Got called in for a drug test at work...
They said I tested positive for opioids.
I said "Oh yeah. There were poppy seeds on my bagel this morning."
They said "What about the THC, cocaine, and LSD?"
"It was an everything bagel."
I went to the zoo today and saw a bagel locked up in a cage. Apparently it was bread in captivity.
My friends in Germany were complaining that they couldn’t find a good bagel anywhere... well whose fault is that?
Had to take a drug test at work today. They said they found Opiates. I told them it was probably the poppy seeds on my bagel. But then they asked about the THC, meth amphetamines, cocaine, and hallucinogens. Told them it was an everything bagel.
What type of bagel can fly? A plain bagel
What's a pilot's favorite kind of bagel? Plain
Doctor: “the test results came back...”
“...and you’ve tested positive for opiates...”
Patient: “I ate a bagel this morning.”
Doctor: “...and meth, cocaine, marijuana, oh and you’re pregnant.”
Patient: “it was an everything bagel.”
What’s a pilot’s favorite kind of bagel? Plain
Sir you tested positive for opiates
Me: I had a bagel for breakfast that morning
Doctor: You also tested positive for marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, methamphetamine and just about every other drug
Me:...It was an everything bagel
What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel!
If a seagull flys over the sea, then what flys over the bay?
A bagel!
(Came up with this Louis CK style slapstick literature at 5 years old, give me bronze)
What kind of Bagel flies? a plain bagel
What's Mario's favorite bagel flavor? Ses-a-ME! Mario!
What do you call a seagull that flies by the bay? a bagel
Joke from my 7yr old son - If a bird that flies over the sea is a seagull, what is...
... a bird that flies over the bay?
A BAGEL!
Ba dum, tsss
Why does a seagull fly over the sea? Because if it flew over the bay it would be a bagel!
I recently bumped into a Frenchman wearing a bagel as a scarf. He said it was a real pain in the neck.
What do you call a bagel that can fly? a plain bagel.
What do you call a bagel with wings? A plane bagel.
What do you call a seagull by the bay? A bagel.
Did you hear about the new PBR-flavored bagel spread "Pabst schmear"
What do you call a seagull over the bay? A Bagel
What kind of a bagel flies?... A "plane" bagel.
What does a seagull call their significant other? Bagel
Why did the seagull fly over the sea? Because if it flew over the bay it’d be a bagel
Lame joke: What is a pilot’s favorite type of bagel? Plain
Why did the bagel go the bar? To get toasted
I'm writing a book called "Fair In Height, For 5'1"" It's about a short guy that gets too heated at a bagel store.
What kind of bagel did the camper eat? A winnebago.
Why did the guy with Down's Syndrome enter an RV contest at a bagel shop? He wanted to Winnebago.
What do you call a bagel that flies? A plain bagel!
I baked a doglike bun for my girlfriend. She really wanted to know what kind of dog it was and if it had any fillings. I said: "It's purebred bagel."
What is Carlos Castaneda's favorite type of bagel? Astral plain
What's a type of bread that flys off the shelf? A plain bagel!