Granny Jokes

I just explained Google to my Granny. "Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.

"Except that." I replied.

Score: 101

Son: Hey Dad, theres some guy collecting for the old folks home at the door Dad: Great! Give him Granny!

Score: 30

What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish? A couple of weeks

Score: 28

"Granny, why do you read obituaries every day?" "Don't worry grandson. I just want to see who is single again."

Score: 24
Funny Granny Jokes
Score: 16

Once, when my grandma stepped out of the bathtub... and my sister commented that the hair on her ‘‘privates’’ was getting rather sparse, Granny retorted that "grass don’t grow on a racetrack".

Score: 7

A girl is singing her favorite songs Her grandma comes in the room and says: ,,Oh, that was you, I thought it was the radio."

Girl: ,,And you came to listen granny!? :D"

,,Naw, I wanted to turn off the radio."

Score: 7

Sonny, sonny, what's the name of that German that hides our things around the house? Alzheimer, granny, Alzheimer!

Score: 6

“My granny was recently beaten to death by my grandad. Not as in, with a stick – he just died first

Score: 5

a pervert calls a retirement home an old lady picks up.

he starts directly "hey granny guess what i am holding in my hand ? "
granny replies " oh if it fits in one hand only then i am not interested "

Score: 4

Not properly prescripted - Granny, have you seen my pills? They are oval shaped with the initials "LSD" engraved on 'em.

- F*ck them, darling! Can't you see there is a dragon in our kitchen?!

Score: 4

What is a cannibal's favorite fruit? Granny Smith

Score: 3

Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac? Quiet son and help me pull granny off the door handle!

Score: 3

For almost the last ten years, I've received a Valentine's Day card from the same secret admirer. So I was really hurt and upset when I didn't receive one this year. First me granny dies, now this?

Score: 3

Why don't ghosts have babies? Because they have hallow-weenies.


This was one of my Granny's favorite jokes as a kid.

Score: 3

My grandma called and told me she had a cataract removed... I told her, “Yeah I know, granny. They got my car too.”

Score: 2

What is the difference between a granny fetish and necrophilia? A couple of weeks

Score: 2

My Grandpa seemed distraught after losing his watch at the Nursing Home. I said, Grandpa, what will you do.......He gave me a wink and said.....I will search every Nook and Granny

Score: 2

I inherited hypertension from my granny. She taught me to take everything with a grain of salt.

Score: 2

Family Fight My neighbours’ family had a huge fight yesterday. Allegedly it started when their son introduced his girlfriend and granny responded: ‘See what happens when you don’t pray?’

Score: 1

Mom Can we go out and play with granny?

Yes, just don't bite her nails or I'll close the coffin

Score: 1

For the past 20 years, I’ve been getting Valentine’s Day cards from a secret admirer. So I was pretty upset when I didn’t get one this year.

First my granny dies, now this?

Score: 1

Granny Son asks his father:

S: "Does granny know something about automatic transmission?"<br>
D: "No"<br>
S: "And what about diesel engines?"<br>
D: "No"<br>
S: "Then why are they showing her in TV lying under a bus?"

Score: 1

Mature women have the greatest genetalia. Believe me, I've searched every nookie'n'granny.

Score: 0

What’s the difference between a Granny and Necrophillia? A couple of weeks

Score: 0

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