Squash Jokes

3 hookers are chatting in a bar The first says "I've worked it so much I can fit a squash up there." The second says "that's nothing, I can stick a melon up mine." The third just smiles and slowly slides down the bar stool.

Score: 50
Funny Squash Jokes
Score: 19

I was going to eat a spaghetti squash... But then I thought, "Nah, I butternut."

Score: 7

I like playing squash The ants hate it.

Score: 7

If there were two vegetarian rappers Could they still have beef? Or would they squash it!

Score: 6

What's the difference between squash and zucchini? You can't zucchini bugs!

A family-friendly take on the age old "jam VS jelly" joke.

Score: 5

I Squash soft drink cans for a living It's soda pressing

Note: just made this up in the shower when I was thinking about how "so depressing" sounds like "soda pressing"

Score: 5

What do you call an edible gourd with a cheeky disposition? A Sass-Squash

Score: 5

What did the Zucchini say when it got stepped on? *squash*

Score: 4

This one was from my daughter after dinner. What did the linguini say to the spaghetti squash?


IMPASTA!

Score: 4

What did the squash say to the cucumber when he saw the pumpkin patch get blown up? Oh My Gourd!

Score: 3

What do you get if you squash a house? A flat.

Score: 3

What do you get when you mix godzilla and a vegtable garden? Squash

Score: 3

What do you get when bigfoot stomps on your garden? Squash

Score: 3

My dog's name is Butter. one day, I went outside and accidentally stepped on his testicles. Anybody want some butter nut squash?

Score: 3

What is Godzilla's favorite fruit? Squash.

Score: 2

Why did the squash go to the gym? Because she's getting ready for zucchini season

Score: 2

I received a wedding invite soaked in squash today. Turns out I had been cordially invited.

Score: 2

What did the gourd say to the zucchini about their bad relations with a cow. We gotta squash this beef.

Score: 2

How do you turn a pumpkin into a different vegetable? You throw it up in the air and it comes down squash!

Score: 2

What's a vegetables favorite sport? Squash

Score: 2

A squash and melon are talking to each other The squash asks for the melons hand in marriage. The melon says, "I'm very sorry, but I cantaloupe."

Score: 2

I accidentally stepped on one of my friends squash. I feel so bad. He told me not even ten minutes before hand that I'd butternut squash it.

Score: 2

Why did the farmer give the cow a pumpkin? He wanted to squash his beef.

Score: 2

Three girls were in a bar Three girls were in a bar talking a bout how loose they were, the first could fit a cucumber, the second a squash and the third slid down the bar stool

Score: 2

What do you call a squash that can't get married? Cant elope

Score: 2

What do you call a vegan pirate? A squash-buckler!

Score: 2

What did the cockroach say to the man who wanted to squash it? You are just jealous of me since I make your spouse scream louder than you!

Score: 2

What did the squash farmer say to the produce thief at the farmers market? You butternut steal my squash!

Score: 2

What is the Hulk's favourite sport? Squash.

Score: 2

What do you call a rotten gourd? A squishy squash.

Score: 1

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