Veterinarian Jokes

What do you call a veterinarian who can only treat one species? A Doctor.

Score: 288

What's the hardest part about reading a Veterinarian book? Putting it down

Score: 193

As she lay there dozing next to me.. ..a voice in my head kept saying, "Relax, you're not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients."

But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you're a veterinarian.."

Score: 131

A Doctor Joke As she laid there next to me starting to sleep I said to myself, "Nick, I'm sure you aren't the only doctor to sleep with their patient.

But then another voice told me, "Nick, you are a veterinarian."

Score: 71

I was a little anxious when I hired an assassin to kill my best friend, ...but the veterinarian said they do this all the time.

Score: 64

Did you hear about the guy who is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian? He has a sign on his door: “Either way, you get your dog back.”

Score: 34

My Uncle was fired for sleeping with one of his patients... The worst part is that he's a veterinarian.

Lol just kidding, he's a pediatrician.

Score: 26

Two men argue: - *How could you sleep with her?!*

- She was naked, what else should I do?

- *The autopsy!*

- Dont tell me what to do!!

- *You are the worst veterinarian ever*!!

Score: 23

I saw a bumper sticker saying “I am a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal” Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road.

Score: 20

What do you call a veterinarian that can only work on one animal? A doctor.

Score: 15

I got transferred from work three times this year for letting my clients give me oral during checkups. I’m starting to think that maybe a veterinarian career isn’t for me.

Score: 13

Did you hear about the guy who is both a taxidermist and veterinarian? He has a sign on the door that says "Either way, you get your dog back."

Score: 12

What do you call a veterinarian that only treats one species? A physician.

Score: 10

A buddy of mine in the medical profession recently lost his job for trying to sleep with a patient... Let me tell you, being a veterinarian isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Score: 9

Do you know a good veterinarian? Got asked this by a friend the other day.

Hey, do you know a good veterinarian?
<he starts flexing his muscles>
'cause these puppies are SICK.

Score: 7

When I was little I thought being a veterinarian was the best job in the world Then I found out they have to do more than put down cats all day

Score: 7
Funny Veterinarian Jokes
Score: 7

Where do you take a dog when it loses its tail? The veterinarian

Score: 6

Did you hear about the doctor who permanently lost his license JUST for sleeping with one of his patients?!? He was a great veterinarian.

Score: 6

My neighbor is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian He has a sign that says either way you get your dog back

Score: 4

I saw a bumper sticker today that read "My job is a Veterinarian, so I can drive like an animal!"

I suddenly realized how many how many Proctologists there are on the road!

Score: 4

What do you call a veterinarian who specialises in only one species? A Doctor

Score: 4

What did the veterinarian diagnose the elderly dog with who couldn’t stop shaking its paws? Pawkinson’s



(I made this one up so it might need a bit of work)
Alternate version includes a dog with barkinson’s who can’t stop barking lol

Score: 4

A jew, an episcopalian, a veterinarian, a hipster, a redneck, a goth, and a frat boy all walk into a bar that promotes diversity The bartender says "sorry, we have enough whites."

Score: 3

I got the veterinarian at the zoo fired after he told me about performing a rectal exam. I promptly called the zoo administrators and reported the HIPPO violation.

Score: 3

What do you call an Amish veterinarian? A mechanic.

Score: 3

Did you hear about the veterinarian and the taxidermist who went into business together? Their slogan was, “Either “Way, You Get Your Pet Back.”

Score: 3

If a veterinarian says a pregnant cow needs to have an abortion... Does that mean he's ordering a de-calf?

Score: 3

What was that famous owl veterinarian's name again? Dr. Who^^^please ^^^dont ^^^kill ^^^me

Score: 2

What do you call a veterinarian who's real good at poker? (first post) Ace of spays

Score: 2

What does a veterinarian eat for dinner? Veterans

Score: 2

I wonder... I wonder if a stripper has ever given a lap dance to a horse veterinarian to the song "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay."

Score: 2

Doctor! Doctor! I'm really concerned about this mole on my back! Doctor: I'm a dermatologist, not a veterinarian

Score: 1

A doctor was caught having an affair with his patient. This is very unprofessional. Especially since he is a veterinarian

Score: 1

What did the yogic veterinarian say when asked for birth control? Namaspay

Score: 1

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