
Why weren't the baked beans heating up? They were just chilling
Why did the hipster sweat so much? He turned on the heating before it was cool.
Winter is upon is, the poor will have to choose between food, heating Or getting a new tattoo.
a guy says to his wife
"I'm off to the pub love, get your coat on".
Wife - "ooh, lovely, which pub are we going to?"
Man - "you're not coming with me, you'll need your coat because I'm turning the heating off while I'm out"
Intel’s CPUs aren’t overpriced... If you subtract the amount you’ll save on heating this winter, you’re profiting!
Why do hipsters sweat so much? They turn on the heating before it is cool.
If someone can explain to me why my monthly heating bills are so high.. ..My door is always open.
I have a huge passion for a corrupt heating business. I'm a stay colder.
At the right place at the right time! An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.
Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Juan?
- Juan who?
- I guess it takes Juan to know Juan.
Bad I know, but I thought of it while heating my coffee and felt obliged to share it.
LPT: If you feel too cold, and can't afford central heating ...Just stand in a corner of your house. They are usually ~ 90°
How did the Kremlin staff found Brezhnev in the morning? They found him Lenin' on the bed with heating on Marx.
Just heating up dinner
A husband gets home to find his wife naked in front of the fire place with her legs spread out.
Husband: honey, what are you doing?
Wife: just heating up dinner.
Have you heard of the memoryfoam kingdom? No? Well, they're really heating up and starting to expand!