Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.
My friend went on holiday to Havana...
...and asked me what gift I would like him to get for me. I said get me "something Cuban", but he got me a Che Guevara t shirt.
Clothes, but no cigar.
I asked my parents for something Cuban. They got me a Che Guevara t-shirt. Clothes, but no cigar
Cuban
I asked my grandmother for "something Cuban" for my birthday, and she had got me a Che Guevara shirt.
Clothes, but no cigar.
A chicken and an egg are laying in bed... When the chicken sits up, lights a cigar and says " Well I guess that answers that question."
Came second place in a Fidel Castro lookalike competition. Close, but no cigar.
I came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition. Close, but no cigar.
What's the difference between a Dominican and a Cuban? Dominicans are close, but no cigar
Does Hilary's scandal compare to Bill's? I'd say it's close, but no cigar.
Can a cigar box? No, but a tin can.
What did the cheap cigar say to the bag of weed? May I be blunt with you?
I recently came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike contest. So close but no cigar.
A dog with a cowboy hat, spurs and a cigar limps in through the swinging doors of a saloon... ...He says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"
Goodwill has announced they will no longer accept donations of vape or tobacco products Clothes, but no cigar.
I came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition It was close, but no cigar.
American nuclear response time is around four minutes. But eight minutes if you are using a cigar on a naked intern.
I just came second in a Fidel Castro lookalike contest. Judge said I was close, but no cigar.
Police nearly apprehended a drug dealer selling cocaine in a tobacco store. They were close, but no cigar.
My mate came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition He was close, but no cigar.
Hillary was asked if Weinstein's behavior compared to that of her husband's. She said "Close, but no cigar."
Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby are chatting...
Cosby: Have you ever had a cigar dipped in brandy?
Clinton: No, but I once had a cigar dipped in Monica.
Cosby: Now, why didn't I think of that...
"I have 14 children, Groucho"
Woman: “I have 14 children, Groucho”.
Groucho: “You have 14 children? Why do you have so many kids?”
Woman: “Because I love my husband”.
Groucho: “I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth every once in a while.”
I assassinated my friend...
I gave Miguel a cigar and lit the end. When it began to fizzle, he looked at me, puzzled.
"What brand of cigar does this?" he asked.
I answered, "Red Herring, of course."
And his chair exploded.
So Trump walks into a bar... and sees Bill having a drink. "Hey Bill catch me in the news lately? I'm a bigger pervert than you!" Bill chuckles as he goes back to his drink. "Close, but no cigar."
Is Donald Trump sleazier than Bill Clinton? Close, but no cigar.
If the opposite of bachelor is bachelorette, what's the opposite of cigar? Living to see your grandchildren.
My buddy took some amazing pictures of himself with a cigar, hanging out in a funhouse. When I asked him how he did it, he said "It's all Smoke and Mirrors".
I robbed a convenience store today, only to find out I accidentally grabbed the cigarillos instead i was close, but no cigar
As told to me by my dad who smokes a lot Did the disappointed smoker get everything he wanted for Christmas? Clothes but no cigar.
Is President Trump as big of a pervert as President Clinton? Close but no cigar.
I came second in a Wonston Churchill look alike contest. Close but no cigar.