Workout Jokes

I just got one of those workout watches apparently i've masturbated 5.8 miles today

Score: 141

You're the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. I only go to work and become a better person because of you. You make me workout on weekends and get in shape. And I try to turn you on every night. I love you, alarm clock.

Score: 98
Funny Workout Jokes
Score: 40

A guy just proposed at the gym. She said no.



Guess it didn’t workout.

Score: 37

What does Mike Tyson say after a good workout with the Avengers? I'm Thor.

Score: 36

I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day But my body couldn't take the ab use

Score: 31

No one laughed at my pre-workout routine joke To be fair, it was a bit of a stretch.

Score: 23

A man just proposed to a woman at a gym. She said no. Well that didn’t workout...

Score: 17

If an apple exercises... Is it a core workout?

Score: 16

What dessert best describes your girlfriend after a workout? Sorbet

Score: 16

A guy proposed to a woman in the gym but she said no :( Well that didn't workout

Score: 14

A tiger goes to the gym... ... wearing women's underwear underneath his workout clothes.

When he does squats does that make him a crouching tiger with hidden drag on?

Score: 11

Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.

Score: 11

Why does higher workout frequency mean more injuries? Frequency is measured in hurts

Score: 10

A man proposed to his girlfriend in the gym, unfortunately she said no It didn't workout.

Score: 10

My favorite workout is a mix between a lunge and a crunch, I call it lunch.

Score: 9

My girlfriend likes to get pumped up before we do a workout. Then I deflate her afterwards.

Score: 9

Why is it better to exercise in the morning? You can finish the workout before your brain realizes what it's doing.

Score: 9

My family have been doing a collective workout challenge. It was tough at first, very intense. As of this weekend though I can say we've collectively lost 80kg....


...or, Grandad.

Score: 9

What is The Pope's favorite workout program? Cross-fit

Score: 8

What's a mortician's favorite workout? Dead lifting.

Score: 8

After weeks of keeping it secret, I confessed to my gym buddies that I had taken the bench press out of my workout schedule. That was a weight off my chest.

Score: 8

I was in the gym. "1,2,3,4," counted my personal trainer, as I panted.

"Come on," he added, "Now we've got you down the stairs, we can do a workout!"

Score: 7

Is milk the best workout supplement? No, whey man!

(My first dad joke, im so proud!)

Score: 7

This man at the gym just proposed and she said no Well, that didn't workout

Score: 7

I met my ex-wife at the gym. We didn't workout.

Score: 6

What do Asgardians say when they have an intense workout at the gym? I'm Thor

Score: 5

How did the T-Rex feel after his workout session? He felt dinosore.

Score: 5

A man at the gym proposed and she said no.

Guess that didn't workout.

Score: 5

A man at the gym proposed to his girlfriend. She said no.

I guess it didn’t workout.

Score: 5

I'm working on my fitness so I take the stairs It's a workout to run from the cops while you're dragging stairs

Score: 2

I was waiting in line at McDonald's Finally, it was my turn
The overweight cashier said, 'Sorry for the wait'
I said, 'No worries, I'm sure you'll loose it with a workout'

Score: 2

Where do the members of congress go to workout? The house of reps

Score: 1

Mike Tyson’s workout involves extreme training 6 days a week. I’m relieved to know he, at least, got Thunday off.

Score: 1

I asked the Night King how he's so fit, whats his workout He replied "Icicle"

Score: 1

How do hairstylists workout? Curling irons

Score: 1

What did Loki get after a 1000 squat workout? A Thor Asgard.

Score: 1

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