I just got one of those workout watches apparently i've masturbated 5.8 miles today
You're the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. I only go to work and become a better person because of you. You make me workout on weekends and get in shape. And I try to turn you on every night. I love you, alarm clock.
A guy just proposed at the gym.
She said no.
Guess it didn’t workout.
What does Mike Tyson say after a good workout with the Avengers? I'm Thor.
I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day But my body couldn't take the ab use
No one laughed at my pre-workout routine joke To be fair, it was a bit of a stretch.
A man just proposed to a woman at a gym. She said no. Well that didn’t workout...
If an apple exercises... Is it a core workout?
What dessert best describes your girlfriend after a workout? Sorbet
A guy proposed to a woman in the gym but she said no :( Well that didn't workout
A tiger goes to the gym...
... wearing women's underwear underneath his workout clothes.
When he does squats does that make him a crouching tiger with hidden drag on?
Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.
Why does higher workout frequency mean more injuries? Frequency is measured in hurts
A man proposed to his girlfriend in the gym, unfortunately she said no It didn't workout.
My favorite workout is a mix between a lunge and a crunch, I call it lunch.
My girlfriend likes to get pumped up before we do a workout. Then I deflate her afterwards.
Why is it better to exercise in the morning? You can finish the workout before your brain realizes what it's doing.
My family have been doing a collective workout challenge.
It was tough at first, very intense. As of this weekend though I can say we've collectively lost 80kg....
...or, Grandad.
What is The Pope's favorite workout program? Cross-fit
What's a mortician's favorite workout? Dead lifting.
After weeks of keeping it secret, I confessed to my gym buddies that I had taken the bench press out of my workout schedule. That was a weight off my chest.
I was in the gym.
"1,2,3,4," counted my personal trainer, as I panted.
"Come on," he added, "Now we've got you down the stairs, we can do a workout!"
Is milk the best workout supplement?
No, whey man!
(My first dad joke, im so proud!)
This man at the gym just proposed and she said no Well, that didn't workout
I met my ex-wife at the gym. We didn't workout.
What do Asgardians say when they have an intense workout at the gym? I'm Thor
How did the T-Rex feel after his workout session? He felt dinosore.
A man at the gym proposed
and she said no.
Guess that didn't workout.
A man at the gym proposed to his girlfriend.
She said no.
I guess it didn’t workout.
I'm working on my fitness so I take the stairs It's a workout to run from the cops while you're dragging stairs
I was waiting in line at McDonald's
Finally, it was my turn
The overweight cashier said, 'Sorry for the wait'
I said, 'No worries, I'm sure you'll loose it with a workout'
Where do the members of congress go to workout? The house of reps
Mike Tyson’s workout involves extreme training 6 days a week. I’m relieved to know he, at least, got Thunday off.
I asked the Night King how he's so fit, whats his workout He replied "Icicle"
How do hairstylists workout? Curling irons
What did Loki get after a 1000 squat workout? A Thor Asgard.