The worst part about online dating is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.
I’ve spent a month lifting and I still haven’t gotten stronger I guess it’s not working out
I just set my new dead lifting record. 3 corpses.
I try working out by lifting dictionaries... I've been told that's how you get definition.
Why was the kleptomaniac clown visiting the liquor store? He was lifting their spirits
Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach?
Arnold Schwarzeneighbor
(OC)
Hello, Im here to subscribe to the gym
+Hello, I'm here to subscribe to the gym
-Are you here because of a New Year Resolution?
+Yes
-We have a one day plan, it includes 4 selfies in the weight lifting area
+Perfect
What do you call a row of people lifting mozzarella?
##
A cheesy pick up line.
Does heavy lifting make you dumb?
Yes
Cause counting to 10 has never been this hard before
What's a mortician's favorite workout? Dead lifting.
Yo mama Yo mama so fat, she went to a weight lifting competition and won 1st place for standing up
Why was the weight lifter upset after lifting a case of Coke? It was just soda pressing.
After progressively lifting heavier weights, I was finally able to squat 600 pounds. Unfortunately, all that money still weighs less than a kilo.
Went to the gym today and cheered everyone on for an hour. On the way out the trainer stopped me...
Confused he asked me what I was doing at the gym. So I told him exactly what I was doing:
"Lifting Spirits"
I had to stop lifting balloons as a form of exercise. It wasn't really working out.
Why did the diabetic win the weight lifting competition? Because he was so good at pumping.
If I ever go to prison, I'm going to start lifting weights So I can be the powerhouse of the cell
A karate instructor was arrested after leaving the store He was charged with chop lifting
Thank you for calling... ... the predatory animal lifting agency, we’ll be with you in a minute. Please hold the lion.
Leg bite
me: \[googling\] what do I do - leg bleeding raccoon bite
google: elevate and apply pressure
me: \[lifting raccoon real high\] apologize or else !
A couple of brave ladies are taking the first all female space walk this week It's a major stride forward in terms of gender equality in the workplace and it also gives them an opportunity to show that women can do some heavy lifting.
When it comes to choosing between weight lifting or cardio workouts, I always choose cardio. Cause it helps me in the long run ;)
Stephen Hawking is an inspiration He's earned millions in the past 10 years without lifting a finger.
Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights? Because he was soda-pressing
My lifting buddy was shocked when I told him that we were out of protein powder.
He said "No whey!"
I'll be here all night.
If you see results after exercising and lifting weights does that mean it’s... ...working out?
What is Trump's favorite workout? Lifting restrictions.
A guy tried lifting 40 pound dumbbells
"This is too much." He decided.
He spent his money on cheaper dumbbells
I just won a dead lifting competition between a few friends. I was ecstatic but the graveyard keeper wasn't very happy.
Shoplifters
I was at Target yesterday and LP caught some man lifting a calendar..
..he got 12 months.