Hilarious Tip Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Tip Jokes

Not to brag, but I’ve satisfied every waitress that has ever served me. With just the tip.

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I have a tip for all you lonely ladies on valentine's day.. Or you can just take the whole thing.

Score: 562

That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Score: 490

This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee. I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

Score: 406

Top Tip Turn your sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife's birthday.

Score: 309

'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.

The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.'

Score: 277

A tip for Snowden. Apparently he is traveling all of the world but if you never want to appear in front of an American judge there is only one place to go...

Guantanomo bay

Score: 162

Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that's ever served me... With just the tip.

Score: 157

Yo momma cooks so bad... The flys all chipped in and fixed the screen door.
>we're here all night, don't forget to tip your waiter!!

Score: 88

What did the Titanic say to the iceberg? "Okay, but just the tip."

Score: 85

Tip for when you are attacked by a bear Play dead.

It will be good practice for when you die a couple minutes later.

Score: 67

Grammar tip Farther = physical distance

Further = metaphorical distance

Father = emotional distance

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Zoology Tip You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

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Tip: Call your baby a normal name Me: Are you still mad your parents called you tip?

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What's the quickest way to get a musician off your front porch? Tip him for the pizza.

Score: 47

A friend of mine told me he'd heard about a local glory hole... He received an anonymous tip.

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It's hard to think about my wife, who passed away during delivery Tip: Never, *EVER* go with a mail-order Russian bride who arrives by ship.

Score: 43

What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common? The tip off.

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What's the difference between illegal and unlawful? One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.

Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!

Score: 38

What do Women's Studies majors like after dessert? A tip

Score: 37

Guy tip: If your girlfriend has a really annoying friend, don't tell her how bothersome she is or to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how attractive she is.

Score: 36

How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep? Tip him for the pizza.

Score: 32

I got fired from the bank I don’t know why, the people seemed to love me.

Everybody that spoke to me gave me a tip!

Score: 32

Circumcision. My parents paid the bill, but I left the tip.

Score: 31

What did the leper tell the prostitute? You can keep the tip

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What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Score: 31

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets? So they don't wake up the sleeping pills.

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Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace

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What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? If you push a canoe hard enough, it'll tip.

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Tip: if you don't want comedians weighing in on politics.... ...don't elect a joke.

(Credit to Bo Burnham)

Score: 26

At school A teacher writes on the whiteboard: HNO3 and asks a student:

\- What substance is that?

\- Hmmm... wait a moment... It's on the tip of my tongue!

\- Spit it out at once!!! That's nitric acid!

Score: 26

A woman goes to the doctors with a piece of lettuce sticking out the top of her underwear The doctor says "that looks nasty", the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"

Score: 24

What does "LSD" stand for again? It's on the tip of my tongue....

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What did the man with leprosy say to the prostitute? *Keep the tip.*

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What did the leper say after he was finished with the prostitute? Keep the tip.

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What did the Leper say after his night with a prostitute? "Keep the tip."

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A waiter says to a customer "Excuse me, miss, but you appear to have some lettuce stuck in your pants." "That's just the tip of the iceberg." She replies.

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Pro Life Tip PLT : Avoid Abortion Clinics

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Why is it annoying dating a waitress? They just want the tip.

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New Tip Jokes

A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was more polite... Skinny guy : I am more polite as I always tip my hat to ladies.

Fat guy : I am more courteous because, whenever I get up and offer my seat, 2 ladies can sit

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Where did the tip for dinner go? On the loading screen.

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You should always tip the band Musicians are so broke, I just saw 4 of them in the parking lot sharing one cigarette!

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So what's the difference between a chineese and canoe Well, a canoe will sometime tip

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I took my child for a circumcision the other day and noticed they had a tip jar... It was disgusting.

Score: 3

Van Gogh walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender asks him to please contribute to the tip jar and asked him if he had any small bills. Van Gogh searches through his pocket and said,” I got one right ‘ere.”

Score: 2

What did the leper say to the hooker when he couldn't pay. "Sorry, but you can keep the tip."

Score: 4

What did the leper say to the prostitute after finishing? Keep the tip.

