Not everyone can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut... But then again, not everyone cuts their own hair.
My girlfriend once used Vaseline when she gave me a handjob . . I came four or five times trying to wash it off.
I tried to get a handjob from a blind girl last night.
After a few tries, I got it into her hand.
She said: “Sorry I don’t smoke.”
Guy goes into a deli
He looks over the menu:
Ham sandwich: $5
Roast beef sandwich: $7.50
Handjob: $250
He looks at the hot blonde behind the counter and says, "who gives the handjob?"
"I do!" She says with a smile!
"Well, wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich"
What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist? A stroke of genius.
What do you call Albert Einstein giving a handjob? A stroke of genius.
Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays. Then again, very few people cut their own hair.
Someone gave a handjob to Albert Einstein... What a stroke of genius!
I've been dating a muslim girl. She gave me a handjob yesterday but it was a bit rough so I've nicknamed her... ...the terror wrist.
A priest is walking down the street...
And a hooker shouts and says, "$20 for a handjob!", but the priest keeps walking.
Later that day, the priest asks a nun "what is a handjob?"
The nun replies, "$20, same as in town"
My grandma recently claimed she once gave a handjob to Albert Einstein.. What a stroke of genius.
I told my girlfriend to give me the worst handjob ever. I was surprised she could pull it off.
a man was in his car when he spotted a prostitute, he asked her the cost of a handjob, she replied, "10$, wanna get one?" He said, "Nah, I just wanted to know how much I save if I do it myself."
A couple in an old people’s home we’re having an argument, Margaret found out Egbert had been cheating. Egbert did love a handjob.
Margaret said to Egbert ‘What does Dorothy have that I don’t?
Egbert replied ‘Parkinsons’.
What happened when Stephen Hawking's wife gave him a handjob? She had a stroke of genius.
TIL that the term "A stroke of luck" has more than one meaning- -when my fortune teller gave me a handjob.
My friends said I couldn't give a leper a handjob ...but I managed to pull it off!
Did you hear about the man who won the World Handjob Championships? It was close, but he managed to beat off some stiff competition
What do you call an award given for an unexpected handjob? A Pull-it Surprise.
What does a cow call a handjob? A beef jerkie
Today at work, at my desk, my boss offered me a handjob... It's okay though, I'm self employed.
What do you call it when a leprechaun gets a free handjob? A stroke of good luck
Did you hear about the prostitute that gave a handjob to a guy with leprosy? When she was done he said "thanks, keep the tip"
Guy walks passed a bar with a sign "$5 sandwiches, $20 handjob"
..and then walks inside. He walks up to the bar and see's a smoking female hot bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes"
"Okay good, wash your hands and make me a sandwich".
What do you get when you divide 69 by 2? A lonely man's handjob.
What did the frog say to his girlfriend while she was giving him a handjob? Rubbit, Rubbit!
Not many people can brag about getting a handjob from the barber after a haircut
but then again not many people cut their own hair.
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Ba dum tiss.
I got an icy handjob from Elsa last week But three seconds in I was screaming “Let it go! Let it go!!”
My wife started crying when I asked her for a handjob Guess its really insensitive to ask an amputee that.
What do you call an awful Halloween night handjob? The Monster Mash
3 guys in camping in one tent The guy on the left dreamed a beautiful blond was giving him a handjob. The guy on the right dreamed a georgous redhead was giving him a handjob. The guy in the middle dreamt he was skiing.
Special olympics and a handjob is very similar. You really appreciate the effort, but you know you could do better.
So there's this blind girl giving a guy a handjob at a party...
She says "wow! This is by far the biggest I've ever felt!"
The guy says "ah, you're pulling my leg."
Have you ever traded catnip for a handjob? It's clawful!
Got a free haircut and handjob from my barber today. Gotta love cutting your own hair.
What did the Cheerios bees girlfriend say when he was taking too long during a handjob? Honey nut
How can a girl make a handjob better? Use her mouth
My first handjob i came straight away You could say it was pretty touch and go