Why are old men given Viagra in the nursing home? So they don't roll out of bed
I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him. I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.
A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing.
'He’s like a fish out of water.’
‘You mean he’s having trouble adjusting?’
‘No, I mean he’s dead.’
A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing...
'He's like a fish out of water.'
'You mean he's having trouble adjusting?'
'No, I mean he's dead.'
-Mike Close-
So my family and I go past a nursing home... There are balloons on the sign. My wife says "maybe someone had a birthday", my daughter says "maybe it's for a fundraiser", and then my son says "maybe someone they didn't like died and they are celebrating"
We put Granddad into a nursing home yesterday
I called Grandma to see how he was doing.
"Oh, dear, he's like a fish out of water!" she told me.
"Is he finding hard to adjust?" I asked.
"No, he's dead."
What do you call it when a guy named Jerry sleeps with three senior citizens in a nursing home in one night? A Jerry Hat Trick
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? In an American nursing home.
My nursing home golf team won again... We had the least amount of strokes!
My mom was checking out some glossy brochures to travel to a place she’s never been where she’d be waited on hand and foot 24/7 with all inclusive dining and entertainment I agreed and put her in a nursing home
What do you call a nursing home with a buffet? A Golden Corral.
What did the old man say to the prettiest nurse at the nursing home? "Help! I've fallen for you and I can't get it up!"
What did the grapes say to their parents after they put them into a nursing home? Thanks for raisin us
Did you hear about Nursing Home Sports League Everyone gets atrophy at the end of the season.
What's the most popular game at a nursing home? Guess who
I sang Danny Boy at the nursing home the other day There wasn't a dry seat in the house.
I was gunna write the great American nursing home romance novel... ....but the title "50 Shades of Grey" was already taken.
There are two old men at a nursing home
One of them turns to the other and asks "Do you wear boxers or briefs?"
The other man responds "Depends"
I used to work at a nursing home full of handicapped people But I quit, because I could not stand them.
I asked my Mom what she wanted for Mother's Day. She said, "Thanks son, but all I want is a bit of caring and looking after." So I put her in a nursing home.
Best response by a nursing home patient ever.
I asked my patient, "how ya feelin today"?
He whispers while still half asleep, "with my fingers."
What does trail mix have in common with a nursing home? They're both filled with nuts
Why should there be air-conditioning in the nursing home? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
I lost my job as an event planner at a nursing home today... Apparently “Get down before being put down” is not an acceptable name for a dance event.
My Grandpa seemed distraught after losing his watch at the Nursing Home. I said, Grandpa, what will you do.......He gave me a wink and said.....I will search every Nook and Granny
What’s the difference between The White House and a nursing home for the senile? The White House smells worse.
What do nursing homes smell like? Depends...
I just got a job as a senior director in a nursing home. I tell old people where to go.
What is the average number of inhabitants in a Swedish nursing home? Can't say, that would be a mean joke.
A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing. ‘
He’s like a fish out of water.’
‘You mean he’s having trouble adjusting?’
‘No, I mean he’s dead.’
A conservative, a guns-rights activist, a pro-life demonstrator and a Trum supporter walk into a bar. The bartender says: \- I'm sorry, gentlemen! The nursing home is right across the road.