The other night I superglued my thumb and forefinger together... Dont worry, everything is ok
I just accidentally super-glued my thumb & index finger together, and at first started to panic… But then I remembered that it’s always going to be okay.
What has 4 fingers, a thumb, and is not your hand? My hand
A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom. "Holy F**k" she screams "and you want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb?!"
[Long] I was at dinner with my wife... I ordered a steak and the waiter delivered it with his thumb on top of it. "Sir, this is unacceptable, your thumb was in my food," I complained. The waiter replied, "I'm sorry sir, I didn't want it to fall on the floor again."
Why are women bad at parking? Because men have told them that this (*holds thumb and index finger 2 inches apart*) is 8 inches.
Well dressed! I made a shirt out of thumb tacks because I wanted to look sharp, but everyone thought it looked tacky.
Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday."
Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?"
Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer."
Friend, "But you can't die of that!"
Johnny, "I know but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing so we shot him."
What have 4 fingers, 1 thumb and isn't your hand? My hand
Turns out my wife has a bit of a green thumb And I need to go to the hospital
What did hitler say when he smashed his thumb with a hammer? "Au, schwitz!"
A good rule of thumb is It's opposable.
Even after 5 years my wife likes to mix it up in the bedroom.... Last night she was had eaten too much, the night before that she was wayyyyyy too tired; last week she fell and broke her thumb. I never know what she will surprise me with next!
When the waiter brought my order he had his thumb in my steak So I yelled at him, "I don't want your finger touching my food!" So he asks me, "Would you rather it fall on the floor again?"
I went to a Halloween party where everyone was dressed like a sore thumb Not me, no, I stuck out like a vicar.
What has 1 thumb and is very important? A ransom note.
My girlfriend made a gesture calling me a loser because I'm obsessed with Smash Mouth puns. I told her she was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead.
Whats the real problem of losing a thumb? You actually lose the middle finger
What did finger say to the thumb? I'm in glove with you.
I found five orphaned kittens and decided to foster them. I named them Thumb, Index, Middle, Ring, and Pinky. They sure are a handful to raise.
Why did the middle finger get mad at the thumb? We don't know. It just snapped.
I hurt my thumb today! But on the other hand I'm ok
A man asks the waiter: "Why do you have your thumb on my steak?" "So I don't drop it again, Sir."
Where does a thumb meet its type? At ***the space bar!*** oh-my-goodness! ~Skip
Three of five fingers were willing to cooperate but the thumb and forefinger were opposed!
Little Jack Warner
Little Jack Warner
Sat in the corner
A finger in every pie.
He stuck in his thumb
And pulled out a bung
And said "Lets all go to Dubai!"
Little Mortie got a real surprise when he barged into his parents’ room one night. “And you slap me for sucking my thumb?” he screamed.
A guy at work lost his thumb and had to replace it with his big toe. (True Story) Now we ask to get "your foot off the table" when he's eating.
At what stage of evolution did Robots become as advanced as humans? When opposable thumb drives were developed
When all you have is a hammer, everything starts looking like a thumb.
My Grandad's joke: Hey, young fella! Want to see something swell? Hit your thumb with a hammer!
My snarky boss nicked his thumb with a knife and missed two days of work. I need your help with puns or cutting remarks.
What do you get when you put your thumb on the steering wheel A thumb drive.