A Texan says to a Harvard student...
Texan: where are ya from?
Harvard Student: well, where *i'm* from, we don't end sentences with prepositions.
Texan: oh, alright. where are ya from, jackass?
A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...
...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.
"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"
"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.
'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"
A Texan meets a Havard grad. Curious, he asks:
Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”
The Conservation of the Letter R Everytime a Bostonian "pahks his cah in the yahd", a Texan warshes something
Why shouldn't you ask if someone's a Texan? Because if they are they'll tell you, and if they aren't you don't want to insult them.
A crossfitter, a Texan, and a vegan walk into a bar. How do you know? They all tell you within 3 seconds.
Niagara Falls
A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said; I’ll bet you don’t have anything like this in Texas.
The Texan said; nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it.
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.
If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a
Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest,
causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
What’s the difference between a Texan and a Redneck? A Texan rides a horse, a Redneck rides his cousin
My Texan friends really seem to love German cars. Every time I see them, they smile, wave real friendly-like and say, "Audi!"
A Brit and a Texan are talking. The Texan says "You know, I can get in my car and drive for 3 days and still be on my own land." The Brit replies "I had a car like that once."
Two Texan cops arrive at a crime scene...
Cop 1, after inspecting the body of the black victim: "I've counted 28 gunshots".
Cop 2: "Wow, this might be the worst suicide I've ever seen"!
A redneck Texan, Swiss, Korean and a Mexican were flying..
What did the Texan florist say when he was robbed? "What in carnation?!"
My father's Texas joke A Texan gets pulled over for speeding. The officer says, "You got an ID?" The Texan says, "… about what?"
An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Texan walk into a bar. I wish I had friends to go to the bar with.
A Texan walked into a bar...
The bartender asked, "You got any ID?"
The Texan said, "'bout what?"
If you're from Virginia, you're a Virginian. If you're from New York, you're a New Yorker. If you're from Texas, you're a Texan. And if you're from Massachusetts, you're a Democrat.
Alaskan said to Texan: Stop bragging.... ...about how big your state is, or we'll divide Alaska in half and make you the third largest state.
What is the difference between a Texan and a redneck?? Texans ride bulls while rednecks ride relatives.
What's a Texan's favorite moving company? U'all
What do you call a Texan cattle herder who wants to make holy war? A yeehawdi. (Jihadi)
How do you spot a Texan? You don't have to- they'll tell you the instant you meet them.
I found this addvertisement along the road in Texas Don't Texan drive.
How does a Texan mathematician say hi to his friends Hey λ’all
How does a texan cat say hi? Meowdy
Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish? It's y'all dente
Texan: “Where are you from?”
*Harvard graduate: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”*
*Texan: “OK, where are you from, jackass?”*
How do you circumcise a Texan? Kick his sister in the jaw.
What's a Texan's favorite dessert? Pie Alamo-de.
What's a Mexican's favorite Cheap Trick song? A Texan will tell you "Surrender" but we all know it's "I Juan you to Juan me"
Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "Okay— where are you from, jackass?"
Being a symphorophiliac Being a symphorophiliac when the news is on makes me wetter than a Texan.