Thirsty Jokes

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.

Score: 110

Today I set my location on Tinder to Flint, Michigan Because I bet those girls are pretty thirsty.

Score: 71

Terrible Dad Jokes Share your best (worst) jokes that only a dad would tell their kid!

Kid: Dad, I'm thirsty.
Dad: Hi thirsty, I'm friday!

Two men walk into a bar. The bartender says "you can't eat your own food in here!" so they swapped sandwiches.

Score: 38

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table... ...one full of water in case he gets thirsty, one empty in case he doesn't.

Score: 19

Why does a blonde put empty bottles in her fridge? For guests that aren't thirsty.

Score: 13
Funny Thirsty Jokes
Score: 9

A programmer goes to bed and puts two glasses next to him. One - with water, if he feels thirsty One - without, if he does not.

Score: 9

I was thirsty one day and someone said, "Drink Canada Dry." Man they got alot of water up there..

Score: 8

A blond goes to bed with a glass of water and an empty one. The latter is in case she wakes up not feeling thirsty.

Score: 7

Are you thirsty? "Would you like something to drink?" She opened the fridge.

"We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper --"

"Spiders?"

"Spiders it is, then."

"No, that wasn't--"

But she was already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders.

Score: 7

When judges are thirsty what do they crave? Just ice.

Score: 7

I can’t wait until I’m legal to drink.. only eating all these years has left me thirsty. I have heard good things about water

Score: 7

I was really thirsty so I reached for the Hawaiian Sun to drink Unfortunately, it was empty. Someone else had beat me to the punch.

Score: 6

According to women, men dont have feelings But that's just not true at all, we sometimes feel hungry and thirsty.

Score: 6

Three Old Men Three old men are walking down the street when the first says, "it's windy today!"

The second replies, "no, it's thursday."

The third old man says, "I'm thirsty too. I could go for a beer."

Score: 5

Hey Girl did you know you're over 65% Water? And im thirsty.

Score: 5

A programmer puts 2 glasses on his nightstand before going to bed, one with water and one without. One in case he wakes up in the middle of the night thirsty, and one in case he's not!

Score: 5

A thirsty man from Michigan went to California to find something to drink Because no water is better than Michigan water.

Score: 4

A boy was at a lemonade stand. He was deciding between a glass or a full pitcher. He told the seller he was really thirsty, to which they replied, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer".

Score: 4

Guy in the desert A guy is lost in the desert, he has been walking for days and is really thirsty when he finally sees a well and starts screaming "Water! Water!". To which another guy pops his head up out of the well and asks "Really? Where?"

Score: 3

What do gophers do when they're thirsty? They gopher a soda, where nobody hurts, nobody cries.
Sincerely Dad.

Score: 3

did you know that the earth used to be 100% water? that was until yo momma got thirsty.

Score: 3

A Bicycle and a Unicycle walk into a bar... A bicycle and a unicycle are thirsty so they walk into a bar. The unicycle says, "AAAAAAAAAAHH." The bicycle asks the unicycle what's wrong and the unicycle says

"I'm sorry Greg, I just can't handle bars"

Score: 3

3 old ladies are sitting on a bus The first one says - it's windy.

Second one says - it's not Wednesday, it's Thursday.

Third one says - yea, I'm thirsty too, we should buy something to drink.

Score: 3

Interaction I had at a McDonalds last night Me: Can I get a water cup?

Cashier: Sure, if ya give that girl in the back your number

Me: Sure

Other Cashier: Wait, really?

Me: Look, I’m just thirsty

Score: 3

What do you call someone who lives in Flint Michigan? Thirsty.

Score: 3

What do you call a girl thats thirsty for water? H2Hoe

Score: 3

A Frenchman, a German, and A Jew are stranded in the dessert... the frenchman says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have wine
the german says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have beer
the jew says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have diabetes

Score: 2

What did the thirsty weatherman say to his intern? I need my thermos, stat!

Score: 2

Knock knock "Who's there?"

"Water."

"Water Who?"

"I just told you my name. Water you trying to pull here?

(Sorry for the bad joke. I'm just thirsty thirsty right now.)

Score: 2

One hot day a thirsty couple went to get something to drink, there was lines for water and soda When they went to get punch, there was no punchline!

Score: 2

3 elderly men are sitting next to each other on a park bench The first says, “It’s windy today.”

The second says, “No it’s Thursday.”

The third says, “I’m thirsty, too. Lets get a beer.”

Score: 2

Hitler was quite thirsty... i hear he downed 6 million gallons of jewce

Score: 2

Jim you get a little racist when you're thirsty Have a Pepsi

Score: 2

I offered a thirsty illegal immigrant some water he said "No ICE, pls"

Score: 0

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