As I am getting older, I start to think about all the people I’ve lost along the way.. and I came to the realization that maybe my career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
How do you know you're getting old? When you look at a MILF and wonder what her mom looks like.
As I'm getting older I find that I'm using my glasses more When I was young I just drank straight from the bottle
How do you know you're getting old? When you exit a museum, you trigger the alarm.
My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude
When do you know that you are getting old? When you have babies on purpose
I'm getting worried about getting older. My dad died when was only 42. Then I chill when I remember getting murdered by a hooker isn't genetic.
I know I’m getting old because... I’m having dry dreams and wet farts
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
Getting old sucks. But getting sucked never gets old.
I realized I was getting older when I saw a young lady walking down the street and thought to myself. I wonder what HER mom looks like....
You know you're getting old... when you walk past two priests and they wont even glance at you.
One good thing about getting old and losing memory. I can hide my own Easter eggs.
You know you are getting old when... A couple of priests walk past you and don't even notice you.
You know you’re getting old... When the priests don’t even look at you anymore.
You know you're getting old when... You walk by 4 priest and don't even get a wink.
one of the nice things about getting old is no longer having to worry about early-onset dementia
All the jokes about anti-vaxxers are getting old Unlike their kids
You know you're getting old When you walk by 3 priests and don't even get a wink!
An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar... The bartender says: "This is getting old now."
You know you're getting old when ... the doctor tells you to slow down and the cops tell you to speed up.
You know you're getting old when... You don't panic at the sight of a cop car behind you in traffic.
It's no joke getting older...
First your memory gets worse.
Then your hearing gets worse.
Then your eyesight gets worse.
Then your memory gets worse.
These jokes about apple are getting old really quickly. Punch line: $999
Getting old sucks. The only safe place to cough is when you are sitting on the toilet.
3 great things about getting old and losing your memory
1. You're always making new friends.
2. Every joke you hear is new.
3. I uh, I forget the third one.
When you are getting Old.... You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
My dad always said there are two ways you know that you're getting old. The first is that you start to forget things. I can never remember the second one.
Some of the jokes here are getting old Unlike antivaxx children
What's Matthew Mcconaghuey's favorite thing about time dilation? Everyone else keeps getting older, he stays the same age.
Three Signs You're Getting Older
I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older.
The first is senility
And I forget the other two.
You know you're getting old when you go to a new doctor... ...and part of the new patient exam is carbon dating.
Prostitutes are like cigarettes.
As a kid, you think you're never gonna try it.
When you start getting older, you think, "why not just once?".
Soon enough, you're addicted. And broke.
An attractive woman waits for the stranger next to her to strike a conversation.
She grows impatient and says, "Helloooo, I'm getting old here."
The man replies, "I know. That's why I'm keeping my distance."
Getting old is like the Celsius scale
Anything in the 20's is great.
30-35 starts to get uncomfortable.
35-40 most people can't handle it
and 40+ you might as well be dead.
I love my drug dealer, but him joking that he “only has Pepsi” then threatening to kill me five minutes later is getting old
I think I have the body of a teenager. I tell myself I'm not getting older but it refuses to listen.
I’m starting to get used to getting older It’s really growing on me
I told my son that I wished he could fat, stupid and lazy for just one day because his being that way every day is getting old.