Carl opened a zoo.
Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.
Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.
So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.
Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.
My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?
What's the difference between Rick Grimes and Carl Grimes? Rick Grimes has two I's....
According to Carl Jung, I should live life like a kleptomaniac hooker... ...and take things as they come.
John: Carl, why do you have a bandage on your ear?
Carl: I was ironing my shirts and my phone rang. I picked up the iron instead of the the phone and burned my ear.
John: I get that. But why do you have a bandage on the other ear?
Carl: Well, the phone rang again.
One time in English Class our teacher asked us to make a sentence with the word “Dandelion”.
Carl says “The dandelion is beautiful.”
The Jamaican Transfer Student then says “The cheetah is faster DanDeLion.”
Carl drives a stick
**Andy:** Carl, why was the clutch in my car broken after i lent it to you?
**Carl:** Well don't you look at me, i didn't even touch the thing!
If you drink the blue liquid inside of a magic 8 ball, you can see the future. It’s true. My friend Carl drank one and said “I’m dying”, and then he did.
What two games does Carl Sagan play at the bar? Billiards and Billiards
I have a beta fish named Carl He's a real lady killer!
I went to a Carl's Jr. the other day and noticed it was incredibly cold inside... Turns out I was at Brrrrr-ger King.
Did you know Harvey Weinstein once submitted a slogan to Carl's Jr., but they had to change it? The original slogan was, "You're not leaving this place until it's all over your face."
My pet was reading Carl Marx It's a commyleon
What do you call a scientist who believes in ancient gods and goddesses?
Carl Pagan!
Came up by myself!
How many i's does "Carl" have?
One less than "Rick".
An original joke I pondered while binging TWD on Netflix.
Carl the serial killer was sentenced to death. He requested a steak burrito from Chipotle as his last meal.
When asked if he wanted chips and guac he said "yes but hold the guac, it gives me indigestion."
Edit: this was funnier in my head
One space rock, said to the other space rock, “got any more gossip on the affair?” The other space rock replied, “yeah, turns out Carl’s mistress... is a man!” Space rocks always love when the story gets meteor.
If you listen closely you can hear the polite squirrel swear
"Aww nuts!"
(its name is probably Carl)
What's Rick Grimes' favorite holiday? Christmas, Carl
What do you get when you cross Carl Grimes with a tub of chocolate pudding? Correlated
A pig walks into a bar
He asks for 2 beers
The bartender notices that thie pig is sad
Bartender:Hey buddy why dont you turn that frown upsider down.
The Pig: Carl my entire family was just killed
Carl Wheezer joke I worship Carl Wheezer and the Romans crusified him on a Croiss-ant
My cat’s favourite opera song?
O fortuna. (Oh-for-tuna)
From Carmina Burana by Carl Orff
Karen goes to the psychic...
"Two men, Bob and Carl, both want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?"
"You will marry Bob. Carl will be the lucky one."
Someone asked the early Carl Jung if he felt like an "old soul" he replied "Not at all I'm 25 years Jung"