Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
Mike goes to a law consultant.
He asks: So how much do you charge per question?
Consultant: 150€.
Mike: Isn't it too expensive?
Consultant: Yes it is. So whats your third question?.
What's the difference between a thief and a consultant. A thief will steal your money and leave. But a consultant will steal your money and try to help you find it.
My wife was recently submitted to hospital with chest pains.
The consultant said, "Mr Smith, your wife has acute angina"
I said, "Yes I know that, but how's her heart ?"
Who's the coolest doctor in the office? The hip consultant.
When you spend 3 hours in line at Jenny Craig to see a weight loss consultant . . . You over wait.
What did the management consultant think of his job? It was the Bain of his existence.
Yo mama.. is so old that Steven Spielberg used her as a dinosaur consultant in Jurassic Park
A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter’s strange eating habits.
Mom: “All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?”
Consultant: “Eventually,” said the consultant, “she will rise and shine.”
Why did Iran hire Stormy Daniels as a consultant? To gain intel on Donald Trumps “Pull Out” techniques.
The definition of a consultant is.. ..someone who can tell you on your watch what time it is
I am an independent consultant who pressure tests robustness of web designers. Said my friend, to impress the most attractive girl at the bar. He works in Pest Management.
Vacancy
A lady HR consultant calls up a candidate..
Lady : Good afternoon Sir, I have 2 openings for you.
candidate : Yes, I know that. ..
There's a silence for few seconds...
Lady : you *******.#^@&×¥#.. and she bangs the phone down!
GDPR in a nutshell:
'Does anyone know a good GDPR consultant?'
'I do.'
'Can you forward me their details?'
'No.'
Did you hear about the canine marriage consultant? He gets paid $80 an hour to say “that’s ruff”
DC Electricity is a great consultant It’s always either positive or negative