As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn’t* something trying to kill you... “School” is my answer
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there "isn't" something trying to kill you.... "School" is my answer.
I'm Aussie and Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you... School is my answer!
Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie. One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a Kiwi!
Let's make it Aussie joke day. A man on vacation in Queensland suffers a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. On waking, he weakly asks the nurse, "Was I brought here to die?" The nurse replies, "No, they brought you in yesterday."
An Aussie kiss is like a French kiss... But down under
A guy got angry at an aussie
A guy got really angry at an aussie, so he told him "Go die"
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The aussie responded "G'day to you to, mate!"
How does the Aussie Chessmaster pay his bills? Checkmate
Have you ever had an Aussie kiss? It’s like a French kiss, just down under.
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn’t* something trying to kill you... I say one word. "School."
How do you ask an Aussie waiter for the bill? 'Checkmate!'
Women. An Aussie saying"we're men".
An Australian with two bad eyes may not be the best at making you feel good... But an Aussie with one good eye might...
What did the Aussie say when he turned 8? Oi mate
Japanese Camera There's a Japanese firm that has developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast it can actually catch an Aussie with his mouth shut.
Old Aussie joke: Why is the lady on the Red Heads matchbox always smiling? There are 48 heads in her box - of course she`s happy!
What do Aussie bass strings say? G'DAE!
So I was in a hostel playing chess with a European guy when an Aussie comes up and says...
"There's no way you'll win."
"Why?"
"Because he's Czech, mate"
Two Aussie chess players are finishing lunch. One makes a move for the waiter.. "Check, mate?"
My aussie friend was clearly impressed with me..
When i spotted him amongst the dense crowd of people.
Without skipping a beat, first thing he said to me was, “good eye mike!”
What do you call an Aussie who lies for a living? A lawyer.
What do the Aussie say when he saw the chessboard? Check, mate.
I told an Aussie friend I was having trouble rooting my phone He replied, "Maybe try buying it dinner first, mate. "
What should you do if an Aussie throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
As an Aussie; 10am is when I make a cuppa Twinings English Breakfast for the local marsupials it's a really koala tea time
I don't know why the teen that cracked egg on the Aussie senator's head is hailed as a hero. He's clearly an eggstremist and we don't condone eggstremism
What did the waiter say to the Aussie chess player after he finished his meal? Here's your cheque mate.
Why did the Englishman and the Aussie want to burn the other? They wanted The Ashes.
An Aussie wins a game of chess and calls for the bill, then his friend collapses in his chair. He says: “Checkmate. Check, mate” then Checks his mate
What did the Aussie say when his friend ran out of TP? Bidet mate!
Aussie bin man knocks on front door of China mans house as he can't find his bin.
Aussie binman: gd day mate. Where's ya bin?
China man: ah hello. I bin sleeping.
Aussie bin man: na mate. Whes ya wheelie bin?
China man: ah. Ok. I really been wankin.
Downvotes are actually updoots from our Aussie bros _respect_ , _dedication_