How do you kill a guy with a coconut allergy? You put a bounty on his head.
I sneezed in front of my stuttering friend and said, "man, my sinuses are on fire".
"i-i-is i-i-it an-an-allergy?" he asked
I said, "no, it's a metaphor".
A woman is stung by a bee on a golf course
She goes into anaphylactic shock due to an allergy and they take her to a doctor.
"Where was she stung?", asked the doctor.
"Between the first and second hole.",
"Well she may need to work on her stance."
Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept ACHOO! Sorry, I have a wheat allergy.
"Hey bro, so I just got diagnosed with a dairy allergy." "No whey, man."
My friend died during his trip in Germany Apparently he had an undiagnosed Guten allergy.
I’ve never been able to count any higher than seven in French... It turns out I’ve got a huit allergy
"Man, my sinuses are on fire!"
"An allergy?"
"No, a metaphor".
It's allergy season upon us, so remember to say "pika" before you sneeze and if you forget, just say "bacca" after!
It's allergy season. If my nose keeps running, I'm going to have to buy it new shoes.
What do you call an Ox with a gluten allergy? A silly-yak.
What do you call a Chinese kid with a cat allergy? Starved.
I’m writing a screenplay about a group of criminals scheming to rob an allergy clinic. I’m thinking of calling it “The Gesundheist”.
We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting They caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.
What do you call a woman with a latex allergy? Mom.
Did you hear about the German man who was up to no good? I heard he has a severe guten allergy.
Depressed people with an allergy to shellfish They must think the world is their oyster
I just found out that I’m allergic to red meat...
“I just found out that I’m allergic to red meat. No more steaks for me.”
———“I’ve never heard of that. Is that a rare allergy.”
“No, I can’t even have it well done!”
TIL most females have a nut allergy. You nut in them and they could swell for 9 months.
I have a severe allergy to alcohol Whenever I drink it I breakout in handcuffs.
For me, bondage was life-changing... Turns out I have a major latex allergy
Why do people with a gluten allergy usually make for pretty funny comedians? Because they always have silly acts.
What's the worst thing that can happen to a gypsy? Allergy to copper.
I keep throwing up when I count in French My doctor thinks I might have a huit allergy
How can a Pb & Jelly sandwich make you sick even though you don't have a peanut allergy? Lead poisoning
My friend couldn't stop sneezing and I said, "man, your nose is like a shotgun with unlimited ammo!"
He said, "It's ah.. ahh.. an-an-allergy"
I said, "no, simile".
My friend died from a nut allergy He gave me this thing called an “epipen” in his last moments. It was really important to him that I had it.
I discovered that I an allergy to plant-type Pokemon. I caught a bulbous sore.
I love to sneeze.
Everybody’s like “bruh, get some allergy medication”
And I’m like “f*** u bruh, I wanna get hiiiiiigh”
What did the spokesperson for the allergy medicine company say during the fire? This has not Benadryl