Went to a Black Church to listen to gospel. The preacher came over and said "YOU WILL WALK TODAY!!"
I told him I wasn't paralyzed, but he said it again with even more enthusiasm.
After the service I went to leave. My car was gone.
You better not.
I heard this on Christmas day from an elderly, retired preacher.
Two men were watching a dog lick himself. One of the guys said "Man, I sure wish I could do that!"
The other guy said, "You better not- that dog will bite you!"
What does a preacher have in common with an HIV patient? Spreading positivity
What's the difference between a preacher and pimples? Pimples come on your face AFTER puberty!
A Higgs Boson particle walks into a church
The preacher says "We don't allow Higgs Boson particles in here!"
The Higgs Boson particle says "If you don't allow Higgs Boson particles in here, how do you have mass?"
What do you call a 4 foot 1 preacher? A MINIster
How do you scare bees?
"Boo-bees!"
Gold from my local preacher
Edit: Formatting
A woman married four times: to a tycoon, an actor, a preacher, and an undertaker. One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.
What did the triangle say to the preacher? Forgive me father for I have sin().
What does a female preacher feed her newborn child? Pastorized milk.
Have you heard about that new movie, "The Homophobic Preacher"? Hasn't come out yet.
A distraught farmer asked a preacher what would happen if he killed a beaver who had begun working near the canal by his farm. "Damned if you do, dammed if you don't."
How'd the preacher catch A.I.D.S. in Africa? Missionary style.
A preacher visits a prison to give a sermon.
All the inmates attend the service.
The preacher opens with
"It brings me joy to see you all here"
An unhinged neurosurgeon, a tech CEO, and a Southern Baptist preacher walk into a bar... they all ask for your vote
Sunday morning, a man bursts into church and interrupts the sermon, shouting "It's a miracle! I'm walking! I'm walking!" "What happened?" the preacher asked. "They stole my car" the man replied.
A religious awakening Is what happens when the preacher gets through preaching.
A woman walked into a church wearing slippers and a snuggy and started playing on her phone during the sermon. The preacher called her out for idle worship.
What happened to the flatulent preacher? He had to sit there in his own pews.
What's the difference between paracetamol and a preacher? Paracetamol cures a headache.
What does it mean when a preacher looks at the clock? Absolutely nothing.
The last time we changed from daylight saving time, a preacher friend posted... “For those who habitually show up 15 minutes late to church, allow me to remind you that tonight is the night you set your clock back 45 minutes.”
His first time visiting white church, my black friend danced for joy and shouted "Hallelujah!" every time the preacher spoke. That's the last time I invite him to a funeral.
[OC] What do you tell a preacher when they invite you over for spaghetti dinner?
"Pasta pasta, pasta." :)
EDIT: Say it out loud.
Why did the lady preacher keep making the men in her congregation angry? ...she ended all of her sermons with Ah-MEN!
Apparently I need to listen more in church. Turns out the preacher wasn’t talking about Jim Beam when he asked if anyone had been drunk on the Holy Spirit.
When does the preacher seem happiest while singing? Unfortunately in A minor.
What do you call a Mexican preacher at a BBQ? Al pastor.
Why are there so many naked men here? T’is is a holy place! Lord would never approve of this. Said the preacher standing under the Sistine Chapel.
Person a: so im a good lier what jobs should i choose a lawyer or a politician Person b: you could also be a preacher