A friend asked me if I wanted to come to his house last week I told him I'll be there as soon as I boot up my time machine
Have you ever wondered whether it is your dog or your wife who is your real friend?
Yes? Well if you have, just try this experiment...
Put your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?
Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school?
A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
A lot of you probably heard this before. I heard it for the first time and felt like sharing
Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying, “I’m a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal.” It was at that moment that I suddenly realized just how many gynecologists there are on the roads.
Where do shoes receive their military training? Boot Camp
My six year old niece made up this joke. I think she may be a comedic prodigy.
Why did the sweater go to boot camp?
To warm up!
How do you start a German submarine? DOS Boot.
Why couldnt the egg make it through boot camp? Cuz he cracks under pressure.
2 Canadians are walking through the snow...
The first one sees a boot in a nearby snowbank and says:
"Look, a boot"
The second one replies:
"About what?"
What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp? I don't know. I'm retiring next month.
I'm going to invent a button that you kick to turn on your computer and call it DOS boot.
My grandad walked into the room with his tackle out, smothered in boot polish. Bless him, he misheard when we told him to turn his clock back.
I went to a car boot sale yesterday and bought a box of second hand newspapers, They may be old but they’re news to me.
Do you know how to test if your wife or dog loves you more?
Lock them both in the boot of your car and then leave them there for a few hours.
Once you have unlocked it you will quickly see who is more happy to see you.
Why did the new pc owner leave a shoe in his harddrive He was told he needed a boot drive
It's raining in Italy That's why it has the shape of a boot and not a flip flop.
Why is Italy shaped like a boot? Because you can't fit that much sh*t in a shoe
What's an Android developer's favourite cereal? Boot Loops
What goes stomp, stomp, stomp, squish? An elephant with a wet boot
How many Jews can you fit in a car? Two in the front ,two in the back, one in the boot and fifty in the ashtray.
What do you call a Canadian shoe? A boot.
What did the one U-Boot officer say to the other U-Boot officer? 'Are you sinking what I'm sinking?'
What is the first thing they do at boot camp? Take the privates out and inspect them.
I was at a car boot the other day, and saw a vintage cup with a hole in it People were throwing prices around, like $250 and $300, but I don't think those prices hold any water.
I was told I was going to a Military boot camp So I showed up in Yaddas
I asked a German if he brought back any meat from the grocers. He opened his car boot to show me his spare veal.
How do you stop a hippie from drowning? Take your combat boot off his head.
You ever hear about the hipster cowboy?
He went to pay respects to the people buried at Boot Hill.
. . .you've probably never heard of them, because they're so underground.
My boss gave the sandal... Because I didn’t mess up enough yet to get the boot.
I just bought a sleeping bag from a car boot sale and it's living up to its name. It's been snoring all the way home.
Disney Toy Story vs R rated Toy Story
Disney Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my boot"
R Rated Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my booty"
I bought a sleeping bag from a car boot sale and it lived up to its name. It was snoring all the way home.