The Most Hipster Job Of All Time Is... Being a Mortician. Morticians are so hipster that their work doesn't get more popular; instead it just goes further underground.
I tried a deadlift for the first time last week... The mortician sternly asked me to leave the morgue.
Necrophilia joke
How can you tell a mortician is a necrophiliac?
He's always HARD at work.
Why’d the mortician get fired? For sleeping around the office
An old woman is upset at her husband's funeral . . .
"You have him in a blue suit, and I wanted him in a brown suit," she cried.
The mortician says, "We'll take care of it ma'am," and yells to the back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"
A man walks into a funeral home...
He asks the mortician if he's had much business lately.
"Not really..." the mortician says, "It's been pretty dead around here".
What's a mortician's favorite workout? Dead lifting.
It's gotta be nice being a mortician... People are always dying to meet you.
I thought about being a mortician
On one hand people are dying to get into that field
but i hear its dead end job
A mortician died in a small town He showed up to work late
I once dated a mortician...
it didn't work out because I'm not that much of a mourning person.
Though she was a real head-turner.
What did the mortician say to his new necrophiliac employee? Don't worry, you'll fit right in.
What's a mortician's least favorite day on the job? Bring Your Kid to Work Day
My dad is a mortician I hear people are dying to get into that field
Why did the mortician cross the road? To get to the other suicide
What's a mortician's favorite drink? A morgue-arita.
What happened when the mortician dropped the coffin?
He made a grave mistake.
Heheheh....... sorry
Did you hear about the narcoleptic, necrophiliac mortician? He fell asleep in the job.
What's the similarity between an alcoholic and a mortician? Both can't wait to crack open a cold one.
Richard ‘Old Man’ Harrison just passed away
Mortician: it’s going to cost you $10,000 to put him in a casket.
Rick: best I can do is $100 cause it’s just going to sit there and collect dust.
What Comes After Death? The Mortician if you're unlucky.
what is a mortician's favorite exercise? the deadlift
I’m going to start a new school system for children of anti-vax parents. If anyone knows where I can hire some kindergarten teachers and a mortician that would be great.
Why the Hindu mortician lost his job? Despite several warnings he kept writing the cause of death: *Birth*
What does a necrophiliac mortician do at the end of a long day of work? He cracks open a cold one
I'm a female funeral director
For stiffness lasting longer than 4 hours, consult your mortician...
(Fun side note: my graduating class made t-shirts that say this. The strange looks I get, while wearing it, are amazing!)
I think I might become a mortician I always wanted to work with people.
Me: [looking through fridge] there's nothing to eat in here! Mortician: I know right
So I was feeling a little stiff the other day... until the mortician told me to get away from the little person cadaver.
What is it called when you're looking for a body killed by a mortician? Formaldehyde and seek!
One my bar patrons did a girl's haor and then banged her He's a mortician.