Sewing Jokes

Today i made a mistake while sewing. Oops, wrong thread.

Score: 65

I'm trying to think of a sewing pun but I'm really struggling. I needle the help I can get.

Score: 25
Funny Sewing Jokes
Score: 19

My friend composes lyrics about sewing machines. She's a Singer songwriter.

Score: 18

I think my wife's sewing machine is on the blink. I'm not sure what's wrong, it just doesn't seam right.

Score: 18

Everybody in the village agreed that I did an excellent job of sewing their mouths shut. After I left, they were humming my praises.

Score: 17

I come from a very musical family Even the sewing machine's a singer

Score: 15

Link to the ultimate guide for sewing and hemming clothing. Sorry, wrong thread.

Score: 13

My friend writes songs about sewing machines. She’s a Singer songwriter.

Score: 12

What do you say to an angry woman sitting at a sewing machine? You seem stressed.

Score: 9

How can you tell if a sewing machine is trustworthy? If it seams legit

Score: 8

The sword swallower went to a sewing store to buy pins and needles He was on a diet

Score: 8

Last night I ran out of sewing needles. I should go to the supermarket and grab myself a punnet.

Score: 7

My Sewing skills aren't up to scratch... Whoops! Wrong thread.

Score: 7

Coffee Coffee: you haven't had enough until you can thread a sewing machine needle while it's running.

Score: 6

I’m having trouble with my sewing Whoops, wrong thread

Score: 6

My friend writes songs about sewing machines... Yes...He's a Singer songwriter....or sew it seams !!

Score: 6

What did Jean-Luc Picard say when Engineering offered to fix his electric sewing machine? Make it sew!

Score: 5

What do you call a gangsta sewing group? Nittas With Attitude

Score: 5

"Hey, bro, I need a 50 dollar bill." "What? Why do you need a $50?"

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"I want to buy a thimble."

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"A THIMBLE?? What do you need a thimble for? And since when were you into sewing anyways?

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"Thewing? I need it for my drumthet."

Score: 5

What were the monster's first words after Dr. Franksenstein brought him back to life after sewing together different body parts? Thanks for re-membering me.

Score: 5

Tragic sewing accident kills woman and three children... Whoops, wrong thread.

Score: 4

What's the difference between a sewing machine and a female jogger? A sewing machine only has one bobbin.

Score: 4

According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had.. Oops... sorry, wrong thread.

Score: 4

So my wife got a new sewing machine this week and I know what you guys are thinking.... ...sew what?

Score: 3

What are the most useful things your parents taught you? Cooking, cleaning, sewing...that's what i learnt from my dad. My mum taught me how to make jokes based on stereotypical perceptions of gender.

Score: 3

My tailor became a lawyer. Now he's sewing everyone.

Score: 3

Did you hear about Mike Tyson’s new band where he plays the sewing machine? They really utilize their thimbles.

Score: 3

A nun was losing sleep over whether or not to take up sewing She heard it could be habit-forming

Score: 2

I learned a lot from my parents Things like cooking, cleaning, and sewing, I learned from my father. And my mother taught me to construct jokes based on stereotypical gender roles.

Score: 2

The decision to cover headphone jack in the new iPhone is ridiculous! It's a bit like Steve Jobs sewing the opening of his turtleneck shut.

Score: 2

What's the difference between a woman running down stairs and a sewing machine? A sewing machine has only one bobbin.

Score: 2

Memo for our next sewing club meeting! Oops wrong thread!

Score: 1

Police are questioning a man for sewing peoples mouths shut. The suspect is remaining tight lipped.

Score: 0

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