After being single for ages, my best mate said, "Can I set you up?"
I said, "Go on then"
Now I'm doing twelve years for a crime I didn't commit.
My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.
"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."
"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."
"No," I said. "I mean being single."
A woman sits alone at the bar
A man is waiting for his drink and asks the lady "you must be single right?".
"What, a woman can't have a drink alone at the bar without being single?!"
"No, you're just really ugly"
Im starting to see the bright side of being single.. ..If I tip the bottle towards the ceiling, light shines right through the Vodka. Facinating
Being single means... ...that you come in handy
The best part of being single is being able to sleep around... You get to sleep all over your bed. Left, right, diagonal, or in the middle.
Guys, I think I'm finally ready to stop being single!! Now, where's that damned shotgun?
I reached my goal of shedding 137 pounds this week It's nice being single again
What's the difference between being in a relationship and being single? You really get the first-hand experience.
Being single means you're a true DIY-er. They even have websites and videos to help!
I hate being single It's just amoeba myself.
According to a recent study, being married is the fourth best thing that could happen to a man. The first three, in order: being single, being a widower, being dead.
I make more money than my wife can ever spend! The advantages of being single... Just need to find a job and life will be good
You wanna know what sucks about being single? Nothing. You gotta use your hands now.
Being single is a lot like being a spider... Women always scream and freak out when they see me, I guess I should introduce myself before I get my web stuck in their hair.
A man walks up to his friend and says, "I'm getting sick of being single." The friend replies "well there's a lot of sea in the fish.... and that sea is full of men."
Being single is Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
You know what the best thing about being single is? Being able to eat as many onions as you want.