How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife? They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.
My ex wife's favorite joke.
Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a sheet of saran-wrap.
Doc says to him, "I can clearly see your nuts."
What did the jedi tell his ex wife? May divorce be with you.
If I had a nickel for every time my ex wife cheated on me She would have taken that too
I asked my ex wife if she would like to make love just like old times.
She replied,"Over my dead body."
I said, "Yeah, just like old times."
What do you do if you’re drunk and you run into your ex wife? Reverse to make sure.
I missed my Ex wife twice this morning. I must get the sights on my rifle fixed.
So my ex wife was sick in the hospital and I decide to visit her. She was complaining that her body temperature has dropped below 30. So I told her not to worry since it's a standard body temperature for snakes.
I know my ex wife misses me, I hope her aim does not improve.
Ten years after my divorce, I can finally say I don't want my ex wife to die anymore. I don't want her to die any less either.
My ex wife and I have decided to quit arguing and bury the hatchet. Now we just have to decide whether it should be in her chest or mine!
My Wife had successful eye surgery Edit* ex wife she finally seen what I looked like
My ex wife's star sign was Cancer, quite ironic considering how she died...
...Eaten by a giant crab 🦀
Note: not my joke, not sure where I heard it
Edit: Jimmy Carr / Bo Burnham
What do you call a cow with no feelings?
My ex wife!
(My dad told this and I laughed to hard
What do my ex wife and the economy have in common? Inflation over time
Genie: you have one wish, but everything you wish for your wife gets double
So if you wish for a car your ex wife will get 2, wish for a million dollars your ex wife gets 2 million
Man: fail one of my kidneys
Literally just saw a dude in the city center humping a trash can... When I asked him why he was doing that he said, "It's cleaner than my ex wife."
I dumped a bowl of trifle over my ex wife after we had an argument.
She took me to court over who should look after the kids after we divorced.
She got custard-y
My ex wife sill misses me B U T H E R A I M I S G E T T I N G B E T T E R
My ex wife misses me But her aim is getting better
My ex wife still miss me... But her aim is getting better!
I saw my ex wife in a grocery store.
"Having fun there?" I asked her, as she felt up the apples. "Does that remind you of someone?"
She said, "No, but this does,"
Then she started rubbing the grapes.
My ex wife didn't show up to the custody trial, so now I get full custody of my kids! Now I just need to swing by her house and untie her.
Why did the pirate have a map to his ex wife's house For booty calls
Frederick W. Smith created a company because he needed money to pay maintenance to his ex wife. He called it Fed*Ex*.
What did Davy Crockett's ex wife say as he left for battle? Remember the alimony!
I missed my ex wife yesterday..... But my aim is getting better :)
A man asked me the other day, "What's the most expensive thing you've ever laid hands on?" I replied, my ex wife.
A redneck looks at a Mexican right in the eye and says, "how does it feel to marry my ex wife and have my sloppy seconds?" "not bad," replies Juan,"after 2.5 inches deep she felt brand new"
How many fish did it take to kill my ex wife? None, there are no fish under my new gazebo.
I like my eggs like my ex wife Over easy
My ex wife still misses me
But her AIM IS GETTIN BETTER
(please don't be a repost)