My phone just replaced the word "killed" with "kilt." Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.
What's the only acceptable thing for a Scotsman to wear under his kilt? Lipstick
Don’t run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out. Or worse yet, get kilt.
Asked a Scottish man today why they wear those skirts He replied 'the last guy that called it skirt, got kilt'
A woman put her hand up a Scotsman's kilt and squealed - "It's gruesome" The Scotsman replied- "put your hand up there again and it'll gruesome more"
What does robbing a Scotsman get you? Kilt
What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? If it’s a good day lipstick
Don’t run with bag pipes. You could poke out an eye out or worse... Get kilt.
Two Scottish guys discussing a wedding..
First guys asks "What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?"
Second fella says "A kilt of course!"
First fella "What's the tartin?"
"She's wearing white" says his pal
My phone autocorrected "killed" to "kilt"... Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.
Little old lady puts her hand up a Scotsman's kilt and says "what are these for?" "Four?!" he exclaims
A Scottish guy announced to his mate that he was getting married...
I'll write this down phonetically, so use your best Scottish accent:
"Ahm gettin married next week."
"Are ye wearin a kilt?"
"Aye, ahm weerin a kilt."
"Wha's the tartin?"
"She's in a whit dress."
You shouldn't run with bag pipes. You could put an eye out, or get kilt.
What is the difference between a skirt and a kilt? Underwear
Speaking of scotsmen, I asked one if anything is worn under the kilt... He said "Nay ya wee bairn, everything's in fine an' workin' order!"
What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear? He kilt himself
A lady walks up to a Scot...
A lady walks up to a Scot wearing a kilt and asks... 'Is anything worn under the kilt?'
'No', he said. 'It's all in perfect condition'.
Did you hear what happened to the Scottish soldier? He was kilt in action.
You should never trust a Scottish tailor. It'll get you kilt.
Did you hear about the kilt maker that went to prison? He had quite the chequered past.
Don't run with bagpipes! You could poke an eye out. Or even worse, get kilt.
What do you call two Scottish potatos who have just recived a rock as a prize? Kilt tubers with won stone.
Why is it called a kilt? Because that's what happened to the last person who called it a skirt.
How can you tell which clan a Scotsman is from? Look under his kilt. If he's got a quater pounder, he's a McDonald.
How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman? Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.
Scottish Joke: After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt...
"And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.
"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.
what do you call a bunny in a kilt? a hopscotch
How did the Scot die? He got kilt.
Shopping in Europe can be dangerous. In some countries you can even get a man kilt!
How many canaries can you fit under a Scottsman's kilt? Depends on the length of the perch.