Today is Sigmund Freud's birthday Which reminds me, Mother's Day is this weekend.
In 1910 Freud was old But his student was Jung
I wanted to take a grad level Psych class on Freud, in my sophomore year. But the professor wouldn't let me. She said I was too Jung
It's Sigmund Freud's birthday today... I wish him great happenis.
Why did Sigmund Freud cross the road? To get to the mother side.
How did Sigmund Freud die? He slipped
What did Sigmund Freud say when he had an epiphany? Urethra!
Why doesn’t Sigmund Freud swear? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth.
My grandpa believes he is best friends with Freud. But I keep telling him he is just a Sigmund of his imagination.
Why are the best psychoanalysists Asian? Because they grew up listening to Pink Freud.
As a child, I wanted to be a psychologist. But my parents told me, "We're a-Freud you're too Jung for that."
Why didn’t the bouncer let Sigmund Freud into the nightclub? He forgot his Id
Everytime someone calls another a "motherf*cker" Freud peeks from around the corner.
What was Sigmund Freud's favorite food? Freud Rice
Did you hear about Freud's party last night? Id was wild!
What did the messed up psychologist have for dinner? Freud rice.
What do you call a psychoanalysis game show? Family Freud
There was a very angry bodybuilder psychologist He had Freud rage
What did Sigmund Freud say when his patient wouldn’t unhand his waffle? “Leggo my ego!”
A Jewish joke (as told by Sigmund Freud)
One Jew says to another, “Have you taken a bath?”
The other replies: "No. Is one missing?"
From *Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious*
Why did Freud hurt his shoulder? He made a Freudian slip
what did Freud say about an algebraic equation? What you do to one side, you must also do to your mother
What's Sigmund Freud's favorite soap opera? The Jung and the Restless
What do you call a fried potato with an oral fixation? A French Freud
What would Freud say if he was a bartender? "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to see your id"
My son said, "I'm really into Freud these days." I said, "You can't be, he's dead."
Why did young Freud wear women's clothing? He kept trying to get into his mom's pants.
Sigmund Freud in a slam battle: "Yo' mamma's so neglectful, you struggle to maintain relationships with women because they view you as overly attached and clingy."
How does a psychiatrist like his sausages? Freud
Why didn't Sigmund Freud buy name-brand weiners? They were too expenisve
I don't know what you consider a drug... ... But cocaine is where Freud draws the line.
Freud A Freudian slip is where you say one thing, but mean your mother.