Attorney Jokes

Judge going through the file of an accused Judge: So what's your Name?
Accused: Mr. Fallchurges, your Honor. First name is Freo.
Judge: So you're Freo Fallchurges.
Accused: *standing up* Thank you, Your Honor.
Attorney: Heck, we almost got him this time

Score: 104
Funny Attorney Jokes
Score: 76

Attorney: My client is trapped in a penny Judge: What?

Attorney: He's in a cent.

Score: 57

Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12... ....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu

Score: 31

Last night I slept like an attorney. First I'd lie one side, then I'd lie on the other.

Score: 24

What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo? The attorney charges more.

Score: 11

Apparently Aaron Hernandez misunderstood his attorney when his lawyer told him to... hang in there

Score: 11

A man gets a call from a divorce attorney He says "I'm with your wife right now. She's taking all of it."

The man says, "Pssh. There's nothing to take!"

The attorney replies, "nine inches isn't nothing."

Score: 11

I have a problem with taking things literally. My attorney advises me that it's called 'theft'.

Score: 9

The attorney filed a motion for a new trial. The judge barked angrily "On what grounds!?" "Your honor," the lawyer explained, "my client has discovered some money that I didn't know he had."

Score: 8

Did any news come out of Attorney General Jeff Sessions testimony? “I don’t recall.”

Score: 7

I lost 130 pounds this year And my boat, my house, and 50% of everything I’ll make til the kids are 18. My divorce attorney sucks.

Score: 6

What do lawyers do with a injured leg They put it in attorney-quet.

Score: 6

My wife is divorcing me because I refused to buy her some new bras. Her attorney calls it “failure to support”.

Score: 6

A funeral stone: This is where rests in peace an attorney, a good and honorable man A guy passing buy is shocked: " Wow! I never knew they can bury 3 people in the same grave."

Score: 5

What's a divorce attorney's favorite dessert? Wedding cake

Score: 5

M.A.G.A. My Attorney Got Arrested

Score: 5

A person in the interrogation room will not speak without his attorney present. Officer: Sir, y*ou're* the lawyer, don't you know?

Lawyer: Yes, but where's my present?

Score: 5

A poor man is wrongly accused of murder. He doesn't have the money to pay for an attorney, but he does have a friend who just recently received his lawyer's license. The lawyer gave him a free trial.

Score: 5

I recently found a divorce attorney Their company name is Ditcher and Hyde if you want to check them out

Score: 5

What did the attorney wear to the courthouse? A lawsuit.

Score: 5

The other day, I got bitten by a radioactive lawyer... ...I now have the power of attorney.

Score: 5

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.

Score: 4

I'm an attorney working on my fifth freelance project. That guy really needs to stop getting arrested.

Score: 4

no further questions, your honor Attorney: Why didn't you help, when this total stranger beat up your wife ?

Culprit: I thought, he would be able to do it alone.

Score: 4

Baby, are you a Caucasian teen with connected parents on trial for DUI manslaughter defended by a high powered attorney? 'Cause you got FINE written all over you.

Score: 4

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Score: 4

Funny Courtroom Transcript Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Score: 4

Did the US Attorney General just talk to the Russians... Or did he have Sessions with them?

Score: 3

What do you call an attorney with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.

Score: 3

2016 has been a bad year: my attorney sued me for assault, my health-club canceled my membership for non-payment. On the plus side, my social media presence increased! So 2016: Hit attorney, deleted gym...but Facebook up!

Score: 2

We truly are living in an alternate timeline. I was sure the Deputy District Attorney's name was Rod Rosen**stain**.

Score: 2

What do you call a lawyer with a black belt in karate? A self defense attorney!

Score: 2

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

Score: 2

Your wife and your attorney are drowning. You got two options... Go golfing, or go bowling

Score: 1

What does a weightlifting divorce attorney have in common with a good push-up bra? They both lift and separate.

Score: 1

What is a defense attorney's favorite kink? Getting off on a technicality.

Score: 1

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