Flight Attendant Jokes

My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

Score: 13048

I sleep better naked... ...why cant the flight attendant understand that?

Score: 420

A flight attendant asks a man: -Sir, do you want something to drink?

-What are my options?

-Yes and No

Score: 238

The flight attendant asked me during the flight, could I offer you some free headphones? So I replied, “Sure, but how did you know my name is Phones?”

Score: 162

Wouldn't you all agree that you just sleep better naked? I don't understand why the flight attendant was yelling at me...

Score: 161

A flight attendant says to a man... "Would you like headphones?"
The man replies, "How did you know my name was Phones?"

Score: 73

What do you call a pregnant flight attendant? Pilot Error.

Score: 71

I got cursed out by a flight attendant for asking to be moved away from a screaming baby Apparently they don’t like that if it’s your baby.

Score: 52

Flight Attendant: Would you like some headphones? Man: Yes, and how did you know my name was Phones?

Score: 19

I've asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of crying baby next to me It turns out you can't do that if baby is yours.

Score: 14

A female flight attendant walks down the isle and offers a man some headphones. “Would you like some headphones?” She asks.

The man smiles a large grin.

“Why certainly!” He says, “And how did you know my name was Phones?”

Score: 13

I requested the flight attendant to switch my seat as I was next to a screaming baby. Apparently you are not allowed to do that if the baby is yours.

Score: 10

Flight attendant: can I offer some free head phones? Guy: definitely but how did you know my name is Phones?

Score: 10

A man is on a flight at cruising altitude when a female flight attendant comes by with a cart. She looks at him, smiles, and asks, “Would you like some headphones?” The man responds, “Yes, but how did you know my name was Phones?”

Score: 9

What's the difference between a plane engine and a flight attendant? The engine stops whining after take-off.

Score: 9

My hot flight attendant asked how I liked my coffee. Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "that's cute honey, but the coffee is free. You don't have to pay for it here"

Score: 9

I asked the flight attendant what my options were for dinner. She replied, "Yes or No."

Score: 8

What did the Klingon say to the flight attendant? Today is a good day to fly.

Score: 7

Flight attendant: could I offer you some free headphones? Passenger: Yes please but how did you know my name was Phones?

Score: 7

What do you call it when a flight attendant gets pregnant? Pilot error.

Score: 6

What did the football player say to the flight attendant? "Put me in coach"

Score: 5

The best part of being a flight attendant Has to be when you walk the aisle saying "trash" to everyone's face.

Score: 5

A man boards a plane and sits down... and the flight attendant asks him "would you like some headphones?"

he responds "yes please, but how did you know my name was phones?"

Score: 5

What language does a flight attendant speak? Plane English.

Score: 4

[Flight Attendant]: Would you like some headphones? [Passenger]: Yes please, but how'd you know my name was Phones?

Score: 4

Flight attendant: Can I give you some free head phones? Guy: Yes, but how did you know my name was Phones?

Score: 4

It was mealtime on an airplane and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like some dinner. “What are my choices?” the passenger asked.

“Yes or no,” she replied.

Score: 4

For some reason, Spanish-speaking visitors to Britain think we worship flight attendants... I suppose it's understandable given that our national airline is called British Héroes.

Score: 3

What did the flight attendant say to the vulture who dragged two dead raccoons onto the flight? I'm sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion

Score: 3

I was on an airplane yesterday when the gorgeous flight attendant asked me, "Would you like some headphones?" I replied, "Yes please and how did you know my name is phones!?"

Score: 3

What do you say to a flight attendant who's giving you sass? Don't give me that altitude!

Score: 3

A man on a plane started shouting hysterically: "I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam!..." nobody could get him to stop. Finally the flight attendant went over to him. She said "calm down, you're two tents."

Score: 3

Flight attendant : Can I offer you some free head phones ? Guy : Definately! But how did you know my name is Phones.

Score: 2

A cute flight attendant asked me “Would you like me to give you some head Phones?” I said “That would be great, but how did you know my name was Phones?”

Score: 2

The flight attendant shouts: "The wings are burnt!" And then adds: "But don't worry, there's still leg and thigh"

Score: 2

An old woman suffers a heart attack on a United flight... Looking panicked, a flight attendant asks if there are any doctors on the aircraft.
One man stands up, 'Yes, do you need me to do something?'

'Yes, get off the aircraft please.'

Score: 2

Meal-time on a cheap flight It was meal-time during a flight on a cheap airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked.
'What are my choices?' I asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

Score: 2

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