Flower Jokes

Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Emma gives Mary 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Sam gives Mary 2 stuffed animals and 1 flower. What does Mary have?

Cancer. Mary has cancer.

Score: 446

A father was sitting at the table with his two daughters Petal and Fridge.

Petal said, "Dad, why is my name Petal?"

Her dad answered, "Because a flower petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born."

Then Fridge said, "HUURRGRRUWAHGUWAAAAAH!"

Score: 221

There were two sisters There were two sisters named Petal and Fridge.

One day Petal was curious and asked her father, "Why was I named Petal?"

His response was, "Well, when you were a baby a flower petal fell on you."

Then Fridge says, "BLARGHHHALHGLAHG".

Score: 183
Funny Flower Jokes
Score: 153

Cop: we got a call that you had pot in your car Me: *pulls out flower pot* Oh you mean this?

Cop: *laughing* my mistake, what are ya growing

Me: pot

Score: 51

How do you call a flower on steroids? A power plant.

Score: 42

What's a flower plus a t-Rex? A squished flower!

(An original from my 5 year old)

Score: 41

If Aprils showers bring May flowers, what does the May flower bring? Genocide and smallpox.

Score: 39

I was confused when I saw that my friend's flower bed was alive and blooming. "Didn't your poppies die last week?" I asked. "They're not poppies" he said, "They're rein-carnations".

Score: 34

My wife asked me what her favorite type of flower was. Apparently "All-Purpose" wasn't the correct answer.

Score: 23

Dandelions are like the homeless people of the flower world. Give them a little crack and a bit of water and they can thrive anywhere.

Score: 22

Kim Kardashin flour bombing incident Police called off the search for the person who flower bombed Kim Kardashin.

They learned it was just Lindsey Lohan sneezing

Score: 20

What do you call a flower that is also a spy? A plant

Score: 20

What do you call a flower on steroids? a power plant

Score: 17

What's the best flower for a boy to give for Mother's day? Son-flowers of course!

Score: 17

A guy walks into a flower shop He buys beautiful, red flowers. As he's paying for them, the cashier winks at him and says "I hope these get you laid tonight".




The guy says "I hope not ... they're for my mom"

Score: 16

Did you hear about the 80 year old man who ran naked through the flower show? ...he won first place for a dried arrangement!

Score: 14

As I arrived at work this morning, I saw a flower delivery truck parked outside my building, and a guy was frantically taking flowers from the truck to inside and was in an obvious hurry, so I encouraged him by shouting... "Run, florist, run!"

Score: 11

What do you call a flower that loves little flowers A Petalfile

Score: 11

What type of flower grows in the surface of the sun? An Ultra-Violet

Score: 11

Did your dad jerk off into a flower pot? Because you're a blooming idiot!

Score: 10

A man enters a flower shop... and says..."I'd like some flowers please."

"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"

He shrugs, "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."

"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"

Score: 10

A man goes into a flower shop He looks around for a while, but can only see petals and leaves.

So he asks the woman at the till, "Can you actually sell me any complete flowers today?"

"No" she says, "we're out of stalk."

Score: 10

Why did the flower with no smell confuse people? Because it didn't make any scents!!


.


.

.

.

Get it..scents sounds like sense...sort of..so it's funny because the.. okay I'm sorry I'll just see myself out.

Score: 9

What do you call it when you accidentally drop a flower? An oopsy daisy.

Score: 9

Dad joke: what would happen if everyone in a country drove a pink automobile? We would have a pink car nation.

(Like the flower..... ok I’ll see myself out...)

Score: 9

Dog Poem I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.

Score: 8

Why do flower beds have mulch? So you can't see their underplants.

Score: 7

I went to a flower shop on my way to the hospice and asked for a dozen roses... "I'm sorry sir, " said the florist, "I only have some with a couple of days life left in them. "

"No problem, " I replied, "that's more than enough. "

Score: 7

Guy comes home with a flower bouquet... "Guess I'll have to spread my legs now", says the wife.

"Why? Don't you have a vase?" the husband replies.

Score: 5

A flower shop burst into flame... It was a florist fire.

Score: 5

What does a flower watch when it is home alone? Pollination videos.

Score: 4

If you don't know how to answer a question on a flower biology test... You can always guess the anther

Score: 4

What is the flower that is located between your nose and chin? Two Lips

Score: 3

What is the difference between a vegan on a diet and a flower child? One's a very thin person, and the other is a little hippy.

Score: 3

What can a happy lion and a flower have in common? They can both be dandy.

Score: 3

A husband and wife go and watch a stand up comedian At one point he's going on about how you should know all the small things about your wife. "Do you even know what your wifes favourite flower is?"

The husband leans over and says "Is it self-rasing flour"?

Score: 2

What is the favourite flower of a chemist? A dandel-ion

Score: 1

What is the National Flower of Summer? The orange traffic coneflower.

Score: 1

What is a narcissists favourite flower? Self-raising

Score: 1

Popular Topics