My wife and I are finally planning a trip to San Francisco for my life long dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
She said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
What do the post office and the San Francisco 49ers have in common? They don't deliver on Sunday
Why is it so cold in San Francisco? Giant fans.
How do you get out of San Francisco? Go straight....
All the guys here in San Francisco are super nice. They keep asking if they can push my stool in. Even when I'm already sitting down or there are no chairs around.
What do you call a seagull living in San Francisco? A baygull.
Last week in San Francisco...
Last week in San Francisco a Tesla ran out of power during a police pursuit.
The car has since been charged with battery.
2 blondes are sitting on a bench in San Francisco...
One of the blondes says to the other. "Hey, which one is closer; New York or the moon?". The other blonde laughs at the stupidity of the joke.
"Well, duh! Can you see New York from here?"
A sign on the Golden Gate Bridge reads: "Now entering San Francisco, chains required… …whips optional"
How do you separate a man from a boy in San Francisco? With a crowbar.
Why is San Francisco called the granola city? Because when you take out all the fruits and nuts, all you have left are the flakes.
Who is Santa Claus?
Because if in Spanish, "Santo" or "San" is used for male saints...
(San Francisco, San Diego)
And "Santa" is used for female saints...
(Santa Monica, Santa Barbara)
Wouldn't that make Santa Claus transsexual?
"What do you call someone who makes cakes in San Francisco? A BAYYYYker
I heard that San Francisco had to change their team name to the 29ers this year... because 20 of them left in the offseason.
What do you call a dog kennel in San Francisco? Luxury apartments
Well, there's a least one positive thing about moving to San Francisco... Your partner.
If you drop your wallet in San Francisco kick it to San Jose, before you pick it up.
What do you do if you drop your keys in San Francisco? Kick them to San Jose. Then pick them up.............
I writing a screenplay for a tv show about a girl with narcolepsy who lives in San Francisco. It's called 'Suddenly Snoozin.'
TIL the mint in San Francisco does not produce any circulating coins It doesn‘t make cents!
What do you call forty German naysayers from San Francisco? The San Francisco Forty Neiners
A bus with 24 people was crossing the San Francisco bridge; when they reached the other side, not a single person was left. What happened to the people ? They were all married.
I own a shirt from San Francisco It's in the closet right now.
At San Francisco’s airport last Tuesday, customs officials confiscated 20 giant centipedes. They said, “There’s just not enough leg room in the airplane”.
San Francisco, Manhattan, Chicago and Miami were having a lively conversation until St. Louis passed by, looking depressed.
Chicago said, "why are you so sad?"
St. Louis replied, "I'm always in a state of Missouri."
What do you call someone from San Francisco with a car? A homeowner
Why are so many people in San Francisco homeless? They can't afford an apartment because they only make 50 grand per year.
What does the iconic bridge in San Francisco and my favorite shower have in common? They’re both golden.
What do you call a Significant Other that lives in San Francisco? A Bay-Bae
People in San Francisco started running away from the water as someone started shouting, SHARK! THERES A SHARK!! Little do they know, its just Klay Thompson doing backstroke..
TIL Modern Day San Francisco Was Built on Hundreds of Abandoned Bakeries. They built that city on rocks and rolls.