Bacteria Jokes

Funny Bacteria Jokes
Score: 252

Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve bacteria here.” The bacteria say, “But we work here, we’re staph"

Score: 203

Two bacteria walk into a bar Two bacteria walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here."

And the bacteria says,
*"But we work here. We're staph."*

Score: 168

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria. I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

Score: 126

I hate when bacteria gets into me without me knowing It makes me sick!

Score: 101

I don't want acne, But bacteria in cyst

Score: 61

New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

Score: 58

Why are bacteria better than viruses? Because viruses don't have culture

Score: 52

Where do bacteria like to vacation? Germany

Score: 39

Why do bacteria wait 5 seconds before touching food? They first need to skip an ad

Score: 34

i can’t believe bacteria just enters our bodies without asking it just makes me sick.

Score: 25

Two bacteria walk into a grungy bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here!" And the bacteria says, "But we work here. We're staph."

Score: 21

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail? They exchange cell numbers.

Score: 15

Two bacteria walk into a bar, then into the staff area. The barman says “get out!”

The bacteria say “don’t worry, we’re staph”

Score: 15

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another? He experiences culture shock.

Score: 13

Two bacteria walk into a bar... The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here."

And the bacteria says, "But we work here. We're staph."

Score: 13

I can't believe all these viruses and bacteria invade my body without permission Makes me sick

Score: 13

Yo momma is so fat... When the doctors told her she had flesh-eating bacteria they gave her 10 years to live

Score: 12

What country do bacteria like the most? Germany.

Score: 11

What do you call a rude and isolated bacteria? Uncultured.

Score: 10

My favorite jokes are about bacteria. They’re no-brainers.

Score: 10

One hundred bacteria walk into a bar... of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.

Score: 9

A Bacteria walks into a bar... A bacteria walks into a bar and goes to walk into the kitchen. The bartender stops him and says, "hey, you're not allowed in there". the bacteria replies, "no, it's ok, I'm staff."

Score: 8

Yo mama's like bacteria ...she procreates every 30 minutes and causes diseases.

(Just came in my mind a few moments ago)

Score: 7

Two bacteria walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any bacteria in this bar. The two bacteria say, "Hey, but we work here. We're staph."

Score: 7

Be nice to bacteria... they're the only culture some people have.

Score: 6

Why do bacteria congregate in public places? It's a part of their culture.

Score: 6

Why Can't you see the bacteria in milk? Because it gets past-your-eyes (pasteurized)

Score: 6

German scientists have discovered a new drug, derived from the bacteria *Adolfus hitlerii*, which will be applied to people with ADD. Its ad campaign will carry the slogan "It helps Jew concentrate"

Score: 6

What do you call bacteria that can swim fast? Micro Phelps.

Score: 5

What do you call it when you are studying bacteria and someone steals your sample? Cultural appropriation.

Score: 5

You should know much bacteria is on raw meat. Lives are at steak.

Score: 4

Who do you call when the church has bacteria? Pasteur Louis

Score: 3

What did the bacteria say when the acne started developing the second time? I'm bac.

Score: 2

How many bacteria does it take to change a lightbulb? One ... no, two ... no, four ... no, eight ...

Score: 2

Why did the patient take his medication at 6:00pm when the doctor said to take it at 9:00pm? He wanted to surprise the bacteria!

Score: 2

What did the virus say to the bacteria? Looks like our pathogens have crossed.

Score: 1

Why should we support bacteria? They're the only culture some people have.

Score: 1

bacteria is like family They always eat your leftovers.

Score: 0

When alien bacteria arrived on Earth via meteor strikes, what was the first thing it did? Colonize.

Score: 0

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