Score: 3

Cirumcision doctors are so greedy sometimes They’ll always take a tip from their patients

Score: 2

A woman went to the doctor's with a bit of lettuce sticking out from her underwear... Doctor looks at it and says "that looks odd", woman says "Oh, it's just the tip of the iceberg"

Score: 6

A woman walks into the doctors office with a bit of lettuce sticking out of her underwear Doctor: “That looks nasty!”

Woman: “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

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How do you tip a one legged stripper? Hit it from behind.

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Quick tip: How to deal with problems. Just eat them. You will be satisfied and the problems are gone. Except in case of anorexia,... ...they will just come out of you.

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What did the leper say to the prostitute at the end of a session? Keep the tip

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Pro Tip; For the best suction, put a fresh bag in the vacuum. Or just wait for the little lady to get home.

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A woman goes to the doctor with the tip of some lettuce sticking out of her pants The doctor says "That looks nasty"

She replies "It's just the tip of the iceberg"

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A leper goes to a prostitute... He says, "Keep the tip."

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What's the robot version of just the tip? Just the first thread.

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If you're a liberal arts major, here's a tip $5, and be glad it's 20%.

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When's the only time a Jew will leave a tip? When he gets circumcised

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Why do prostitutes like lepers? They always leave a tip.

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My pizza delivery guy asked me for a tip today So I told him to always wash his hands after using the bathroom.

Score: 3

Why did the prostitute leave the leper colony? Because her business was falling off.

What did the lepers say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip.

Score: 2

I have a thing for waitresses because they're always in it just for the tip.

Score: 2

Why didn't the client tip the server? Because they didn't have enough cache!

(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

Score: 4

While I was waiting on a table a family left their keys behind after they left. I assumed the keys were a tip. You should have seen their faces when I drove off in their car.

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Life Pro Tip Make sure you always blow dry your hair, it gives you an extra couple minutes to cry once you're out of the shower!

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?” “I was born into servitude, and when I die, my feet will be turned into glue,” replied the horse.

The bartender realized he would not be getting a tip.

Score: 3

Just the tip The titanic is a good example of how just the tip can lead to a lot of trouble

Score: 1

Bought a litre of tip-ex today. Huge mistake.

(in honour of all the dads out there, happy fathers day - UK)

Score: 3

Ever heard of a cajew? It's like a canoe, but guaranteed to never tip.

Score: 6

At the end of the ride... ...the cab driver looks at the taximeter, then at the passenger, and says:

"Excuse me sir, I made mistake. I had the taximeter running backwards. You'll receive $12 from me."

"All well and good," says the passenger, "but how much will you tip me?"

Score: 1

A waiter asked me, "What's the difference between a canoe and a canuck?" Canoes tip.

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The police busted a drug ring operating out of a circumcision clonic The police got a tip off

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Why should you tip the guy at the crematorium? Because he urned it.

Score: 6

Why do guys with big dicks never pay their full bill at a restaurant? The waitress can only handle the tip.

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If anything ever stopped working, as kids we smacked it up top and shook it around a bit. To this day this tip still works. My wife only took 2 times to learn.

Score: 3

What did the leper leave the prostitute? Just the Tip.

Score: 4

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention... ... but in reality they just want the tip.

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What did the lepper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip

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My coworker was arguing with me over the tip He said he take care of it, but I told him I should keep it since I'm the one that did the circumcision.

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I invented the perfect beach accessory for men! A clip-on-tip that attaches to the inside of your suit and peeks out just below the bottom of a guy's swim trunks.

We're calling it the Billadong.

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Vegetable rationing Some supermarkets are rationing lettuce, I think this is just the tip of the iceberg...

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Why do pornstars enjoy working as waitresses? Because they always get the tip

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Why do people tip cows? Their service isn't even that good.

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Whats another term for acid? Its on the tip of my tongue...

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I hate when waitresses flirt with me.. I can't tell if they just want the tip or if they want just the tip.

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I get this girl to come home with me. I'm in bed with her and then she tells me "Just the tip." Jokes on her, that's all I got.

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What did the fat guy give to the fat girl? Just the tip...

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What does the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!

Score: 1