3 blondes are walking along some tracks.
The first one says "hey these are bear tracks!"
The second says "no they are raccoon tracks."
The third says "no, they're deer tracks."
Then the train hit them.
Two blondes are walking in the forest..
They stumble upon some tracks
Blonde one says “these are deer tracks”
Blonde two says “no these are raccoon tracks”
They argue and argue until they get hit by a train...
A vulture is boarding a plane with a dead raccoon under each wing, when the gate attendant stops him and says, "I'm sorry, sir..." "...but you're only allowed *one* carrion."
I saw that my wife’s eye makeup smeared all around when she woke up this morning. I couldn’t even raccoon-eyes her.
Why did the raccoon cross the freeway? To visit his flatmate.
Who would win at scrabble between a Squirrel and a Raccoon? The Squirrel, it has a Q in it!
What do you get when you cross a raccoon, and a steam roller?
What do you get when you cross a raccoon, and a steam roller?
Rascal Flatts.
A vulture tries to get on an airplane
A vulture tries to get on an airplane with a raccoon under each wing.
The pilot stops him saying, "Sorry, you're only allowed one carry-on."
Leg bite
me: \[googling\] what do I do - leg bleeding raccoon bite
google: elevate and apply pressure
me: \[lifting raccoon real high\] apologize or else !
Whats the difference between a lawyer and a raccoon? when found dead on the side of the road, the raccoon has skid marks in from of it.
What did Rocket Raccoon say after getting stabbed in the back by the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy? Et tu, Groote?
Wife: Why is you back all scratched up? *Flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone* Me: I'm having an affair.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was stapled to the raccoon I kicked.
How would rocket raccoon react if groot joined forces with Thanos in Infinity War? "et tu Groot?"