Herpes Jokes

Corona isn't Trump's fault, Ebola wasn't Obama's, Sars wasn't Bush's And only a handful of Herpes cases was Clinton's

Score: 104

Guy takes a hooker out for supper. He giver her his peas, she gives him herpes.

Score: 65
Funny Herpes Jokes
Score: 45

My girlfriend has herpes Now it's ourpes...

Score: 37

What's meaner than a pitbull with herpes? The guy who gave it to the pitbull.

Score: 25

I'm dressing up as a (dead) hooker for Halloween...what are some lines you NEVER want to hear a hooker say? For example, "I just need to put some ointment on my herpes, and then we are good to go."

I know, I'm terrible at this! Please help!

Score: 15

My Dad's Joke How do you get herpes of the eye ball?


Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Score: 15

What's the difference between herpes and friends? I don't have any friends.

Score: 11

I'm going to create a dating Website for people with incurable STD's to find each other. It will be named 2 Herpes in a Pod

Score: 11

Guy takes a gal to his place for dinner the other day... ...he gives her his peas and she gives him herpes

Score: 11

A guy invites a hooker in for dinner... He gave her his peas, then she gave him herpes.

Score: 11

Florida man contracts herpes while checking his birthday prostitute's mouth for sores As meemum used to say, "you shouldn't look gift whores in the mouth"

Score: 10

A man is at confessions and says “forgive me father, for I have sinned.” “I gave my child genital herpes.”

The priest makes a horrified sound, then says “that was your kid?!”

Score: 10

This one made me really Happy. What starts with 'H', ends with 'S' and grows the more you spread it? Herpes.

Score: 9

My eyes have been bugging me recently, so I went to the doctor. He told me I have ocular herpes. Apparently I've been looking for love in all the wrong places.

Score: 8

What's the difference between a herpes and jacuzzi? i let women know that i have a jacuzzi

Score: 8

My woman's always trying to give me stuff she gets from work. I tell her I've already got herpes.

Score: 8

Why don't people like talking about herpes? It's a sore subject.

Score: 8

I think I finally understand these dating apps They all include they want something serious and long-term, so I went on a date last week, and gave her herpes.

Score: 8

I was devastated when my wife left me, but she gave me a gift that I'll always carry with me... Herpes.

Score: 8

Herpes had to originate from a female. Otherwise it would be called, hispes

Score: 7

I just got genital herpes... ...that'll be the last time I play catch with my dad.

Score: 6

I can't mention STDs around my friend who has herpes It's a sore spot

Score: 6

Why doesn’t John want herpes? Because he has his own peas.

Score: 6

For the lady who was interested in the STD vaccine, we have it. May she speak now or forever hold herpes

Score: 6

A man takes his girl out to dinner He gives her his peas and she gives him herpes.

Score: 6

What kind of pictures does Shaun Connery take? Shelfies


alt. What kind of pictures do fish take?


Shellfies

alt. What do hermit crabs call their utility bills?


Shell Fees


alt. Why did my wife leave me?


Herpes

Score: 5

My test results for Herpes came in the mail today. Finally, some positive news!

Score: 5

A guy takes a girl out to dinner. She finishes her food and is still hungry. So he gives her his peas. After dinner, she gives him herpes.

Score: 5

What do you call a female Dinosaur with herpes? A Gina-sore.
I am drunk and watching Jurassic Park. Forgive me if this had been thought of before, I assume it had but it made us laugh a lot. Have a great night!

Score: 5

What do a Bernie Sanders supporter, a Cross-Fitter, and a person with Herpes have in common? They all "Feel The Burn!"

Score: 4

What's the difference between herpes and love? Herpes lasts forever.

Happy Valentine's y'all!

Score: 4

1 in 3 people get cold sores. That's a lot of people. You can tell it's a lot of people because the term "cold sore" caught on. If 1 in 10 people got them, 9 in 10 people would say "Cold sore? Ohhhhhh you mean your mouth herpes".

Score: 2

What's the difference between fathers and herpes? Herpes always comes back.

Score: 2

“Which of the following does not belong in this list: herpes, gonorrhea, or a condominium in Cleveland?” “The condo, obviously.”

“Nope, gonorrhea. It’s the only one you can get rid of.”

Score: 2

Disclaimer warned about herpes of the eye I said to my friend "Herpes of the eye?! They are doing it wrong."
Friend says "She had to see it coming."

Score: 1

The best name to give a dog is Herpes If she's good, she'll heel.

Score: 1

What do you call a T-Rex with Herpes? A Vaginasore

Score: 1

What do you call a bird with herpes? Chirpees

Score: 1

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