Astute Diagnosis
A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."
A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose. He has a stalk of celery in the other nostril and peas in his ears. He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well." The doctor says, "Well, you're not eating right."
So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose nostril... He mumbles to the doctor "I think there's something wrong." to which the doctor replies "I don't think you're eating right."
I recently got a job at a Vegetable farm. It's hard work, but i get a decent celery.
Do vegans get paid hourly or celery? That's it. That was the joke. No witty punchline or anything like that. Sorry.
Is it okay to eat a lake monster's vegetables? Not Nessie's celery.
Who do you hang out with, a strawberry, a celery stick or a mushroom? The mushroom because he's a fungi.
Why was the celery arrested? It was accused of stalking.
Why should you work for a vegetable factory? Because they offer a good celery.
I've just turned down a job delivering for my local fruit and veg shop. They offered to pay me in vegetables, but the celery was unacceptable.
Why did the chef quit his job? They cut his celery
Why were all the other vegetables afraid of celery? because celery stalks
What does pubic hair and celery have in common? Just move it to the side and keep eating.
I was going to tell a celery joke
but it might become a laughing stalk.
O_o
I applied for a job recently because it offered something that would appease my vegetable fetish. Apparently an 'attractive celery' means something different.
A man goes to see the doctor.
He has a carrot in his ear, a stick of celery up his nose and mash potato and peas in his hair.
Doctor says "You not eating right."
A man asked me does every sentence I say have to contain a vegetable... I said not nece-celery
I used to have a job eating vegetables I hated it, but the celery was good
What did the bunny ask his boss for? A raise in *celery*.
How do you make a vegan happy? Give them a celery increase
Why was the hamster anxious at work? Because his job didn’t pay a high enough celery.
I hate shopping for celery this time of year. Seems like they’re always out of stalk.
We had a nice, quiet dinner last night... Except for the Celery, of course!
Vegans don't beat their meat They beat their celery stick.
Is it wrong to steal Scottish mythological creature's vegetables?
Not Nessy's Celery.
(Credit: Bo Burnham)
Woman goes to a psychiatrist convinced her house is made of celery. Psychiatrist tells her he's seen this sort of thing before ... it's called stalk home syndrome.
I used to work in a grocery store I quit when I found out the guys in produce were making twice my celery.