Financial Jokes

What do you call a sugar daddy with HIV? Financial AIDS

Score: 177

I'm not one to brag about my financial skills, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.

~ Rob DenBleyker (Cyanide & Happiness)

Score: 96
Funny Financial Jokes
Score: 69

I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone... He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.

First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!

Score: 57

I don't mean to brag about my financial skills but, my bank calls me almost everyday to tell me my debt is outstanding

Score: 52

I’m normally not one to brag about my financial skills But my credit card company calls me almost everyday to inform me my balance is outstanding!

Score: 47

Yale educated The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.


"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.


"Yale," replied the lad.


"And what's your name?" barked the manager.


"Yim Yohnston," he replied.

Score: 44

My financial situation is so bad... ...I'm being sponsored by a child in Africa.

Score: 41

I'll have you know I'm in a great financial situation. Even my credit card company says my balance is outstanding!

Score: 27

Three little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped its head, mama called the doctor and the doctor said, "If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mesothelioma you may be entitled to financial compensation."

Score: 22

When my friend asked me why I have a “Trump 2020” sticker on my car, I tell them it’s for financial reasons. The cops never pull me over, because they assume that I’m white.

Score: 19

Nerdy financial humor. You have been warned. I started showing more interest in one of my investments.

It appreciated it.

Score: 17

What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition? Financial Ayyyyyyd

I'll^see^myself^out

Score: 14

I slept with a bank manager and got financial aids

Score: 14

My financial adviser said I should be tight with my money. So when I got home I high-fived my wallet.

Score: 13

After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

Score: 12

Financial adviser meeting FINANCIAL ADVISOR: What's your net worth?

FISHERMAN: Which one?

Score: 10

What's pink and hard? The Financial Times crossword puzzle

Score: 8

Oooooo Eeeeee Oooooo Ahhh Ahhh Ting Tang... I was shocked when my adopted daughter told me she was going to marry a Witch Doctor.

“Why do you want to do that?” I asked.

“Pwobabwy for financial secuwity,” she replied.

Score: 8

Wikileaks has been experiencing financial difficulties recently. Would it help if they began running... classified ads?

Score: 7

When life gives you financial troubles... Make Financialade.

Score: 7

I'm so happy that my financial situation has finally improved. I just found out the African boy I've been sponsoring has been eaten by a lion.

Score: 7

Financial Management A Man found 100$, He went to a 5 star hotel for Dinner there. His bill was 300$.When He said that He has only 100$, then Manager handed Him to Police. He gave 100$ to Police and went free.
Its Called Financial Management.!!

Score: 6

A monastery is in financial trouble, so it goes into the fish-and-chips business to raise money. One night a customer knocks on its door. A monk answers. The customer asks, “Are you the fish friar?”

“No,” he replies. “I’m the chip monk.”

Score: 6

What doesn’t kill you May entitle you to financial compensation

Score: 6

Got some good financial news today Small African boy I was sponsoring got eaten by a lion

Score: 6

Days after a massive F5 tornado hits Mississippi.. ...financial experts estimate it did over 50 million dollars worth of good.

Score: 5

Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues. They're the account ants

Score: 5

The five senses have had massive lay-offs in their financial department. There's no accounting for taste.

Score: 5

Guess who my financial advisor is going to be for halloween. PENNY-WISE

Score: 5

A man walks into a bank to see his financial advisor. He sits down and says:

"I want to close my savings account."

"We're very sorry to hear that," says the advisor, "why is that?"

The man replies: "I've lost interest."

Score: 4

What do you get if you cross a financial adviser with a Richard Curtis movie? Love Actuary.

Score: 4

I’ve invented a machine that sprays ketchup over large groups of people but I need financial investment to get the business up and running. I will be crowd saucing.

Score: 3

Being in an interview and being a financial advisor are the same thing. At first you need to convince them you can make them money and then you try to take it all!

Let me know if it's a repost I feel very clever now!

Score: 1

I’m going to pay off all of the student loans of college graduates graduating next year... ...in hopes they don’t learn the responsibilities of financial management. Also, apply for my new 48% APR credit card I am offering at the start of January!

Score: 1

Just got some good news from my financial planner ...she told me I'd only have to keep working 3 years after I die to afford my retirement.

Score: 1

A hacker locked a bank's financial information down and demanded payment to decrypt them. Police tried to catch him but he ransomeware.

Score: 1

I hired a promiscuous woman for my financial department. She didn't have the qualifications but... ... it's the thot that accounts.

Score: 0

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