Carpet Jokes

I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...

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I had a Goldfish that could break dance on the carpet, for 20 seconds, only once

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I got fired from my job at a carpet shop Apparently asking customers "fancy a shag?" is inappropriate ?

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Funny Carpet Jokes
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I had a Fish That could breakdance, on the carpet, for 20 seconds, only once.

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I was walking around the city when i saw a man in a turban shaking his carpet on his balcony. I shouted at him: "What's wrong, it isn't starting?"

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Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room.. It's not dead, It's just afraid to move.

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I just saw an Indian guy shaking a piece of carpet outside his door. I said, "Whats up, Won't it start?"

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Aladdin Banned from Flying Carpet Racing Sources say for use of Performance Enhancing Rugs

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I just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the woods. Her boyfriend would've helped, but he's out of town.

Score: 58

A man comes to a carpet store and says: - I need a rug.

- Why so gloomy, pal? Are going to wrap a body in it, eh?

- I need two rugs.

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My wife phoned me in a panic. She said, "How do you get wine out of the carpet?!" "No idea," I replied. "I usually get mine out of the fridge."

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This girl once told me she wanted me to do it doggy style. So I licked her face, crapped on the carpet and bit her mailman in the ankle

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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan dude He was standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

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What do you call Matt Damon when he haunts a carpet store? Mat Demon

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What do Mexicans put under their carpet? UNDERLAY! UNDERLAY!

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What type of flooring do lesbians prefer? They prefer carpet over hardwoods.

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[WARNING OC!] What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to his donkey when he's late? "Underlay Underlay Underlay!"

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What is a dog in a vehicle? A carpet.

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On the Red Carpet Reporter: "Who are you wearing?"

Buffalo Bill: "I'm so glad you asked."

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I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, “What’s up Abdul, won’t it start?”

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My girlfriend refuses to vacuum the carpet It’s like it’s beneath her or something

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The police didn't believe me when I told them I found a flying carpet... They called the whole thing fabricated.

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An Arab is shaking a carpet on the window.A guy sees from below and asks: What's wrong with it? Doesn't start?

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What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress? I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

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A man is drinking at a bar and meets a redheaded woman, not realizing that she is transgender Already drunk, the man decided to ask, "Does the carpet match the drapes?" The transgender woman replies, "There's no carpet, only hardwood."

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What's the difference between me and a carpet? A carpet will get laid.

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What's does a Mexican put under his carpet? Underlay! Underlay! Underlay!

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Whats the best pet to take travelling? A carpet. Im sorry.

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What's the difference between Java and JavaScript? Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

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What do you call a magician’s bush? A magic carpet

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Why does Aladdin travel on a magic carpet? He's on the no fly list.

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Why can the floor lie? Because the carpet's covering it.

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"Would you like a table?" "Not at all. I came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."

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A company has developed a piece of technology that is putting plumbers out of business A pair of boots that get sewage all over my carpet by themselves!

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I liked the live-action Aladdin! It had a modern style with cool music, a stylish palace, an updated magic carpet, a new genie, a new lamp, a modern princess, and even a fresh prince! 👈👈😁

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They promised me, they promised today will be the last time this stupid untrained dog will ever pee on my carpet! Plus, if it takes them more than eight hours to install the wood floors I get them free!

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I went over my mates house and dropped acid for the first time last night. Now he saying I have to buy him a new carpet.

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What do you call it when a celebrity is on their period? Red carpet.

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Did you hear about the special offer at the Mexican carpet store? UNDERLAY UNDERLAY UNDERLAY!!!!!!!!

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