A man gets home and sees his wife pleasuring herself with a cucumber "What are you doing?" he shouts, "I have to eat that later, and I don't want it tasting like cucumber!"
Roses are 6, yellow is a number I’m having a stroke, call a cucumber
A dad walks into his daughter's room and saw her fapping with a cucumber, he said: Hey! I was going to eat that, now it's going to taste like cucumber!
So a guy walks in on his daughter masterbating with a cucumber.
"SICK!" he said.
"I was going to eat that.... Now it's going to taste like cucumber."
Why did the cucumber blush? It saw the salad dressing
What's the difference between a good meal and a good time? Well, it depends on where you put the cucumber.
What makes a cucumber turn into a pickle? A jarring experience
I wanted something from my colleague so I asked him - “How busy are you today?” He replied “As busy as a cucumber in a women’s prison”!
Vegetables
What did the cucumber say to the cabbage when they got kidnapped by the tomato?
Lettuce go
Whenever I see a commercial with a woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with 2 round slices of cucumber on her eyes ... I wonder where the rest of the cucumber is.
Three girls sit at a bar bragging about how loose they are. The first says she can fit a sausage. The second says a cucumber. The third starts to slide down the bar stool
A beetle was happily eating a cucumber, but then the cucumber suddenly was immersed in vinegar As the beetle started to burn it thought, *"Uh oh, now I'm really in a pickle."*
I fell in love with a cucumber farmer.
We had many good years together but then, as these things do, it turned sour.
Long story short: I'm in a bit of a pickle.
A farmer gave me some good advice He told me the difference between a good meal and a good time is where you put the cucumber.
So a horse walks into a bar..
and a duck walks into a bar
and a buffalo walks into a bar
and a cucumber walks into a bar
and a tomato walks into a bar...
and the bartender says "Alright, what is this? Some kind of joke?"
So there's this mollusk And he walks up to the sea cucumber and he says, "With knees like these, who needs anemones!"
A man sees his wife taking a...... cucumber from the fridge. Being the gentleman that he is he offers to slice it up for her. She turns to him with a look of disgust on her face and says, 'what do you think I am, a slot machine?'
Why did the cucumber blush? He saw the salad dressing.
What's the definition of suspicion? Nun doing press ups in a cucumber field.
Proud father... I'm really proud of my daughter. She's taken her new vegetable diet very well. Just last night I found a cucumber in her room.
A cucumber made a deal with the devil.
He is quite in a pickle now.
Source: Stole it.
James and giant peach should have been serialized into a number of films.
Dave and the giant strawberry.
John and the giant cantelope.
Your mom and the giant cucumber.
Old, but gold
A woman goes to the market.
She says to the greengrocer: "I would like to purchase a cucumber"
The vendor answers: "Buy two, so you can eat one"
A cucumber made a dill with the devil. He's in quite a pickle now.
What did the halal lettuce say to the halal cucumber ? Lets make salat
What's lamer than a lemon but cooler than a cucumber? A radish.
3 women are sat at a bar
They're having a conversation about how loose they are
The first says "I could fit a sausage up mine"
The second says "Only a sausage? I could fit a cucumber up there"
The third slides down the bar stool
A woman goes up to an employee at a garden shop.
“How much for this goth cucumber” she asks,
“Ma’am that’s a catcus”
A bad metaphor is like a cucumber with a parachute.
Uh, hi. Yeah, I'll have a six-inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki on Honey Oat, please. No, thanks, no double meat or cheese. Yeah, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, banana peppers, and..." *checks phone* Oh, shoot. Wrong sub.
A main goes to the supermarket He gets one bread, one milk, one cucumber and on tomato, the cashier says: "you're single right?" the man responds: "yeah, how did you know? " the cashier: "you're ugly"
Three girls were in a bar Three girls were in a bar talking a bout how loose they were, the first could fit a cucumber, the second a squash and the third slid down the bar stool
A cucumber walks into a bar
A cucumber walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "you got any ID?"
The cucumber hands him his license.
The bartender looks at the picture and goes, "nice try but this is obviously a pickle."
Did you hear about the ant that fell asleep in a cucumber? When he woke up he was in a pickle
Spiderman was sucking off a cucumber Guess you could say he was green goblin
The difference between a cucumber and pickles... Is jarring
3 Women in a bar talking about how loose they are. One fits a banana,the second one an cucumber and the third one slides down the bar stool.
The only difference between a good meal and a good time... is where you put the cucumber.