Sweat Jokes

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal. But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

Score: 567

Propellers on small planes are actually used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops spinning, you can see the pilot start to sweat.

Score: 481

With a grim look on his face, my doctor told me I had onomatopoeia. Breaking in to a cold sweat, I gasped, “What’s that?!” He whispered, “It’s exactly what it sounds like.”

Score: 196
Funny Sweat Jokes
Score: 176

You ever get laid in a sleeping bag? It's awful. You can't even move, you're drenched in sweat and your scout master is covering your mouth.

Score: 138

I was on a first date last night. We were at a bar and when i looked at her i couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I started to go weak at the knees and sweat all over my forehead.

It was only then i realised, that i drugged the wrong drink.

Score: 98

New glasses "New glasses? They look super, man!"
Clark Kent begins to sweat.

Score: 45

I can't believe I got fired from my job at the DNA testing facility. After all the blood, sweat, and tears I put in.

Score: 31

I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving ... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me

Score: 29

You ever get laid in a sleeping bag? It's awful. You can't even move, you're drenched in sweat and the scout master is covering your mouth.

Score: 27

A good rule to live by Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Score: 17

What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race? Josh Duggar at a family reunion.

Score: 13

Like my grandfather always said: "Don't sweat the petty things in life, Pet the sweaty things.."

Score: 13

I sweat less when I wear sunglasses ... Because I feel cooler

Score: 9

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Score: 9

Me: I've always put my blood, sweat & tears into my work! Them: That's why you're being sacked. You are a Chef. You can't put all that in food and serve it to customers.

Score: 8

Prof.: There are no dumb questions! Prof.: "Are there any questions? There are no dumb questions!"

Student: "Do cows sweat more under the black dots than under the white ones?"

Prof.: "Wow..."

Score: 7

I knitted a scarf after 4 days of blood sweat and tears out of floss only to find out it is just falling apart. Sorry, wrong thread.

Score: 7

This place I know of makes some AMAZING wedding cakes I hear they put in a lot of blood, sweat and tiers.

Score: 5

What is the purpose of the propeller on an airplane? To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!

Score: 5

People who complain about sweat shops... ... should seriously walk a mile in my shoes.

Score: 4

My personal trainer is ill today. No sweat.

Score: 4

I caught Usain Bolt's sweat towel after the race today and promptly rubbed it all over my face I was trying to get usain in my membrane

Score: 4

Why did the supply chain manager wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat? He was having a logistical nightmare.

Score: 4

Worried about overcooking your onion? Don’t sweat it.

Score: 4

I put my blood, sweat, and tears into my work, and this is the thanks I get. The restaurant is not pressing charges but I'll be lucky to find work as a chef again.

Score: 4

What is worse then sweat on Olivia Newton John? Come on Eileen

Score: 3

Why did the hipster sweat so much? He turned on the heating before it was cool.

Score: 3

Two men are sitting in a sauna after a workout. “I’ll be honest, my wife really is an angel.” “You’re lucky,” the second man answers, wiping the sweat from his brow. “My wife is still alive.”

Score: 3

What's it called when you sweat the bed? Wet nap.

Score: 3

People say girls like men with 6 packs, ripped and able to lift them up. Well I have more than 6 packs of rubbish, ripped jeans and can lift bags full of trash across the street without sweat.

Call me up.

Score: 2

Martin Luther King woke up in a sweat... He had the scariest dream ever.

Score: 1

What do you call the sweat on the back of a Mennonite's back? Relative humidity

Score: 1

I break out into a cold sweat at the mere thought of a card-based roll-playing game The doctor says I have PTSD&D

Score: 1

Why are people with out sweat glands always fit? Because they never break a sweat.

Score: 0

What did Prince Andrew say when they told him to stop raping kids? No sweat.

Score: 0

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