Swede Jokes

Funny Swede Jokes
Score: 107

A man is taking a walk in a park. He sees another man sitting on a bench holding a long pole. He walks up to the man and asks, "Excuse me, are you a polevaulter?" The man replies, "No, I'm a Swede, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

Score: 10

A Norwegian, a Swede and a Finn are on an island The Norwegian shoots the other two.

Score: 9

Just bought a Volvo from Neil Diamond on eBay..... Swede car online

Score: 9

How do you describe a Swede, who's not really a Swede? Swed-ish.

Score: 8

What do you call a Swede that doesn't like modern music? Bjorn in the wrong generation.

Score: 4

I've just seen a man in the local bookstore exchange a swede like vegetable for some hardbacks I thought, that's a turnip for the books

Score: 3

A Brit, a Scandinavian and an American all entered their village fete's giant vegetable show. The swede won.

Score: 3

An Englishman, and Irishman... , a Chinese, a Japanese, a Scot, a Mexican, an, African, a Portuguese, a Swede, a German, and a Frenchman walk into a bar.
“I’m sorry,” says the maître’D, “ But you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

Score: 3

Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian? A socialist who wants to be king!

Score: 2

Three guys see a European man stretching across a lawn... The First says: "That guy looks like Swede."

The Second says: "No no no, he is definitely Italian."

The Third says: "C'mon guys! He's definitely a SpanYard!"

I'll see myself out.

Score: 2

What did the Scandinavian say at his Grandmothers funeral? She was a Swede old lady but now shes Finnish

Score: 2

Did you hear about the viking cannibal? He had a Swede-tooth

Score: 2

A swede is looking to buy some deodorant He goes into the store and is asked “would you like ball or aerosol?”
Taken aback he replies “I would like armpit..”

Score: 2

A Swede and a Finn meet for a drink. The Swede arrives and sits down at the table.
'Hello' says the Swede.
'Are we here to talk or drink?' asks the Finn

Score: 2

I bought a volvo from Neil Diamond on eBay... Swede car online!

Score: 2

I bought a used Volvo from Neil Diamond on Autotrader.... Swede car online.

Score: 2

What do you get when hou bring a Greek and a Swede together? Moose-saka

Score: 1

What do you call immigrants in Sweden? Swede-ish

Score: 1

How do you trap a Swede in the bathroom? On the left wall write: look right.

On the right wall write: look left.

Score: 1

Swedish Fisherman Once there were two Swedes out fishing in their dory. THen one of the Swedes remared to the other: "Look, theres a leak in our boat!"

The other Swede replied: "No worries, we'll just drill a new hole, and the water will flow out again".

Score: 1

What do you call a swede with war medals? A thief.

Score: 0

Why did the Swede drink on the floor of Starbucks? Because he was told it was ground coffee

Score: 0

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