I bought my dog a new toy... ...but after a few hours it stopped working. I took it back to the pet shop to see if they could fix it. The guy looked at it for a second and said "I'm sorry, sir, but the hamster is dead".
I drove my daughter's hamster to the vet this morning. I'm getting rather good at golf
When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster... Poor little guy drowned in seconds..
My hamster died today. He fell asleep at the wheel.
"Son, I have some good news and some bad news."
"OK..." he hesitated.
"Well, the good news is...I got you a replacement hamster." I said.
"A...replacement..?" he stopped, as a tear ran down his cheek.
"Yes, and that leads me to the bad news," I added, "You are adopted."
I told my son that I found his hamster. He was ecstatic. Until I said it was in the vacuum cleaner.
What do you call a water barrier constructed for rodents in the capital of the Netherlands? An Amsterdam Hamster Dam
A couple on the first date.
She: What are your hobbies?
He (gets a stuffed hamster out of his pocket): Taxidermy.
Hamster: And ventriloquism!
I just returned my pet hamster. I'm starting to think we should have used a tennis ball.
"I've found your hamster," I told my daughter over the phone.
"You're a hero!" she screamed, "Thank you so much. Can you put him back in my cage for me?"
I said, "Of course. I just need to get him out of the hoover first though."
What do we call a wireless mouse?
Hamster.
Source: **Dad**
I was wondering why my hamster was so fat... Then it became a parent.
I went on a date and the girl asked me if I had any hobbies
Me: Yes *pulls a hamster out of my pocket* taxidermy
Hamster: and ventriloquism
What do you call a pile of hamsters in a river? Hamster-dam.
Why is a hamster like a cigarette? They're both harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
Did you hear about the hamster who died? He fell asleep at the wheel
What do a hamster and a cigarette have in common? They're both harmless until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire
My little Hamster is such a laugh!!
He just stays in there on that circle thing going round and round and round for ages until ...
*DING* Then I take him out of the Microwave.
I was afraid that I had stepped on my child's hamster this morning... ... but laughed when I double checked. I had just tripped on a little puddle of blood and fur.
Why did the hamster die? He just didn't have the wheel to live.
My hamster died at the weekend... ... he fell asleep at the wheel
My hamster died as he lived... in the microwave.
A mother brings another hamster home to her son. Excited, he runs to his father and says... "Papua, New Guinea pig!"
Why was the hamster a bad Supreme Court Justice? Because his mind was always on a pellet.
What do you get when you shake a butthurt hamster up in a bag of cheetos? Donald Trump
Where did the hamster deposit her paycheck? Her shavings account
-Bah! I wasn't that drunk yesterday... \- Come on Dad, you threw my hamster out of the window and shouted: Pikachu! I Choose You!
When I was young my hamster died.
My parents replaced it, thinking I wouldn't notice.
But I did notice and killed the new one too.
I'm writinig a book.... It's called *""Pop goes the hamster" and other great microwave games"*
Why was the hamster anxious at work? Because his job didn’t pay a high enough celery.
What did the hamster tell the software engineer? "Trust me! All your problems can be solved by doing something in a loop"