George Washington: "I cannot tell a lie!"; Richard Nixon: "I cannot tell the truth!"; Donald Trump: ... "I cannot tell the difference!"
Little Johnny's teacher asks
"George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe!"
What would George Washington say if he were alive today? LET ME OUT OF THIS #\*@&\^% BOX!!
What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.
People used to think George Washington was antisocial. But he just wasn't a party person.
What would George Washington say if you told him that in 2017 it's now possible to eat breakfast in Tokyo, lunch in Paris, and dinner in Chicago? "WTF is Chicago?"
What's the difference between a duck and George Washington? One has a bill on their face and the other has their face on a bill.
If George Washington were alive today... he'd be clawing at the inside of his coffin and screaming incoherently.
George Washington and the Silver Dollar According to legend, George Washington once threw a silver dollar across the Patomac River. You can't do this today because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.
If George Washington was alive today, he’d probably say “Why am I in a coffin?”
George Washington wasn't arrogant, but he did predict the $1 bill would contain his likeness. In that regard, he was on the money.
Did you know George Washington is not on the 1$ bill? It's just a picture of him.
New leaks reveal that George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree it was actually brought down by Russian hackers
What would George Washington do if he were alive right now? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.
If George Washington were alive today, what would he be famous for? Old age!
Funny comeback from a student
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
What did Congress say to George Washington with bad breath after he said: "I need some money"? You need a mint
Chris Christie just entered the race! He's gonna shut down Trump like the George Washington Bridge :-D
Why did George Washington leave office after his second term. He wanted to set a president.
What did George Washington say to his men just before they got in the boat? "Men, get in the boat!"
What's George Washington's favorite song. Doesn't matter, just as long as it's royalty-free.
What’s the difference between the guy on this hundred dollar bill and George Washington? George Washington isn’t currently covered in cocaine
What do George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln have in common? They were the last three white guys with those last names.
Where did George Washington keep his Armies? In his sleevies.
I have an axe that was once owned by George Washington. My great-great grandfather had to replace the handle. And my grandfather had to replace the blade, but it's Washington's axe.
A history question about some lesser known figures. Who was George Washington Carver? The guy who cut up George Washington.
Why can't George Washington ever tell a lie? Because he's dead.
I had lunch with George Washington last night Actually we had dinner
What did George Washington say to his men on March 3rd Tomorrow we march forth
If George Washington Carver became a teacher, what would his nickname be? The Nutty Professor
What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream, and scratch at the lid of his coffin.
Where did George Washington keep his armies? In his sleeveies
What war-dance did George Washington perform after becoming incontinent? (Not gross) The War of In-Depends Dance.
So a recent study about fast food marketing showed that more kids aged 6 to 11 knew and recognized Ronald McDonald than George Washington. I wasn’t shocked of course because George Washington isn’t that satisfying to jack off to.
I once imagined how a conversation between George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson and me would go. Then I remember I'm brown.
George's pound of laundry
Didnt get done
For two thousand days
Now George Washington
My opinion of George Washington has been forever changed. I just learned that he was once considered the worst and most corrupt president ever