A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar Walked into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.
Julius Caesar: ”Brutus, that’s a very nice dagger, is it new?” Brutus: “Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe’s.”
What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?
Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered."
Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."
Why was Julius Caesar's phone bill so high? Because he was Roman.
The killing of Julius Caesar is a perfect example of group project. 60 dudes agreed to kill Caesar But there were only 23 stab wounds
What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity? Veni, Vidi... Veni.
What did Julius Caesar say after he made love to his wife Veni
Julius Caesar and Brutus Walk Into a Movie Theater
Brutus looks at Caesar and says "Caesar, we should watch the movie sequel with the scary clown in it!"
Caesar ponders what Brutus is saying for a moment. "It Two, Brute?"
What were Julius Caesar's dying words? name... a salad.... after me...ahhh
Sometimes I envy Julius Caesar... He died surrounded by all of his friends.
Last Halloween i dressed up as Julius Caesar, and my friends ditched me Talk about getting stabbed in the back
Julius Caesar goes into a bar...
... and asks for a martinus. Puzzled, the bartender asks,
"Do you mean a martini?"
"No. Just one, please."
Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics? All that backstabbing was too much for him.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome? He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
The difference between Julius Caesar and a Rapist? Caesar came, saw, and conquered, a rapist saw, conquered and came.
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
A sperm donor, a witness, and Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.
According to history, Julius Caesar was so religious... ...that he died a holy man.
A sperm donor, carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.
The assassination of Julius Caesar
Caesar was famously killed on the Ides of March, but he wasn't expecting the attack until August 2. His final words embodied his dismay over the scheduling confusion:
"8/2, Brute..."
Julius Caesar walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and... says to the bartender *I'll have 5 beers, please*
Julius Caesar bought a Google GPS and said, 'Youtube, route us'.
Gaius Julius Caesar walks into a baguette shop. The owner stops him at the door and says: "I cannot believe you have the Gaul to just strut in here like that!"
What did Julius Caesar exclaim after years of impotency? “Veni! Veni! Veni!”
Gaius Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered Gayus Julius Caesar: I saw, I conquered, I came
Julius Caesar and Brutus are having a conversation
Brutus asks: “How many apples did you eat last night?”
Julius responds: “Et two, Brute.”
I discovered that Julius Caesar was so religious... that he died a holy man.
Did you know that Julius Caesar’s last words were “Et tu Brute”... Which roughly translates to “name a salad after me”
After the attack, Julius Caesar woke from a coma hooked up to a 4
What did a bored Julius Caesar ask his friend? It 2, Brute?