Freud Jokes

Funny Freud Jokes
Score: 31

Today is Sigmund Freud's birthday Which reminds me, Mother's Day is this weekend.

Score: 17

In 1910 Freud was old But his student was Jung

Score: 17

I wanted to take a grad level Psych class on Freud, in my sophomore year. But the professor wouldn't let me. She said I was too Jung

Score: 11

It's Sigmund Freud's birthday today... I wish him great happenis.

Score: 10

Why did Sigmund Freud cross the road? To get to the mother side.

Score: 10

How did Sigmund Freud die? He slipped

Score: 9

What did Sigmund Freud say when he had an epiphany? Urethra!

Score: 9

Why doesn’t Sigmund Freud swear? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth.

Score: 8

My grandpa believes he is best friends with Freud. But I keep telling him he is just a Sigmund of his imagination.

Score: 6

Why are the best psychoanalysists Asian? Because they grew up listening to Pink Freud.

Score: 6

As a child, I wanted to be a psychologist. But my parents told me, "We're a-Freud you're too Jung for that."

Score: 6

Why didn’t the bouncer let Sigmund Freud into the nightclub? He forgot his Id

Score: 6

Everytime someone calls another a "motherf*cker" Freud peeks from around the corner.

Score: 5

What was Sigmund Freud's favorite food? Freud Rice

Score: 4

Did you hear about Freud's party last night? Id was wild!

Score: 4

What did the messed up psychologist have for dinner? Freud rice.

Score: 3

What do you call a psychoanalysis game show? Family Freud

Score: 3

There was a very angry bodybuilder psychologist He had Freud rage

Score: 3

What did Sigmund Freud say when his patient wouldn’t unhand his waffle? “Leggo my ego!”

Score: 3

A Jewish joke (as told by Sigmund Freud) One Jew says to another, “Have you taken a bath?”
The other replies: "No. Is one missing?"

From *Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious*

Score: 2

Why did Freud hurt his shoulder? He made a Freudian slip

Score: 2

what did Freud say about an algebraic equation? What you do to one side, you must also do to your mother

Score: 2

What's Sigmund Freud's favorite soap opera? The Jung and the Restless

Score: 2

What do you call a fried potato with an oral fixation? A French Freud

Score: 2

What would Freud say if he was a bartender? "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to see your id"

Score: 2

My son said, "I'm really into Freud these days." I said, "You can't be, he's dead."

Score: 2

Why did young Freud wear women's clothing? He kept trying to get into his mom's pants.

Score: 2

Sigmund Freud in a slam battle: "Yo' mamma's so neglectful, you struggle to maintain relationships with women because they view you as overly attached and clingy."

Score: 1

How does a psychiatrist like his sausages? Freud

Score: 1

Why didn't Sigmund Freud buy name-brand weiners? They were too expenisve

Score: 1

I don't know what you consider a drug... ... But cocaine is where Freud draws the line.

Score: 1

Freud A Freudian slip is where you say one thing, but mean your mother.

Score: 1

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