Courtesy of my 5 year old: Why did Dracula take cold medicine? To stop his coffin.
In 1466, Dracula started eating 16-year-old virgins. In 2015, he died of starvation.
Dracula decided it was time to give his son "the talk"
Dracula: You see, when two monsters love each other very much, they-
Son: They do the mash
Dracula: *nodding* They do the monster mash
I think there are nine vampires coming to my dinner party. Oh, wait... I forgot to Count Dracula.
I work in a factory that makes Dracula figurines. However, there are only 2 employees so I have to make every second count.
What subject did Dracula major in during college?
AcCOUNTing
This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.
Dracula walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water.
The bartender (confused): What's the Hotwater for?
Dracula *pulls out a tampon*: I'm having tea.
I was trying to remember all the vampires I know. But I forgot to Count Dracula.
What do you call Dracula's retarded cousin?
Countdown
This was a joke I heard on TV some time ago ... Thought it was worth a share.
Where does Dracula buy his pencils? Pennsylvania.
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line. I have to make every second Count.
My friend asked me if I wanted to watch Countdown with them "What's that?", I replied, "Dracula's retarded brother?"
What do Dracula’s girlfriend and a boxer have in common? They both go down for the Count
what do a washed up boxer and dracula's girlfriend have in common? they both go down for the count
Two nuns are driving down the road when Dracula jumps out. "Quickly," says the first, "show him your cross". The other winds down the window and leans out and yells, "Get out of the road you jerk!"
Vampires aren't even a real thing. Unless you Count Dracula
My brother and I started a business manufacturing Dracula toys I have to make every second Count
Are monsters good at math? No, unless you Count Dracula
What happened when Dracula uploaded illegal content to YouTube? A count suspended.
What is Dracula's favorite pick-up line? Hey baby, nice jugulars.
Why did the doctor suspect Dracula may have a breathing problem? Because of his coffin.
Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
What did Dracula say to the teacher? See you next period.
What's the difference between Dracula and a government worker? Dracula does more work during the day
Count Dracula returned a mirror to my shop yesterday He said it wasn't faulty, he just couldn't see himself using it.
How many monsters can do basic math? All of them, unless you count Dracula
What do Dracula's girlfriend and Mike Tyson have in common? They both go down for the count!!
What does Dracula's torch run on? *Bat-teries* now give me my five karma
What did Trump say when Dracula ran away with his things? STOP THE COUNT!
DRACULA VISITS HIS THERAPIST....
THE THERAPIST ASKS... "HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF?"
DRACULA SAYS... "I DON'T."
What did Dracula name his new boat? The Blood Vessel
I recently visited Dracula's castle... I should've went before the sun came up to meet him.
I’ve spent the day re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house. I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.
What did Dracula say to a girl? See you next month!
I've got a job making plastic Dracula figures but there's only two of us on the production line. So I have to make every second Count...
Yo mama Yo mama so fat, Dracula sucked her blood and got diabetes!
What is the question that has perplexed eastern european historians? Did Vlad Dracula remove kebab, or impale them?
Why did dracula order a steak ? Because he wanted to die
Quite a few facepalms for this... (X-post /r/dadjokes)
An old friend called late last night and asked if I wanted to go to Transylvania and hunt Dracula!
I had to tell him I was already out for the Count.