Broccoli Jokes

Why wouldn’t the anti-vaxxers child eat his broccoli? He’s dead

Score: 527
Funny Broccoli Jokes
Score: 407

Ya know what the difference between broccoli and boogers is? I don't eat broccoli.

(my 9yr old daughter told me this joke and I loved it. thought I'd share it with you guys)

Score: 246

A newlywed Asian couple are on the first night of their honeymoon and have saved it for marriage The husband says to his wife, "What do you want to do? We can try anything you want."

The wife says, "I want 69."

The husband replies, "You want beef with broccoli?"

Score: 120

So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends... The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"

The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"

The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"

The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"

Score: 25

I asked my doctor how bad my breath is. "You see that broccoli over there?" he pointed.

"Yes..." I replied.

"That was a cauliflower before you started talking."

Score: 23

What's the similarity between sodomy and broccoli? Even with butter, children will still not like them

Score: 20

My daughter can be so cruel... Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers?

Me: I don't know, what?

Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!

Score: 15

A bashful Chinese couple gets married . . . On their honeymoon, the husband asks, "So what do you want to do?"

The wife replies, "I think I want 69."

The husband is shocked.

"You want Beef and Broccoli now?!!!"

Score: 15

What's do broccoli and pubic hair have in common? You brush them both aside and keep on eating.

Score: 11

Why could the tomatoe outrun the broccoli? Because he wasn't a vegetable.

Score: 11

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree. Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

Score: 10

The owner of a Chinese restaurant is doing his wife He says I want 69. His wife replies why you want beef and broccoli right now?

Score: 10

What's the difference between broccoli and boogers? You can't get kids to eat broccoli.

Score: 9

What's the difference between broccoli and a booger ? little kids won't eat broccoli .

Score: 8

Democracy To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner: pizza or tacos .

They picked pizza.

So I made steamed broccoli because that's what we get after we are done voting.

(Blatant copy from another joke)

Score: 8

How do you call your brother if he has ecoli?? Broccoli

Score: 7

An Asian couple is in bed And the husband, making an effort to spice things up, says "We do #69 now"!

And the wife says, "Why you want Beef and Broccoli"?

Score: 6

What did the broccoli say to the cauliflower when making their getaway? "Floret!"

Score: 6

A Chinese couple are in bed The husband says, "Can we do 69?"

The wife gets up and starts making him beef with broccoli.

Score: 5

A Chinese couple are laying in bed... Him- "I wanna 69!"

Her- "You want beef with broccoli now???"

Score: 5

What did the cauliflower bank robber say to the broccoli getaway driver? Floret.

Score: 5

A Broccoli, Mushroom, Walnut and a Banana are having a discussion Broccoli: I look like a tree!

Mushroom: I look like an umbrella!

Walnut: I look like a brain!

Banana: You guys wanna talk about something else?

Score: 5

What a fruit. Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Can we change the topic please?

Score: 5

A man was dating a Chinese woman... She was moving things along pretty slowly and finally the guy asked "Can we try 69?"
She replied "You want beef and broccoli?"

Score: 4

when fruit talks Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

Score: 4

What is the name of Bruce Lee's crippled brother? Broccoli

Score: 4

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain. Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

Score: 4

Hey, I look like a tree. Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

Score: 4

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Little kids don't eat broccoli.

Score: 4

A Chinese Couple are in bed on their wedding night And the wife asks her husband what he wants. He thinks for a second and says I want a 69. She slaps his face and says you want Beef and Broccoli right now?

Score: 3

An oriental couple got married. On their honeymoon the man says "onney I do any ting you wan. Any ting to please you." She said "I wanna numa 69" "what?" "I wanna numa 69!" "You wanna broccoli and chicken?!"

Score: 2

look like Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

Score: 2

What's the difference between broccoli and snot? Try to make a child eat broccoli!

Score: 2

What`s the difference between broccoli and a booger? Kids don`t eat broccoli!

Score: 1

Different foods were talking to each other, Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

Score: 1

What do you call a dinosaur who only eats kale, broccoli, and cauliflower? A cruciferous rex!

Score: 1

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